Close Your Eyes and Rest your Weary Mind
by pinkyridz
Summary: Book 6 Mandana Saga. Tragic news forces Ben to return to Earth and leave Lilly when she needs him most. Can Daniel Jackson help his friend through this difficult time. A tissue warning comes with this story.
1. Chapter 1

**CLOSE YOUR EYES AND REST YOUR WEARY MIND**

Platon Lilly Ashton smiled as she watched her men race round the orchard. It was a warm, late summer's afternoon and she was content to sit under a tree and knit as her husband and son competed against each other. Up until a few months ago, she would have been eagerly joining in but now she was carrying her second child she was more than happy to be the judge at the end of the contest.

Finn Aston's shrieks of joy filled the air as he sprinted after his papi. The monthly father son race and family picnic's had been the highlight of the summer for the six year old and this was going to be the last one as the nights were beginning to draw in again. Finn was desperate to win.

"Come on Finny," Lilly called. "You can beat papi today!"

"In his dreams," Ben countered as he quickened his pace.

Platon Ben Ashton was as competitive as any father when it came to racing their children but he also knew that he needed to give his son a chance so, and only because it was the final race of the summer, he pretended to trip and allowed one very excited boy to sprint past him and cross the finish line first.

"Yes!" Finn punched the air as he finished. "I beat you, I beat you," he turned and taunted his father who was clambering to his feet.

"You tripped me! Did you see that mami – he tripped me!" Ben held his hands up in mock protest.

Lilly shook her head and placed her knitting down. "No. I am sorry papi but Finn won fair and square!"

"I am the winner, I am the winner." Finn skipped round his father with a huge grin on his face. "You are the loser, you are the loser..."

Ben quickly scoped his son in his arms and spun him round. "You are a cheater, you are a cheater," he chanted.

"Stop it, stop..." Finn giggled.

Lilly continued to shake her head as she poured some juice for her men. "Come on – it's hot. Time to drink," she called and then laughed as Ben dumped Finn in a pile of hay before jogging over to the picnic blanket.

"I won, I won," he chuckled and flopped down at Lilly's side.

"No you didn't," Finn grouched as he picked himself up and stomped after him. "That weren't part of the race," he pouted as he plonked down and folded his arms. "You did cheat!"

"Yes you did," Lilly agreed with her son as she passed him a drink. "Finn beat you by a great distance papi," she smiled and winked at the young boy who quickly drank his juice and held his cup out for a refill.

"Alright, alright," Ben grumbled as he filled the cup for Finn. "You beat me. You're the winner and I'm the loser," he sighed, placed the jug back down on the blanket and reached to ruffle Finn's silky blond hair. "Looks like I'm going to have to practice more for next year," he smiled and leant back again. "Especially seeing as this little one will be up and about," he grinned at his wife as he placed his hand on her swelling abdomen.

"Just think," Lilly sighed in contentment as Ben continued to stroke her stomach. "This time next year three more little people will have joined our family."

Lilly's sister Cara was a matter of days away from delivering her twins and the whole family were on tenterhooks waiting for their arrival. The fact that she was carrying two babies had come as a huge surprise to everyone and she and her husband, Niall were growing very nervous about the whole situation but Lilly knew that the young couple were more than capable of coping with their soon to be handful.

When Cara announced that she was expecting, Lilly had been overjoyed for her sister but her joy had been tinged with sadness for herself. She and Ben had been trying for nearly three years for another child and had been near to giving up hope that Finn would ever have a brother or sister but, out of the blue, after they'd actually stopped trying Lilly had been ecstatic to find herself pregnant. This pregnancy was so different to her first. With Finn, she had been constantly sick but this time she felt wonderful! There were no signs of morning sickness and a part from feeling very tired for the first three months she was really enjoying carrying her second child.

Ben smiled as he lay down and rested his head in his wife's lap and watched Finn as he reached into his backpack for his favourite book. "I'm not sure life could get any better than this," he turned his head and smiled at Lilly.

"It is indeed perfect," Lilly smiled back and started to run her fingers through his hair.

The sun shone, the birds sang and the Ashton family were happy to relax and enjoy their perfect family life.

Xxx

"I need Lilly."

Cara was in advanced labour. Her waters had broken at her parent's house and they'd quickly transferred her to the maternity ward at Quinn hospital where she'd rapidly progressed to nine centimetres dilated. Cara Wenton was the senior midwife at the clinic and had opted to have her children there as an experience for her young Helena's. Not that it wasn't unheard of for twins to be born but it was very rare and, infact, the Wenton children would be the first set in the relatively new birthing suite.

Hanah Tanger dabbed the sweat off her youngest daughter's brow. "Your father has left to fetch Lilly," she reassured. "She will be here as quickly as she can."

Although her grandchildren were being born in the hospital, Hanah was acting as midwife as per Mandanan custom with Drena Beuner, wife of Anton Beuner the junior surgeon, helping her with everything.

"I need her now!" Cara screamed and arched her back. "I need to push – she promised she'd be here."

Hanah knew her daughter was scared – heck, she was scared herself! The last time she'd been present at a birth was when Finn was born and Lilly had been so ill and the birth so difficult. "Shh, shh," she soothed Cara, "Lilly will be here soon, you need to try and relax my love."

"I can't," Cara continued to sob, "I can't do it without Lilly, I need her..."

Hanah blotted the sweat off Cara's forehead and looked over at Drena. "Could you ask Niall to come in," she sighed.

Cara needed as much support as possible and if Sergi couldn't find Lilly her son in law would have to step in.

"Yes, Mrs Tanger," Drena nodded and hurried out of the room.

"Not Niall," Cara cried. "I don't want him to see me like this. I need Lilly, she promised..."

"Everything is going to be okay," Hanah soothed. "It will soon be over and you'll have your beautiful babies in your arms, I promise."

Greta Quinn's recent death suddenly hit Hanah hard as she helped her daughter. The elder platon had been such a big part of everyone's lives in Tanger province, especially at the birth of the next generation. His presence was sorely missed today.

"How much longer," Cara wept as her contraction lessoned.

"Not much longer now, my love. Just try and relax."

Hanah turned and smiled at Niall when the door opened. "Your wife needs you, Niall Wenton." She stood to one side to allow the father to be to support his wife.

Yet again, she felt out of depth at the birth of her grandchildren and willed her husband and eldest daughter to get here as soon as possible.

Cara needed them.

xxx

"Are they alright?"

Lilly turned and gave her sister a reassuring smile, knowing how anxious she must be feeling. "They are fine."

By the time Lilly had made it to the hospital, the first baby had already made an appearance. Hanah had done a wonderful job but had sighed in relief and stood to one side to let Lilly take over. Within half an hour another baby's cry echoed round the room and Cara and Niall were now proud but worried parents, waiting to hear their platon's confirmation that their children were healthy.

"Right," Lilly quickly bundled up the one sleeping baby. "This beautiful little girl," she bent and kissed her forehead "needs a cuddle of her papi," she grinned, handed Niall his daughter, and then turned to the remaining twin. "And – this beautiful little girl is hungry and needs her mami!"

"Two girls?" Cara gasped as Lilly handed her the screaming baby.

"Two healthy little girls," Lilly nodded, sat at her side and helped her niece to latch on to her mother's breast.

"Are you sure?" Cara asked as she made herself comfortable.

"I am sure," Lilly smiled. "Both are a good weight and perfectly healthy. You did such a wonderful job Car."

"I don't believe it," Cara sighed as her daughter began to suckle. "Thank you all so much," she glanced up and beamed.

Hanah took a seat next to Niall and stroked her sleeping granddaughter's head. "You two did the hard work," she grinned.

"We couldn't have done it without you ma, or you Drena," Cara rested her head back and started to relax.

"It was my pleasure," Drena bowed slightly as she gathered the soiled laundry together. "I will leave you to your family," she then patted Cara's blanket covered leg before turning to leave the room.

"Could you give us ten minutes and then ask the rest of the family to joins us," Cara asked as she continued to feed.

"Are you sure you're up to everyone being here?" Hanah queried her smile broadening as Niall passed her her granddaughter.

"Absolutely," Cara nodded. "I cannot wait for Finny to meet his cousins," she grinned at Lilly who was sat with a huge smile on her face.

"And he cannot wait to meet them too. Oh Cara they are so beautiful," she gushed, "Do they have names yet?" She glanced from Niall to Cara, watching them glow with pride over their daughters. She was so incredibly happy for them; they were going to make such wonderful parents.

"Actually," Cara looked at her mother before continuing. "We were thinking of Rachael and Sophie, if that is alright with you ma?"

Hanah Tanger's sister Rachael had perished during childbirth and her newborn daughter, Sophie died within days of her mother. Cara and Niall had always planned to name a daughter after one of them and having two daughters now made the decision an easy one.

"That's...that's..."Hanah fumbled for her handkerchief. "That is so wonderful," she smiled through her tears before drying her eyes. "Thank you."

"It was an obvious choice, Hanah," Niall reached for his daughter to allow his mother in law to regain her emotions. "I think that this little angel will be Rachael, yes?" She turned to his wife for confirmation and Cara quickly nodded.

"Yes – she is Rachael Hanah Wenton," she grinned and stroked Rachael's head "and," she turned her attention to her other daughter. "This hungry little angel," she chuckled. "Is Sophie Mari Wenton."

"Oh...Mari would have been so honoured," Hanah dabbed her eyes again at the memory of Mari Quinn who had passed away within weeks of her husband.

"Yes she would," Lilly nodded slowly in agreement.

Silence enveloped the room as they all remembered the elderly couple who had done so much for all of them. Life without them had been so difficult and Lilly, in particular, felt their loss above all others. Greta Quinn had been her guide through her training as a Platon, he and Mari had opened their home to Ben when he made the difficult decision to leave Earth for a new life on Mandana and Greta had steeped in to help deliver Finn when things got so tough. There had been many occasions recently that she'd longed to draw on their wisdom and knowledge and she would be always sad and disappointed that they passed away without knowing that she was pregnant again.

Mindful that the atmosphere had become maudlin though, Lilly quickly cleared her throat. "Right, we had best ready ourselves," she smiled, "Finn will soon be breaking our peace!"

"Indeed he will be," Hanah agreed. "These poor angels will not know what's hit them," she added with a chuckle.

Xxx

"You're quiet buddy," Ben glanced at his son who was sat on his mother's lap, thumb in mouth.

The Ashton family were on their way home after gushing over the new arrivals and Finn's enthusiasm for his cousins was beginning to wane.

"I'm a bit sad," the little boy shrugged.

"Oh?" Ben clicked the horse on after exchanging a worried look with Lilly. "Why are you sad, Finn?"

Finn fidgeted slightly and then sighed heavily. "'Cause I wanted Auntie Cara to have a boy who I could share my trains with and race with. Girls are no fun."

"Oh, Finn," Lilly chuckled. "You will have so much fun with them, I promise you. When I was a little girl, I loved to play with your grandpi's old toys and my favourite thing to do was to climb trees and jump streams with all the boys in the province. Ask Uncle Niall – I had many a fun day full of adventure with his brothers."

"Oh - you did, did you," Ben teased and nudged Finn's knee. "We didn't know about that, did we Finny?"

"No we didn't," Finn grinned, "We didn't know you liked to play wif the boys," he joined in with the teasing after returning the wink his papi gave him.

"You sure kept that quiet, mami," Ben continued as they travelled down the lane leading to their cottage. "You've never mentioned that before and we a wondering why."

Lilly tutted and shook her head in mock annoyance. She knew full well what her husband was doing. Finn had been so desperate for another little boy to play with and when both babies had been girls, she knew that he would be slightly disappointed.

"I am sure I told you all about the summer evenings spent building bridges over Penten stream with Alex and David Wenton," she replied with a shrug.

"No you didn't," Ben nudged Finn again. "I'm sure we would have remembered _that."_

"Oh yes, I had so much fun..."

Ben clicked his horse on again, laughing as Lilly elaborated her story for her son's sake.

This was one of the many moments that reminded him why he'd left Earth behind. Life was simple and good on Mandana.

His family was his world now and he wouldn't change that for anything.

Xxx

**Stargate Command **

"Take a seat Doctor Jackson." Hank Landry closed his filing cabinet and returned to his desk.

"I don't want to appear rude, sir..." Daniel stated as he sat opposite the base commander, "...but I am in the middle of a very important translation."

"This won't take long," Hank nodded as he picked up the file in front of him. "I just want to show you this and ask your opinion on the matter." He passed Daniel a piece of paper and sat back as the archaeologist start to read it.

"That was passed onto me by Washington this morning and I am struggling to know what to do for the best."

"I see," Daniel nodded slowly as he continued to read.

"You know Benjamin Ashton better than anyone on the base Doctor Jackson. How'd you think he would react?"

"Are we sure that this is accurate?" Daniel frowned as he examined the back of the paper.

"Yes – we have had confirmation from Captain Ashton's commanding officer in London."

Daniel scanned the letter again and then passed it back to the general. "Where is Conner now?" He asked after clearing his throat.

"He is currently being transferred to a hospice in Colorado," Hank accepted the letter and placed it back in the file. "What are your thoughts on the matter?"

"I think Ben needs to know," Daniel sighed, removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "I know that if I had a brother, I would want to know that he was dying and in the same way, if I were dying I would want to contact my brother, if I had one. If that makes any sense?"

"It makes perfect sense." Hank reassured before returning the file to his cabinet. "We are going to need your input Daniel," he sighed as he poured some coffee. "This one is not going to be easy to handle." He gave Daniel a cup and took a seat again.

"What do you need me to do sir?"

"Would you be able to break the news to Benjamin? I know it will be better coming from you."

Daniel took a sip of coffee and sat back in his chair. "He will want to see Conner."

"I know. That will be arranged."

Knowing that Lilly needed her husband's support, Daniel sighed again. "It's not going to be easy on his wife. She's expecting their second child."

"I know."

"Do we know how long Conner has?"

"The specialists are saying that he is in the final stages and it could be weeks, perhaps months."

"Damn," Daniel scrubbed a hand through his hair in frustration. The whole situation was a mess.

"Will Ben be at the next check in with Mandana?"

Daniel placed his cup on the desk. "Yes, he's due to be introduced to Doctor Lam."

"We have to give him the option to return home."

"I know."

"Will you be able to handle things?"

"Yes, of course," Daniel nodded slowly. "I would like to be able to talk to Conner first though, if that's possible. I need to get my information correct sir."

"He's due to arrive at the hospice later today. I'll check with the staff," Hank made a note on his jotter. "I'm sure he will want to speak with someone from this end too," he nodded. "We will need to stick to protocol – keep things as need to know but assure him that we will be contacting his brother as soon as we can."

"Yes sir."

"We also need to be guided by both brothers' wishes." Hank stood and moved to his filing cabinet. "It is going to be a case of reacting to the situation rather than trying to steer things in the way we want. Talk to Conner and his specialists' and then see how Benjamin wants to proceed."

"Yes sir," Daniel nodded in agreement. "We are due to check in with Mandana the day after tomorrow. If you could make the arrangements for me to see Conner before that, that would be ideal and we should meet and go through our options before talking to Ben."

Hank returned to his desk and picked up the phone. "I'll make the call now," he smiled.

Daniel stood and returned the smile. "I'll be in my office sir."

"Carry on."

Hank dialled the number with a very heavy heart. It was a difficult situation but, at the end of the day – family was family and he knew what he would do if the same thing happened to him. They might have no choice but to tell Conner Ashton about the Stargate programme. He would have to take advice from Washington on that but, it was only right that they young man knew the truth about his brother before he passed.

"Hello, my name is General Hank Landry..."


	2. Chapter 2

**MANDANA**

"Morning." Lilly poked her head round the back door of Wenton farmhouse and smiled at her brother in law. "Is this a good time?"

"Morning Lilly," Niall smiled back. "Come on in, I'm just about to tend to the animals – your sister is still in bed."

Lilly closed the door behind her and placed her bag on the table before removing her coat and handing it to Niall. "I have my platon hat on today," she grinned. "It is time to give your girls their three day check up."

Niall hung the coat on the peg on the back of the door. "I think Cara is just feeding Rachael at the moment but carry on up."

"How was last night?" Lilly opened her bag to double check that she had all she needed.

"It was long," Niall admitted as he pulled on his boots, " but I must say that bottle feeding does make things easier for Cara though, as at least I can take my turn," he glanced up and smiled.

"Another earth miracle," Lilly nodded and grabbed her bag again. "I'll just...," she pointed towards the door leading to the stairs.

"Fine," Niall nodded and reached for the door. "I will be back in an hour. Tell Cara I will fix her something to eat on my return."

"I will."

"See you later," Niall smiled before leaving Platon Ashton to tend her patients.

Xxx

"Doesn't it hurt?" Lilly watched as Cara expressed her milk. This was a new technique used by mothers on Mandana. It was a lesson learnt from when Lilly had been almost too sick to feed Finn after his birth. Doctor Janet Fraiser, the former SGC base physician, whose presence on Earth and Mandana had been terribly missed since her untimely death, had trained some of Cara's helena's in the art of baby feeding and alot of new mothers preferred this way of getting nourishment into their young as it meant that others could step in if they were too sick or exhausted themselves.

"Not really," Cara shrugged in reply. "No more so than when they suckle."

"I wish we had known about it when Finn was young," Lilly perched on the edge of the bed and placed a thermometer in Cara's ear.

"Me too," Cara smiled sadly. "You were so ill and it was such a battle to help you feed your little man."

As Lilly waited for the beep, she glanced at the two sleeping babies in their cribs next to the bed. "Well – your girls look just fine on it," she grinned and then removed the thermometer. "That's normal," she nodded and picked up her chart. "How is your discharge?" She asked as she noted her findings.

"As it should be," Cara assured, finding it very odd to be the new mother being examined. "I have no discomfort and feel fine," she added and then removed the pump, reached for the teat and screwed the top on the second bottle that she had expressed that morning.

"Can you lie down for me so I can have a feel of your tummy," Lilly smiled, rubbing her hands together to warm them up.

Cara rolled her eyes but did as she was told. "This is most strange," she sighed as Lilly placed her hands on her abdomen.

"What is?"

"You – doing this," Cara sighed again, winching slightly when Lilly applied pressure.

"It is strange to me too," Lilly admitted as she moved her hands to her sister's breasts. "Would you rather I had Benjamin or Conrad check you out?" She questioned as she examined them. Perhaps sister examining sister wasn't the best way of platoning.

"Goodness me – no!" Cara exclaimed. "I'm more than happy that you tend to me, Lil's. It's just that it's – odd," she shrugged.

"Well," Lilly buttoned up Cara's nightgown. "In a few months time you will be doing the exact same thing for me," she smiled as she helped her patient sit up again.

Cara chuckled as she made herself comfortable. "Are you sure that your husband will be happy with that?"

"He will have no choice," Lilly grinned. "I would rather have the expert midwife tend to me. He will have to get used to that fact."

"Good," Cara smiled. "It is my pleasure to be your midwife and birthing partner Lilly," she said as Lilly reached for the chart again.

"I am looking forward to it too," Lilly agreed and then started to write. "Okay – everything seems just fine," she glanced up and smiled. "You've done so well but you need to rest as much as possible..."

"I know."

"You need to be observant to any changes. Any fever, pain..."

Cara reached and placed her hand on Lilly's arm. "I know," she repeated slowly. "I am just fine and am going to be just fine," she reassured, knowing how concerned her sister was. Lilly had appeared to be well after having Finn but within a week of giving birth she had become seriously ill with a uterus infection and the whole family had been so very worried that she would lose her life in the same way as Rachael.

Lilly slowly looked up from her notes. "I know," she reached over and patted Cara's hand. "We just need to be vigilant."

"And we will be."

The sisters smiled at each other for a while until Lilly cleared her throat, snapped off her gloves and turned her attention to her nieces.

"Right. Which one shall I see to first?" She glanced over her shoulder and asked her sister.

Cara inched down in bed again. "Sophie first," she yawned. "I was just about to change her anyway."

"Which one is Sophie?" Lilly frowned, glancing from one baby to the other.

Cara yawned again as she turned onto her side. "She has a blue mark on her nightgown. It was the only way were could mark them apart from each other." Knuckling her eye's she snuggled down into her quilt.

Lilly removed the blanket from the first baby and when she noted the mark, she reached in and plucked Sophie out of her crib. "Do you think they are identical?" She asked as she lay the sleeping baby in the middle of the bed.

"Think so," Cara mumbled sleepily.

Lilly glanced up at her sister. "It's alright to go to sleep, Car," she smiled softly at the sight of her sister struggling to keep her eyes open. "I will see to your girls."

"'kay," Cara sighed. "Thank you, Lil's."

"It is no problem," Lilly reassured as Cara quickly succomed to her exhaustion. She then turned her attention to the little girl who lay with her hands flung over her head, sleeping as soundly as her mother. "Sorry Sophie Wenton but auntie Lilly is going to have to disturb you a little."

When her own baby kicked, Lilly rubbed her stomach and chuckled. "Settle down sweetie. No need to be jealous my love."

Cara was right – it was a very strange situation indeed!

Xxx

**ST AUGUSTUS HOSPICE. COLARADO. USA. EARTH.**

Daniel walked down the corridor towards room 52. Conner Ashton had arrived at the hospice three hours ago and was currently being settled in by the oncology team.

He didn't really want to disturb the young man so soon after his arrival but Daniel had limited time before check in with Mandana and knew that both brothers would have many questions for him. General Landry had phoned ahead and Conner's assigned oncologist had said it would be fine for someone to visit. Actually, Conner had been most upset that he had been transferred to the hospice as, in his opinion, he was fit enough to visit Cheyenne Mountain to see his brother. It had taken a smoke screen explanation to get Conner to agree to have a check up – he was told that the Mountain had strict medical clearances before anyone entered, that a check up, under the circumstances was procedure so he'd given in and agreed to an overnight stay before going to the base the next morning.

Daniel needed to 'cut him off at the pass' – so to speak. He was going to explain that Ben was on a tour of duty abroad, that he had been contacted and was on route back but wouldn't arrive for another 48 hours. This would give them time to explain things to Ben and then, all being well, transfer Conner to the SGC to be reunited with his brother.

Daniel just needed to see for himself that everything was above board with Conner's story – he knew that seemed heartless but it was necessary. He didn't want to upset Ben's life if this was just a ruse by Conner to gain information. However, as he looked through the window into room 52 he knew straight away that the data they'd been given was completely accurate.

Conner lay on the bed with monitors and tubes attached to most of his emancipated body, a baseball cap covered what was obviously baldhead. Sunken eyes were framed by dark bruises and his chest rose up and down almost franticly as he struggled to breath. He looked awful.

Daniel took a deep breath and softly knocked on the door.

The nurse who had just finished positioning a nasal cannular to give her patient some much needed oxygen, hurried to the door.

"Can I help you sir?" She asked as she softly closed the door behind her.

"I'm here to visit Captain Ashton." Daniel handed her his official papers, which had been counter signed by the senior oncologist. "Doctor Rankin told me to tell you that he phoned confirmation through to the nurses' station."

The nurse scanned the note and then looked up. "I will need to check," she smiled.

"Of course," Daniel nodded and watched as she crossed to the main ward. He then stood nervously waiting for her return going through the story he'd been given to pass on to Conner. The secrecy and lies that surrounded the Stargate programme were still difficult to deal with even after over ten years. The whole situation reminded him of the tragic death of Janet Fraiser three years ago. General George Hammond informed her family that she had perished in friendly fire whilst on duty in Iraq – it was the logical thing to tell them but it wasn't the truth and Daniel knew that it had been hard for the General to lie. However, it was part of the job so he'd had no choice in the matter.

This time though the roles were reversed and it was the first time the situation had come up. Daniel had been the only other person from Earth who had made another planet his home and he'd had no living family, apart from his grandfather who had been committed to a mental facility, to contact either way.

This was going to be very difficult.

"That's fine, Doctor Jackson."

Daniel jumped slightly when the nurse returned.

"You can go in now, sir. Just don't stay long – he's very tired."

"I won't," Daniel nodded. "Thank you," he returned the nurses smile and then knocked on the door again.

"Can I come in, Captain Ashton?"

Xxx

**MANDANA**

"How is your sister Platon Ashton?"

"She is doing well, thank you Mrs Fletcher," Lilly turned and smiled at Hettie Fletcher who was waiting at the school gate with her.

"She surely has her hands full with those babies," Hettie chuckled "Goodness knows it's hard enough with one to care for."

"Yes indeed," Lilly agreed as they watched the children stream out of the school. "But she and Niall are coping wonderfully," she added and waved at Finn as he sped towards her, his arms full of paintings.

"Well – please pass on our best wishes, Lilly," Hettie bowed slightly as she took her daughters hand. "And if there is anything she needs, tell her not to hesitate in contacting us."

"I will – thank you."

"No doubt I will see you in the morning."

"No doubt," Lilly agreed, collecting all of Finn's pictures as he passed them to her.

As Hettie and Sara walked away and Lilly gave her son her full attention.

"Did you have a good day?" She asked, juggling his backpack and coat.

"Yeah," Finn grinned. "I've done lots of pictures for Rachael and Sophie. Auntie Cara needs to put them up over their cribs."

"You did so many," Lilly chuckled and took Finns hand. "They are all so colourful and you must have worked very, very hard."

Finn skipped alongside his mother, chattering nonstop about his day as they made their way to their buggy.

"I had to stand up and tell the children all about the twins and Mrs Hanet said I did a wonderful job."

"I am sure you did," Lilly smiled and steadied him as he clambered aboard the buggy.

"Well – Jamenh thought I made it all up but Mrs Hanet said that he was being silly and rude," Finn wriggled round to face his mother. "I wouldn't make it up would I mami," he huffed.

Lilly clicked Clancy on and then turned to ruffle Finn's hair. "Mrs Hanet was right, poppet. He was just being silly. Take no notice."

"Are we going to see the babies now?" Finn asked, jigging up and down in excitement.

Lilly smiled but shook her head. "Not today, Finny. Auntie Cara is very tired so we will go another day."

"Oh," Finn grouched and folded his arms. "I wanted to show the girls their pictures."

Lilly chuckled as her boy pouted. "Another day soon Finn," she promised. "Don't forget that papi is going to be home for supper today. I have your favourite stew ready on the stove and I know that papi has your new book already to start tonight."

"I'd forgot all 'bout that," Finn turned and grinned, his disappointment quickly forgotten. "I can't wait to read all about Peter Pan."

Life in the Ashton house revolved around books. Lilly's library had expanded so much thanks to the monthly gifts from earth that Ben had been forced to add an extended room to house her collection onto the back of the cottage when he drew up the plans for the new nursery. They now had a lovely, bright space to relax and read, where the whole family came together in the evenings to lose themselves in literature.

To Finn it was the highlight of the day. "Papi said that Peter Pan is a little boy who never grew up," he couldn't contain his excitement. "Wouldn't that be so cool, mami?"

As Finn continued to gush, Lilly was happy to sit back and travel down the winding lanes of Tanger Province with her son at her side and the new life fluttering in her tummy.

Waves of contentment and unbridled joy washed over her.

Life was truly wonderful.


	3. Chapter 3

**ST AUGUSTUS HOSPICE.**

"So you work with my brother, Doctor Jackson?" Conner Ashton rested back against his pillows, slightly breathless.

Daniel had just introduced himself to the young captain. "Yes," he nodded and smiled.

"So – you're the base Doctor..."

"Actually I'm an archaeologist – my title is due to my linguistic and archaeology studies," Daniel quickly corrected. "I am not in the Air Force – I'm a civilian advisor working alongside the military."

"Oh. I haven't come across a civilian archaeologist advisor before," Conner frowned.

"Yes, well – it's complicated," Daniel smiled.

"It sounds it."

Daniel leant forward, expecting Conner to continue his questioning but he sighed and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry. You're tired," Daniel apologised. "I should go."

"No. No." Conner shook his head and opened his eyes again. "It's okay. The damn meds knock me on my ass more than the disease that is slowly killing me."

Daniel winched slightly at his words and then cleared his throat. "I was asked by General Landry to come and explain to you that Ben is on a tour of duty at the moment."

"I see," Conner nodded slowly.

"We have contacted his unit and he is on his way back to base but he probably won't arrive until later tomorrow," Daniel continued.

"Does he know that I'm dy...?That I'm sick?" Conner reached out for his glass of water and Daniel quickly helped him.

"No. Everything has been kept as low key as possible. He does know that you have contacted us," Daniel explained as he placed the half-empty glass back on the roll away table. "But we didn't want to go into details until he's seen you."

"So," Conner inched down again, "do you think he'll come? Have you had confirmation that he is on his way?"

Daniel frowned again. "Why wouldn't he come if you needed him, Conner?" He asked, leaning forward once more.

"Because it's years since we've been in contact," Conner shrugged. "After our parents were killed we kind of fell out and went our own ways. This is my first time back here in over fifteen years and, apart from a few letters at Christmas, we've led separate lives."

"I see," Daniel smiled kindly. "Unfortunately these sorts of things do happen," he added, noting the look of devastation on the sick man's face after his admission.

"I just wanted to see him, make my peace before I..."

Daniel reached over and placed a comforting hand on Conner's arm. "I know," he said softly.

"Yeah," Conner sighed and fiddled with his nasal cannular. "Well...things need to be said," he shrugged again. "Things need to be sorted."

"And they will be."

Silence enveloped the room for a while as both men struggled to know what to say next. Eventually Conner cleared his throat.

"So, is my big brother married?" He asked as he sat more upright.

"Um..." Daniel thought for a moment and then decided to tell the truth. "Yes. He married the wonderful Lilly seven years ago and they have a lovely son – Finn and another child on the way," he smiled.

"That's nice," Conner nodded slowly. "Ben was always the settling down type."

"Well – he did put his career first for a long time but Lilly turned his world round," Daniel distorted the truth slightly.

"Last thing I heard was that he'd joined the Air Force as a nurse!" Conner snorted.

"He is a damn good nurse," Daniel assured, wanting Conner to know what a wonderful medic his brother turned out to be. "He's saved many people's lives and the Air Force is lucky to have him."

"Yeah, well – Benny was always gonna be the one to succeed." Conner turned on to his side and pulled his covers up over his shoulders. "He's more like dad," he explained.

"Right," Daniel nodded and leant back in his chair. "What about you? What is your story Conner?" He asked.

"Me? Oh – I was the black sheep, if you know what I mean. I ran away from responsibility. I let Benny deal with all the shit surrounding mom and dad's deaths – that's when we sorta fell out," he shrugged as he explained. "Benny's the eldest and the sensible one. I lived my life in the fast lane – wine, women and song you see," he grinned.

"Yeah," Daniel chuckled, "I see."

Conner shifted slightly before continuing. "For a while I did try and follow in his footsteps – I joined the air force – hated it at first but when the posting to sleepy England came up I jumped at the chance to put distance between my past and make a new future for myself. Suppose it was the best thing I did. London was a good move, I got my head down and learnt a new trade," he paused and glanced at Daniel. "I'm a damn good electrician." he smiled.

"That's great."

"Yeah – it would be if I hadn't got sick," Conner sighed and diverted his gaze to his bed linen again. "Damn leukaemia has taken everything away from me and I've spent the last few years in and out of sterile hospitals, undergoing test after test – treatment after treatment and, no matter how hard I've fought, it's got the upper hand now..."his voice petered off into a whisper. "I'm dying. I can't change the fact but I can change my relationship with my family. I need to make my peace with my brother before it's too late, Doctor Jackson," he glanced at Daniel again, his eyes brimming with tears.

"It's going to be okay, Conner," Daniel reached and grasped his hand. "Ben is on his way, everything will be alright, I promise."

"I hope so."

Conner closed his eyes and allowed his tears to spill down his face.

Daniel reached and blotted them with a tissue and then sat and held the young captain's hand as he succomed to his exhaustion once more.

Life was not fair.

xxx

**MANDANA **

It was a busy time in Quinn hospital Gowton. Another explosion in the naquada mine on the outside of town had resulted in the main ward being full. Safety at the mine had improved considerably over the years, thanks to Earth's influences but there had been a spate of accidents due to a new tunnel being excavated to boost supplies to the System Lord who kept Mandana out of reach of danger, so to speak.

Nursing standards had come a long way as well. The staff at the hospital were now fully trained by Stargate Command and Platon Ashton knew that they could handle most things.

Ben smiled at the confident faces gathered round his desk for morning hand over, each and everyone one of them were now very experienced platon's, helena's or surgeons and it was a pleasure to work with them.

"Okay, let's get going," he said as he pulled out the first file. "Platon Beuner senior is in charge of the main ward this morning, barring any surgery emergencies. Mary and Gareth are charge helena's with Rose and Martha assisting," he began the meeting. "The ward is full still. Thomas can be discharged after breakfast. Hentor will need wound checks and physio," he flicked to the next page. "Roena needs prepping for surgery for tomorrow – nil by mouth after midday and Gena and Bronea are observation only."

"Yes Platon," the main ward shift chorused as Ben closed the file and reached for the next one.

"I am overseeing the ICU this morning with Drena as main helena," he continued. "Tannema Jankus is still in a critical condition but we are cautiously hopeful of survival although he may need further surgery at a later date."

Tannema Jankus was one of the senior miners and such a popular man. Everyone was willing him to survive his serious injuries. It had been touch and go for a while but Ben was happy to note that there had been an improvement in his condition over night. Recognising that his staff needed more reassurance as silence enveloped the room he looked up and smiled.

"It looks like he's turned a corner," he stated, holding the file to his chest. "He was able to recognise Alice and has moved his toes."

"Thank goodness," Lilly hung her head and mumbled. They had some good news at last.

Ben nodded in her direction and then handed her the next set of notes. "Right – I'm going to hand over to my wife now and she will go through this morning's requirements with the maternity staff. Everyone else can go and thank you for your time." He stood and pulled on his lab coat in preparation for his shift.

As the main staff drifted out of his office, Ben turned to his Lilly. "I'm just going to check on Tannema and then I'll do your monthly check up, Lilliput," he smiled.

"You are busy. I can get Conrad to do it," Lilly replied as she perched on the edge of Ben's desk ready to orchestrate her staff.

"No. I want to do it," Ben grinned. "I'd like to hear how our bubba is doing," he added and grabbed his stethoscope. "I won't be long."

"Take your time," Lilly reached and rubbed his arm. "We have a lot to go through today."

Ben nodded and then turned to go, pausing to smile at the midwifes who were sat, pencils ready and notebooks out. "Ladies," he bowed slightly and then made his way out of the room.

Lilly cleared her throat and then addressed her team. "First of all – I have an update on Cara Wenton," she smiled and soon had the complete attention of the room as she bought them up to speed on all the news of the twins and their mother.

Xxx

**STARGATE** **COMMAND**

Daniel knocked on General Landry's door.

"Come."

Poking his head round the door, he apologised when he noticed that the General was in the middle of a meeting with Colonel Cameron Mitchell.

"I can come back later, sir," he offered as he began to close the door.

"It's okay Jackson," Cam quickly intervened. "I think we've finished here haven't we General?"

"Just keep me posted on any developments, Colonel," Hank nodded and collected in the file's they'd been studying. "Come and take a seat Doctor Jackson," he glanced at the door and Daniel entered the room and smiled at Cam who stood and offered him his chair.

"Thank you, Colonel."

"Not a problem Jackson," Cam smiled back. "You gonna be long?" He added as he turned to leave.

"I just need to bring the General up to speed regarding Conner Ashton," Daniel took a seat with a heavy sigh. "Shouldn't take too long."

"Oh – I see," Cam nodded understandingly. "Feel up to some one on one in the basketball court before check in with Mandana?" He asked and waggled his eyebrows, laying down the gauntlet to his teammate and friend.

"That sounds a very good idea," Daniel grinned. "I could do with letting off some steam for a while," he admitted.

"I'll be in Sam's lab when you've finished." Cam returned the grin and then left the two men to their discussion.

"Coffee?" Hank offered, gesturing towards the coffee machine.

"I've just had one," Daniel smiled and laid out his notes on the General's desk. "Thanks anyway."

Hank recognised that the linguist was eager to get so started so he leant forward and gave him his full attention. "I take it you've spent some time with Captain Ashton?"

"Yes," Daniel nodded.

"Thoughts?"

"It is a tragic situation," Daniel informed with a sigh. "Conner is desperate to reconcile with his brother. Things have not been great between them since the death of their parents and he wants to make peace while he still feels strong enough to do so."

Hank pursed his lips and reached for his pen. "What were your impressions of the young man's condition?" He asked, reaching for his notebook. He had assured Washington that they would relay all information before making the decision about divulging the secret of the Stargate to Conner if it became necessary down the line.

Daniel cleared his throat before replying. "He is obviously terminally ill," he sighed. "I spoke with the experts and they are frankly amazed that he has survived so long. He has beaten the odds so many times and has had several spells of remission but there is nothing anyone can do for him now."

"How does he feel about that?" Hank asked as he took notes.

"He seems resigned to his fate," Daniel rubbed his eyes under his glasses; feeling extremely tired all of a sudden. It had been a long stressful time with Conner and he was beginning to dread the upcoming check in with Ben. "His dying wish is to make things up to his brother, to spend time he has left getting to know him all over again and hopefully, make his peace."

"How do you think Ben will react?"

"Knowing him as I do," Daniel pushed his glasses back on to his nose and sat back, "he will drop everything and come over," he continued. "Although it will be hard because of Lilly and the baby but Ben is very family orientated now and he wouldn't want Conner to be alone in all this."

"I concur," Hank nodded as he wrote.

"We will need to facilitate Ben's return, find him somewhere to stay..."

"I will commission a VIP suite – Washington has agreed that Captain Ashton can be admitted to the base infirmary for as long as necessary and I will bring Doctor Lam up to speed on his current condition."

"Thank you sir," Daniel said and reached for his notes. "Ben will be very grateful – they both will be."

"It is the very least we can do." Hank finished his note taking and closed his book. "You look tired, Daniel," he sighed. "Why don't you get your head down for an hour or so before check in?"

"I will," Daniel pushed up from his chair, "after I've proved my prowess on the basketball court," he grinned.

Hank chuckled and shook his head. "Don't take any prisoners, Doctor Jackson."

"Don't worry. I don't intend too."

"I'll join you for the Mandana check in, if that is alright with you?" Hank stood and crossed to his coffee pot.

"I would be most grateful, thank you."

"Right," Hank poured himself a cup of coffee and then reached for the phone. "I'll make the call to Doctor Lam now," he smiled at Daniel who nodded his thanks and then made his way out of the office.

He needed to get his head straight, work off some of the stress and then recharge his batteries. The next few hours were going to be difficult to say the least.

Xxx

**MANDANA **

Ben smiled when Lilly huffed as she lowered herself on his examination table. He knew his wife was fed up with all the prodding and poking but, after her difficult pregnancy with Finn, he was determined to keep a close eye on her condition this time.

"Drena checked me over last week," Lilly sighed, undoing her blouse to give Ben better access. "Everything was fine as it is now."

"Humour me," Ben reached for a tube of gel. "I just want to make sure for myself," he liberally squeezed the gel over her abdomen.

"That's cold!" Lilly shivered.

"You'd think that you would be used to this procedure by now," Ben chuckled as he grabbed his sonic aid. "It shouldn't be a shock to you anymore."

"Well it is!" Lilly squirmed.

"Keep still," Ben ordered with a smile, moving the bell end over her pregnancy bulge. "Okay Bumba, where are you?"

It took a few minutes but finally the strong steady beat of a healthy baby echoed round the office.

"Ah, there you are," Ben grinned and winked at Lilly. "Sounds good."

"I told you everything was fine," Lilly huffed again. "All this fuss over something that is completely routine and is in hand at the maternity wing."

Ben wiped the gel off Lilly's stomach and placed a blood pressure cuff round the top of her arm. "I'm not taking any risks this time Lilly," he said as he pumped the bell. "This time I'm going to keep a close eye on things whether you like it or not!"

Lilly rolled her eyes but remained silent as Ben continued his examination. She knew that he had every right to be concerned and anxious but she really did feel very well.

"Right – you can button up again Lilly," Ben smiled as he snapped off his gloves. "Everything is fine..."

"I told you so," Lilly sat up and buttoned her blouse. "I would know if anything was wrong – I do have a mother's instinct on these things you know," she glared at her husband who just shrugged in response.

"I would tell you if I felt unwell or was concerned in any way," Lilly continued, tucking her blouse into her skirt and grabbing her lab coat.

"Well – I am your platon, I need to..."

"Actually," Lilly interrupted as she hopped off the table. "I am keen for Cara to do my primary care. I will need you to care for Finn while I am in labour and if Cara is involved with my pregnancy beforehand it would make things easier."

"But..."

Lilly continued as if Ben hadn't spoken. "She is well trained and experienced and has delivered so many babies successfully. It will take the pressure off you."

"But, I want to be involved." Ben helped her into her lab coat.

Lilly turned and kissed his cheek. "I know you do my love," she smiled, "but I want you to be papi not platon. I want you to come to all my check ups, to hold my hand as all fathers do. Cara is more than capable to take over my care."

Ben hung his head and shoved his hands in his coat pockets. He felt slightly hurt that Lilly had just dismissed him as her platon. "I could do both..."

"No, you couldn't," Lilly grabbed her files. "Finn will need you and Cara really wants to repay me for helping her girls into the world. It's a sister thing," she smiled. "You do understand, don't you?" She added when Ben sighed heavily.

"If it makes you happy," he grouched.

"It does," Lilly nodded.

"Just keep me in the picture."

"Of course I will." Lilly tipped his chin and gently kissed his lips. "I promise."

"Good," Ben ran his fingers through her curls and pulled her in for another kiss. "Take things easy," he then urged gently. "I know you're short staffed at the moment with Cara off, just don't do too much."

"I won't," Lilly promised with a smile and turned to leave. "Oh," she paused in the doorway. "What time are we leaving for the stone ring?"

"We have time to have lunch together," Ben placed his stethoscope round his neck. "Check in is late afternoon and we should be back in time for supper." He reached and opened the door for his wife. "Are your parents still alright to collect Finn from school?"

"Of course," Lilly replied as the two platon's then walked down the hospital corridor together. "Ma said that they are taking him over to Cara's to see the girls."

"He'll enjoy that."

"Yes he will."

The young couple paused at the door that led to the ICU and Lilly gave Ben a quick peck on the cheek.

"I will meet you in the lunch hall at noon," she smiled.

"It's a date," Ben smiled back before taking a deep breath and pushing through the swing doors.

It was time to get serious.

He had a job to do.


	4. Chapter 4

**STARGATE COMMAND**

"It's great to see you guys," Daniel spoke into the intercom when Lilly and Ben appeared on the screen.

"_Hi Daniel – great to hear from you too! I must admit I'm surprised you answered our hail – I thought you were going to Atlantis?"_

"Long story, Ben."

"_Is everything okay?"_

"Everything is fine just a change of plan at the last minute."

"_Oh, okay."_

There was then a long silence as both men struggled to know what to say next. Ben was slightly thrown that Daniel was talking to them. Usually it was just a quick check in with Walter followed by a delivery of supplies. The last time they'd had personal contact with senior Stargate Command personel was when Janet Fraiser died. Sam Carter had broken the news to him at their next scheduled check in and he was becoming slightly worried that something awful had happened again.

He cleared his throat and approached the M.A.L.P. screen again. _"How are Jack and Sam?"_ He asked as nonchalantly as possible.

"They're fine," Daniel replied. "Jack is enjoying Washington and Sam is spending time with Cassie."

"_Teal'c?"_

"He's on Tulac with his family."

"_Good, that's good."_

"How are your family?"

"_We're all fine."_

"Good."

Another uncomfortable silence descended and Daniel knew he would have to take a deep breath and tell his friend what was happening. After glancing at General Laundry, who nodded and gave him a reassuring smile, he keyed the radio again.

"Listen Ben," he began. "We have been contacted by your brother's unit in London."

He watched as Ben frowned and glanced at Lilly

"Conner is sick," he continued, "very sick and wants to see you."

"_Conner? My brother?"_

Daniel could see the confusion on Ben's face – the news was obviously coming as a shock to his friend.

"Yes – Conner. He's really sick Ben. I think you should see him."

"_How sick?"_

Daniel closed his eyes and took another deep breath. "He's dying buddy, I'm so sorry."

"_He's...he's dying? Are you sure?"_

"He has end stage Leukaemia, Ben."

"_H...how do you k...know?"_

Daniel watched as Lilly grabbed Ben's hand to steady him when he swayed slightly. He just wished there was an easier way of telling him this awful news.

"He's here in the infirmary Ben – Doctor Lam has confirmed the diagnosis. He's been battling it for years but there is nothing more they can do for him now. He doesn't have long, Ben – I'm so very sorry."

"_I...I..."_ Ben stuttered. "_I need to see him."_

General Laundry smiled at Daniel and leant in to make the arrangements for the devastated man. "Everything is in place for you to return, Benjamin – if that's what you want."

"_It is."_ Ben's reply was adamant.

"Okay – take a moment with your wife. We will put you on standby for return to Earth."

"_Thank you sir."_

Hank took control of the M.A.L.P and guided it back towards the gate to allow Ben and Lilly some privacy.

Although he hated to rush them, he knew that time was money and hoped their goodbyes would be swift.

Xxx

**MANDANA**

"I...I..."

Lilly quickly enveloped her husband in her arms and gently rocked him.

"I...I...have to go..."

"I know, I know."

"I don't understand? He's so young... I don't understand..."

"Shh, shh," Lilly continued to rock.

"How can he be dying? I don't understand..."

"I'm so very sorry my love." Lilly could feel that Ben was shaking in reaction and wanted to hold him forever but she also knew that he needed to go and check things out for himself as quickly as possible so gently eased him out of her embrace. "You have to go now, sweetheart. They are holding the gate for you," she cupped his face and smiled as reassuringly as she could. "Your brother needs you. We will be just fine."

Ben wiped a hand across his face. "Come with me?"

Lilly shook her head and kissed his forehead. "I can't leave Finn, my love. You need to do this on your own."

"I don't want to...I don't want to leave you..."

"Ben – listen to me." Lilly caressed his cheek. "This is something you have to do, you have to say goodbye to your brother. We will be just fine without you – I promise."

When Ben started to object again she placed a finger on his lips. "I cannot risk going through the ring in my condition – you know that," she played the dirty card – using her pregnancy to get Ben to agree to leave them behind. "And Finn has school. It is not the time to explain Earth to him, he is too young. I will tell him that you have been called away to help at another hospital for a while – he will understand. You have to go now my love; they are holding the gate for you," she repeated gently.

"No..."

"Please, your brother needs you. He is your family too." Lilly took his hand and led him towards the mound that led to the gate. "You have to go to him."

Ben stared at the gate and then at his wife. "I love you so much," he pulled her in for a hug. "I don't know if I will be home before the next check in date..."

"Don't worry."

"I'll try and get a message to you if I can..."

"Just love your brother – you need to be strong for him." Lilly felt tears spring into her eyes and buried her head in Ben's chest to hide them from him. "I love you too," she mumbled as Ben stroked her hair.

"Give Finn a big kiss and hug from me," Ben's voice broke as he held her.

"I will," Lilly promised and then pushed out of his arms. "You must go now," she wiped her tears and smiled. "Do not worry about us – we will be just fine and waiting patiently for your return."

Ben walked backwards up to the gate, his eyes trained on his wife at all times. "I will try and get word to you," he smiled. "I promise."

"I love you," Lilly smiled.

Ben paused at the gate and blew her a kiss. "I love you too, so very much, Lilliput," he smiled for the last time and then stepped into the event horizon...

Lilly stood, stunned and routed to the spot as the gate disconnected.

What the hell had just happened?

Xxx

**STARGATE COMMAND **

Step in. Step out.

It was a simple as that.

One step and you're on a different world. One step and you leave everyone you love behind you.

One step that changes everything.

A grey, industrial, artificially lit world replaced Mandana's lush green meadows and rolling hills and Ben's heart all but stopped as he stumbled down the ramp towards his friend.

"Good to see you, Ben." Daniel smiled warmly as he stepped forward to greet him.

"You too," Ben managed to reply before Daniel enveloped him a comforting hug.

"I'm so sorry you had to return under such circumstances," his friend sympathised.

Ben almost felt like a stranger in his home world as General Laundry then stepped forward to introduce himself and inform him that Doctor Lam was waiting for him in the infirmary.

There was no General Hammond. No Janet Fraiser. No Jack O'Neill. No Samantha Carter. No Teal'c...

Everything had changed, almost as much as he had, and at this moment in time all Ben wanted to do was to turn round and run back to his family and his world.

This was all too much to take in.

Xxx

**MANDANA**

The suns were beginning to set when Lilly pulled up at her parent's home.

It was getting late and almost time for her boy to sleep – he had school tomorrow, he had routine, he had normality – a routine and normality at was about to change though and Lilly really didn't know how she was going explain things to him.

How could she explain to her six year old boy that his papi had gone away and might not be back for a long time, a very long time?

Ben had said he would try to get word to her before the next check in but that was a month away and a month was a very long time for a little boy to miss his father – it was a very long time for a wife to miss her husband and for a husband to miss his family too.

She needed to take a deep breath to calm her nerves, to be as relaxed as possible. This was going to be hard to explain.

"Hey Lilly Lou!"

Lilly took her deep breath and then turned and smiled at her father as he strode towards her, a basket of crops in his hand. "Hi pa," she greeted before climbing down and tethering Clancy to the horse pole.

"You are late returning." Her father pulled her in for a quick hug before they started to walk together down the path leading to the house together. "We were beginning to worry. Your ma was just about to send me out to search the countryside for you and young Finny was getting slightly worked up because his papi promised to read him his book tonight," Sergi chuckled and looked around, obviously searching for his son in law. "Did you drop Benjamin off at home first?" He frowned.

Lilly scrubbed a hand through her curls and cleared her throat. "Um, no, he..."

"I was hoping that he would give me a quick hand with the rest of the root harvest before you journeyed on. Your mother was right—I planted far too much this year."

"Pa." Lilly stopped and placed a hand on her father's shoulder. "Ben didn't return with me," she told him and gave him a shaky smile.

"What?" Sergi gave her a puzzled look in return.

"He, um..." Lilly sighed and then took another deep breath. To actually verbalise what happened would make it even more real. "He has returned to Earth. His brother is dying and he has gone to be with him."

"He...what?" Sergi shook his head, obviously shaken and confused.

"Ben has not had contact with his brother for many years but he has searched for him and Daniel advised that he needed to return."

"But, what about you?" Sergi reached and placed a hand on her abdomen and gently stroked her bump. "You need him as well, my love."

Lilly placed her hand over his and gave it a squeeze. "I am fine, the baby is not due for several months. His brother needs him at the moment."

"What about Finn? He's going to be so devastated."

"I know, but Ben had no choice – he had to go. Finn will just need to understand."

"And, what will you tell him?"

"I will tell him that his papi is needed somewhere else for a while..."

"Will you tell him that Ben has returned to Earth?"

Lilly shook her head. "No. I cannot do that. It will only confuse him and he is not old enough to know the truth about his papi's past yet. Ben and I have discussed this many times. No, I will tell Finn that he has had to go and help at another hospital, far away and will not be returning until everyone sick has been healed."

"Which will be when?"

"I don't know," Lilly admitted and hung her head.

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"I mean that it could be days, weeks maybe months."

"When will you know?" Sergi urged.

Lilly felt tears sting her eyes and she looked up at her father and blinked slowly, not really knowing what to say, what to tell him. "I—I..." As her first tear fell, she immediately found herself being pulled into strong arms.

"It's okay, it's okay," Sergi soothed as he gently rocked her. "Everything will be okay, you'll see," he promised.

How could things change so quickly?

How was she going to lie to her son and how was she going to cope on her own?

This morning her life had been so simple but now it was so complicated and Lilly wanted desperately to turn back time.

Xxx

**STARGATE COMMAND**

"Can I see him?" Ben sat as still as possible as Carolyn took a blood sample.

"He's sleeping," Carolyn quickly released the tourniquet off his arm and placed the vial of blood in an emesis bowl a nurse held out to her, "and I don't want him disturbed if possible," she smiled as she snapped off her gloves.

"How is he?" Ben asked, holding his finger against the plaster Carolyn had placed over his puncture wound.

"He's exhausted more than anything at this point. I've hooked him up with some fluids and a mild sedative and hopefully he'll be brighter in the morning."

Ben cleared his throat and fidgeted on the gurney, not really knowing what to say or ask next. He felt uncomfortable and out of place. Carolyn seemed nice enough but she was not Janet and he wanted, more than anything, for his old friend to be here right now. "Um, Doctor Jackson told me that Conner is terminal."

Carolyn smiled, took a seat and placed a hand on his knee. "I've been through all of his records," she started to explain. "He was diagnosed with leukaemia about ten years ago and has put up one hell of a battle. Unfortunately, they can do little for him now. My opinion is that if he succumbs to one more infection then that it will be his last I'm afraid as he has little to no immune system left."

"Does he know?"

"Oh, yes," Carolyn rolled her eyes and chuckled slightly. "He is quite a tenacious young man, your brother, Mr Ashton..."

"Please - call me Ben," Ben interrupted softly.

"Well, Ben," Carolyn smiled, "your brother know's exactly what is happening and is very knowledgeable about the stages of leukaemia. You could say that he is more than an expert and has given my nurses many suggestions on how to treat him."

Ben felt the beginning of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth – he knew very well what his brother was like. "He's being difficult I take it," he could not help but grin.

"Yes, you could say that." Carolyn laughed sarcastically.

"Ah, yes – my dear brother has obviously not changed."

"Well, I don't know about that but he is obviously a very confident young man."

"Yes he is," Ben nodded in agreement.

Carolyn stood and pulled the curtains back from the cubicle. "Right – it's time for your MRI now and I think Doctor Jackson is going to meet you afterwards to show you to your room."

Ben nodded and straightened. "Thank you, Doctor Lam."

"Call me Carolyn."

"Thank you Carolyn."

"If you have any questions, queries or problems at all you know where to find me."

"I do."

Ben actually felt relieved that he didn't have to face Conner tonight, everything was so jumbled and he needed to clear his head first.

Tomorrow would be easier.

Still feeling totally out of place, Ben then left the infirmary under the watchful eye of an airman who had been sent to escort him to the MRI room.

The corridors of the SGC were full of personel, hurrying about their business with their heads down and oblivious to his presence and Ben had never felt as lonely as he did at that very moment.

He actually felt like a stranger in his own world.


	5. Chapter 5

**MANDANA**

Lilly tucked Barney, Finn's trusty bear, under her boy's arm and kissed his forehead.

"Time to sleep," she smiled as she then smoothed his covers.

"I'm not tired," Finn sighed dramatically.

It was way past his bedtime now as Lilly had reluctantly agreed to her mother's offer of supper. All she'd actually wanted to do was to collect her boy and go straight home, shut the world out and sleep but she had been persuaded to stay by Finn who had practically begged her so his grandpi could finish the train track he was making for him while supper finished cooking.

He was fighting sleep now and when his dramatic sigh ended in a cavernous yawn, Lilly grinned and ruffled his hair.

"Oh, I think you are, young man," she chuckled. .

Finn huffed before inching down in bed again. "Papi promised me he would read me more of my story," he grumbled, tucking Barney under his chin and stroking his fur. "He was going to finish the chapter tonight."

Finn had been more upset that his father didn't say goodbye rather than the fact that he wouldn't be returning for several weeks. Lilly had tried to explain that it had been an emergency but that hadn't stopped him sulking and complaining all the way home.

"It is not his fault, you know that. He had no choice but to leave straight away," she explained again. "I will read you your book but not tonight, it is too late tonight."

"It's not the same," Finn huffed again. "He shouldn't promise things like that..."

Lilly sighed and hung her head, knowing that her son wasn't being unreasonable – a promise was a promise and she knew that right now, Ben would be feeling as upset as their boy.

"...grandpi always keeps his promises," Finn continued sadly. "He never not does what he says he's gonna do."

As much as Lilly wanted Finn to understand what was going on she knew that he was over tired and any further explanation or reasoning on her part would probably make things worse so she reached and pulled the quilt over his shoulders and kissed the top of his head.

"We will talk more in the morning," she promised with a smile. "Go to sleep my little man."

As Finn curled up on his side and started to suck his thumb, Lilly ran her fingers through his hair and reached for her lamp.

"Sweet dreams," she gently kissed him again before making her way out of the room.

"Mami?"

She stopped and turned at the sound of her boy's sleepy voice. "Yes Finn."

"Papi does love me doesn't he?" Finn looked at her, his eyes blinking slowly as he cuddled his bear tightly.

"Of course he does, you know that," she sighed sadly.

"Why didn't he say good bye to me then?"

Lilly took a deep breath and then let it go slowly. "Because he had to go straightaway, because he had to save other boys and girls mami's and papi's, sweetheart. I told you that earlier."

"But, why my papi?"

Lilly's heart was breaking as Finn's eyes filled with tears. "Because he is a very special man who always tries his hardest to help others and we should be very proud of him," she told her sad little boy before quickly clearing her throat when tears sprang into her eyes too. "He loves us very much Finn but others need him more at the moment. He told me that he know's that you are going to be a very grown up boy and help me while he is away and I am to tell you that he is very proud of you."

"I miss him."

"Me too but it will not be forever."

"When will he be home?"

"I cannot tell you that but as soon as he can he will be. Come on Finn, no more questions now poppet, it's late and you need to sleep – you have school in the morning."

"'kay," Finn sighed.

"Good boy."

"Good night mami."

"Good night, my Finn."

Finn's eyes started to flutter close as he fought sleep for a while longer but, finally the draw of slumber proved too much and they stayed shut.

Lilly rested her head on the frame of the door and watched her boy sleep, wishing with all her heart that his papi would be home as quickly as possible.

A month seemed a lifetime at the moment.

xxx

**STARGATE COMMAND**

"Morning," Daniel smiled and pulled up a chair. "Did you manage to get some sleep?" He asked as he opened his carton of milk and poured it over his cereal. Morning briefing was over and he'd joined his friend for breakfast before starting his first training session of the day.

Ben seemed preoccupied, sitting with his head down and stirring his oats.

"Some," he glanced up and shrugged in reply before returning to his breakfast.

Daniel sighed heavily as he added sugar to his cereal. His friend looked so lost and he didn't really know what to say to him. "So," he began after sitting in silence for a while, "have you seen Conner yet?"

"Nope," Ben shrugged again. "Doctor Lam and her team were doing tests when I popped down first thing. I'm going back in an hour."

"Did they tell you how he was?"

"They just said that he'd had a good night," Ben sighed and pushed his bowl away, "which is more than I had," he admitted as he slumped back in his chair.

"I'm sure it must be strange," Daniel commiserated softly.

"You can say that again," Ben laughed. "It's more than strange, it's, it's – odd."

"Ah, yes – odd," Daniel grinned at Ben's confusion, hoping to lighten the atmosphere slightly. "Odd is a better word than strange," he teased with a wink.

"You know what I mean," Ben slowly grinned back. "This time yesterday I was cleaning the chicken pen out before joining my family for a home cooked breakfast," he poked at his congealing oats with his spoon. "This," he tapped his bowl, "is far from home cooked."

"So, you're missing you home cooked food then," Daniel chuckled before eating a spoonful of cereal.

"Amongst other things," Ben nodded as he stretched. "You know – I don't miss Earth food one little bit. My Lilly is such a good cook; we have fresh meat, vegetables and herbs on Mandana. None of this pre packed crap."

"And you look very well on it, my friend."

"Yeah," Ben sighed and picked up his napkin and started shredding it.

Daniel watched his friend, noting his nervous action. "Are you okay?" He asked gently.

"No, not really," Ben shrugged as he rolled the paper into balls and started flicking them across the table.

"Ben?" Daniel reached out and placed his hand over Bens. "It's going to be okay, I promise."

"What am I doing here?" Ben slowly looked up sighed. "I don't belong here, I should be with Lilly. I should be at the hospital – I don't fit in here anymore."

"You're here for your brother," Daniel smiled gently.

"I don't know my brother," Ben snorted. "I haven't seen him for over fifteen years. What the hell am I going to say to him?"

"You don't have to say anything. He's not expecting you to say anything; he just wants to make his peace while he's strong enough."

Ben shook his head. "Well, I'm not sure I'm strong enough," he admitted and picked up his napkin again. "I have no idea how to handle the situation Daniel. I want to go home. I should never have come. Lilly is my priority and she and Finn are my family now. Conner abandoned me to deal with everything after our parent's death – he didn't need me then so why the hell does he need me now?"

Daniel sat back with a sigh. "You need to talk to him, Ben. He's as scared as you are, believe me."

Ben frowned as he tore his napkin again. "I've been going over and over things in my mind all night and just hit a brick wall so I've decided to treat him like I do most of my patients. I can do compassion – he's dying, I understand that. I can deal with that, I've had training. It will be easier this way."

"If I were you, I wouldn't go into this with any plan. Just try to get to know each other again first. He doesn't need another doctor. He know's he's dying, he's accepted that, what he needs is a friend – a brother. Just get to know each other while you can, you might regret not doing that when it's too late and you no longer have the chance. I know it's going to be hard but you both need to make peace with each other so you can have closure."

"And, what do I tell him about my life?" Ben asked softly. "Do I tell him that I've spent the past few years on another planet, living with an alien, 'cause he sure as hell won't believe that!"

"If you want to," Daniel shrugged and reached for his coffee.

"Really?" Ben frowned.

"Yeah – why not? I know that Landry has cleared things with Washington for you to tell Conner the truth if you want to. That decision will be in your hands but if honestly is how you want to play this, which I think is the right way to go by the way – then be open, tell him, let him in to your world. You'll probably surprised by his reaction."

"I don't think it's a good time to lay that little gem on him at the moment, he's got enough on his plate as it is."

"It's up to you but it is an option if you need one."

Ben nodded and then threw the napkin across the table, sat back and scrubbed a hand through his hair in frustration. "Ah, crap! This is such a mess!"

"If you think this is a mess," Daniel chuckled, "then you're not going to believe what has been happening around here recently," he said, deciding that a change of subject just might take his friends mind of his woes for a while and he hadn't had the chance to fill Ben in on his 'not going to Atlantis' saga yet. Now seemed the perfect time.

"Oh?"

Daniel smiled when Ben took the bait. "Well, you haven't meet Vala yet. If you think you're in a mess..."

xxx

"You can go in now," Carolyn smiled and rubbed Ben's arm.

"What? Yeah – okay," Ben replied nervously.

Conner had been moved off the main infirmary into a private room off the infirmary corridor. As there were no real medical treatments they could offer him it more of a case of making sure he was as comfortable possible and allow him some private time with his brother.

"Don't forget, he will tire easily so try not to stay too long."

"No...Right, yes." Ben chewed his nails, not really knowing what to do next. His brother was only a step through a door away, very much like the step through the Stargate but Ben felt so nervous and unsure of himself. All he wanted to do was bury his head in the sand and walk away but the 'moment of truth' had arrived and, unfortunately, there was no avoiding it anymore.

"I'll leave you too it then," Carolyn rubbed his arm again. "I'll be in my office if you need me."

Ben managed to nod, his eyes never leaving the grey door and, after waiting for the sound of Carolyn's footsteps to fade, he took a deep breath, knocked gently and waited for a response.

Suddenly he felt like a fourth grader with sweaty palms and a pounding heart, waiting to see the principle.

He actually felt very scared.

But, when a familiar voice told him to 'come in' he wiped his hands on his pants, took another deep breath and that final step.

Xxx

**MANDANA**

"I have told Finn that his father has been called away to help at another hospital," Lilly explained "and that he will be gone for a long time."

"I understand," Conrad nodded slowly. "And, is he alright with that?"

"Not really," Lilly shrugged, "but it was the easiest thing to tell him and I am sure he has accepted it as the truth. He will be just fine."

Lilly had dropped Finn off at school before journeying on the hospital an hour early for her shift. Breaking the news of Ben's absence to Conrad was not going to be easy as the hospital was still very busy and to lose such a senior platon meant that everyone else was going to have to work extra hard. They were already the main midwife down because of Cara's maternity leave and Lilly herself had cut her hours considerably due to her pregnancy and childcare issues with Finn. Informing Conrad that she had no idea when Ben would return was not easy.

"And, what about you? Will you be fine Lilly Ashton?" Conrad sighed as reached for a pen. "You already have nearly a full week of shifts a head of you, a farm to run, Finn to care for and your own health to take into consideration."

"I will be just fine. I can manage everything. My work will not suffer."

"You misunderstand me, Lilly. I am not concerned about the standard of your work, I am merely making an observation in regards to how difficult it will be for you while Benjamin is away," Conrad smiled kindly. "We will all pull together here at the hospital but I do think that you will need some help with the everyday running of your household."

Lilly bristled slightly, feeling almost annoyed that Conrad was suggesting that she could not cope with things on her own. "I am more than capable of coping," she replied curtly. "The same as my mother was when my father was away. I am a strong, Tanger women and am not afraid of hard work!"

"Child, please I mean no offence," Conrad placed a hand over hers. "I just do not want you to exhaust yourself. There are plenty of people who would be willing to step in and help you, Lilly. I do not want you to be afraid of asking for the support of others, that is all."

Lilly ran a hand through her curls and sighed heavily, feeling slightly foolish for doubting her friend's good intentions. "I am sorry. You are right, my friend," she smiled slightly. "I am sure my parents will help me and I promise to ask if I am struggling at all."

"Make sure you do," Conrad smiled softly and squeezed the hand he held. "You and Finn are not alone in all this. We will do everything in our power to ease the pain of Ben's absence for you."

"Thank you."

"We are your friends and that is what friends do, child."

xxx

**STARGATE COMMAND**

"Are you gonna stand in the doorway all day, Benny?"

Ben didn't really know what he'd expected but he hadn't expected to not even recognise his own brother. Gone was the mop of golden curls, gone was the podgy teenager. The man in front of him was a shadow of the boy who turned his back on everything after their parent's death.

"Right, yeah – sorry," he stuttered as he entered the private room. "It's just that..."

"You didn't recognise me?" Conner shrugged.

"Um... yeah, not straight away," Ben admitted, lowering himself into the chair next to Conner's bed.

"Well, I suppose a decade of chemo and radiation treatment is gonna change a man," Conner sighed. "Inside and out, by the way."

"I suppose."

"While you, on the other hand, haven't changed one bit!" Conner grinned. "Actually, maybe the hair is a tad lighter and you've obviously been working out, but, apart from that, you're exactly like I remembered you Benny!"

Ben just didn't know how to reply to that. He had so much planned to say, so many questions he wanted answered but the shock of seeing Conner looking so ill had completely thrown him.

"You look well, my brother," Conner continued, "married life obviously suits you – Doctor Jackson told me. Lilly? Is that right?"

"Um, yeah."

"And you have a boy – Finn?"

"Yeah."

Ben picked at a thread on his pants, trying desperately to avoid eye contact. He just felt so uncomfortable.

"Come on Benny," Conner sighed after a while. "I wanna hear all about your family."

"I... um," Ben quickly glanced up and then back down again straight away. Conner was sat leaning forward, expecting him to all about his life, all about his family. How could he tell him how wonderful his life was when Conner's was just drawing to an end? It didn't seem right. "Um, yeah Lilly and Finn," he repeated softly but he knew he just couldn't go on anymore, not now. "Listen, I, um...I've just gotta go and do..." He pushed up out of his chair.

"Yeah, no problem," Conner shrugged, slumping back against his pillows and closing his eyes. "I'm sure you're real busy, Benny." Heavy sarcasm laced his voice.

"I'll be back later." Ben turned and bolted out of the room, slamming the door after him.

"Yeah, whatever no problem. I'm not going anywhere – See ya later!" Conner spat back.

Ben sank down onto the floor and rested his head in his hands.

What an almighty mess!

Xxx

Carolyn was sitting at her desk, finishing her paper work when she heard the door slam. She glanced up and sighed at the sight of Ben on his haunches, leaning against the door with his head in his hands. Obviously the reunion had not gone well.

She clicked her pen shut, popped it in her pocket and closed her file. Paper work could wait.

"Ben?" She crossed to his side, knelt in front of him and rubbed his arm. "Is everything okay?"

The slow shake of his head told her all she needed to know. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked calmly. "I've got a pot of coffee brewing in my office. Why don't we have a chat, in private hey?"

Ben slowly uncurled and looked at her, his eyes full of pain and sadness. "Okay," he sighed and she placed her hand under his elbow, guided him to his feet.

"Doctor Jackson gave me some of his special Columbian brand coffee as a welcoming present." She kept conversation light as they crossed to her office. "Apparently it's the most expensive coffee in the world."

Ben slumped wearily into a chair as Carolyn then reached for a cup and poured him a steaming cup. "Cream and sugar?" She asked, replacing the pot back on the hot plate.

"Just milk," Ben shrugged.

"Milk it is," Carolyn smiled and reached for an individual pot of milk, snapped the top off and added the contents to Ben's cup. "Be careful," she said as she passed him the cup before taking a seat and grabbing her own drink. "It's hot."

Ben nodded, blew on the beverage and then took a sip.

Carolyn took in his hunched posture and flat countenance. She knew how hard the situation must be difficult for him, it was no fun to have his life turned upside down again but, she also knew that it was equally as difficult for Conner, maybe even more so as Ben's response to his brother had apparently not been that good.

"So – you wanna tell me what just happened?" She asked, placing her cup down and giving Ben her full attention. "What was with the slamming of the door?"

"I just, "Ben shrugged, "I just bottled it," he admitted with a sigh and took another sip of coffee.

"Oh?"

"Yeah – I thought I knew what to say but I kinda froze."

"You froze?"

Ben placed his cup down slowly and carefully before leaning forward and placing his head in his hands. "He didn't look like my brother," he stated, tugging at his hair in frustration.

"Oh?"

"He was a stranger to me. I didn't recognise him."

"It has been fifteen years Ben."

Ben slowly shook his head from side to side. "He hadn't aged – it just wasn't him. That man bares no resemblance to my brother."

"It's because he's sick, Ben and he has been for a very long time," Carolyn sighed, keeping her tone as comforting as possible.

"I know that but..."

"But you didn't expect him to look sick."

Ben lifted his head. "I didn't expect him to look _that_ sick," he nodded slowly.

Carolyn leant back in her chair and picked her coffee up again. "He's actually doing much better," she smiled. "He was in a poor condition on arrival but now he's perked up considerably. I'm hoping that, although his prognosis hasn't changed that he'll have a few weeks, maybe months of reasonably good health. It will be a shame not to take advantage of that and get to know each other again."

"I'm not sure I can do that."

"Of course you can. That man sitting alone in that room is your brother. You need to look past his apperance and find his spirit. I'm sure that hasn't diminished in the past fifteen years."

"And how do I do that?"

"That's up for you to decide but, if you don't try you might regret it for the rest of your life. You just need to give him a chance Ben – it's his last one."

Ben stared at her for a while before slumping back in his chair. "I made a right mess of that, didn't I?" He sighed and tugged at his hair again. "For God's sake – I'm the eldest and I acted like a petulant child!"

"If you say so," Carolyn grinned. "Although I think that your reaction was more than likely a knee jerk one and totally understandable considering the circumstances."

"I'm an ass, an ignorant ass who is very sorry and about to apologise to his brother and start all over again." He pushed himself upright. "Thank you for the coffee, Doctor Lam."

"My pleasure," Carolyn smiled.

"I'm just going to tell my brother all about my family," Ben returned the smile.

"You do that," Carolyn nodded and then watched him leave.

She sighed and then reached for her next file.

Mission accomplished.

Xxx

"Wow! She's so beautiful, Benny," Conner grinned as he looked at a photo of Lilly.

"Yes, she is," Ben smiled and then passed him a photo of Finn. "And this is our Finn."

"God – he looks just like you. Poor boy," Conner teased light-heartedly.

"Then he's a damn handsome young lad," Ben chuckled, joining in with the light mood. He had immediate apologised profusely to his brother when he returned, took full responsibility for his 'pissy' mood and had started to fill him in on his family.

"I don't know about that," Conner shrugged with a laugh and handed him back the photos. "But, you sure are gonna have to keep the girls back with a stick when he's older."

"Yeah, well," Ben traced Finn's smiling face with a finger, taking a moment to miss his little boy.

"You okay?"

"What? Yeah," he looked up and smiled at Conner who was watching him with a frown on his face.

"You look like you haven't seen him for a while?"

Ben cleared his throat and then popped his photos back into his inside pocket. "I haven't," he admitted without giving too much away.

"Oh?"

"You know what it's like being in the services – tours of duty last months and I haven't been home in a while," Ben shrugged.

"And, where is home?" Conner asked, resting back on his pillows again.

Ben was immediately thrown by the question but managed to take a deep breath while he worked out a few logistic details before answering. "Springfield, though Lilly and Finn are visiting Lilly's parents in Washington at the moment," he lied. "Lilly is, um... helping out at her father's practice."

"So she's a nurse too?"

"No – um, she's a doctor a-actually, "Ben stumbled for a while, knowing that the lie was probably getting out of hand. He needed to change the subject and fast. "Listen, that's enough about me," he cleared his throat. "What about you? Do you have a family?"

"Ah, you know me, Benny," Conner shrugged, "young free and single, always have been and like it that way. You could say I'm a confirmed bachelor."

"No one special?"

"Nope. Just me and the lady cancer."

Ben felt as if he'd been punched in the stomach. Of all the stupid things to ask! "God, I'm sorry," he quickly apologised.

"Don't be," Conner shook his head and closed his eyes. "The lady cancer has been a persistent bitch at my side for a decade. I'm kinda used to her."

"Conner, I'm..."

Conner opened his eyes and smiled softly. "Don't you dare say you're sorry again Benny. I'm resigned to the hand God dealt me now. Death doesn't scare me it's what I do in the life I have left that is far more important."

Ben reached out and grabbed his brother's hand. "You are an amazing man," he smiled sincerely.

"I do what I can," Conner replied and squeezed the hand that held his.

The brothers sat and smiled at each other for a while until Ben cleared his throat again.

"Right," he inched closer to the bed. "Doc Lam said that you're doing really well at the moment and I don't have to be home for a few more weeks. What would you like to do? Where would you like to go?"

Conner blinked slowly, his eyes suddenly full of tears. "I'd like to visit mom and dad," he sighed as a tear fell.

"Of course," Ben reached and brushed his tear away. "That goes without saying," he added softly with a smile.

"Thank you," Conner returned the smile.

"No – thank you for finding me again. We have so much to catch up on..."

"And so little t-time."

Ben's heart broke as Conner began to sob. He reached and took his brother in his arms and held him a tightly as he could. "It's going to be okay – I promise," he whispered as he gently rocked him.

He was going to make sure that Conner had the time of his life – they had time for that at least.


	6. Chapter 6

**MANDANA**

It was now two weeks since Ben had left Mandana and Lilly felt that she and Finn were now in some sort of routine, thanks to her father and Niall's help with the animals.

She had the school run perfected and was just dropping Finn off for the day.

"Have a good day," she bent and kissed his cheek.

"I will mami," Finn grinned and then ran off to join his friends in the schoolyard.

Lilly pulled her coat tighter round her when the wind started to pick up, another storm was on the way and she was anxious to get home before it struck as it was her only day off work this week and she had a lot planned.

The nursery had to be sorted; meals for the rest of the week prepared and Finn's closet needed going through. Normal family life carried on regardless and was actually something that Lilly was used to as her father's job dictated that he spent days, if not weeks away from the family home when she was a child. It didn't mean that she wasn't missing Ben – which she was greatly but, now she had finally resigned herself that it could be weeks if not months before he returned home, things were beginning to get easier.

Everyone had been very accommodating – Conrad made sure her shifts at the hospital enabled her to take Finn to school and pick him up at the end of the day. Anton had stepped in to cover her allotted three nights and her parents took over Finns care if she had to work at the weekend.

Overall, things were running as smoothly as possible and Lilly was really looking forward to her day of domestic peace and quiet. As she hurried towards her cart, she smiled and waved at her friends. She would have loved to stop to chat but she really didn't have the time and the distant rumble of thunder made her quicken her pace.

After a quick glance behind her to make sure Finn was okay, she went to climb aboard her cart.

"Platon Ashton?"

A familiar voice made her stop in her tracks though and she hung her head and took a deep breath before plastering a smile on her face and turning to greet Martha Hasnded – wife of Pastor Hasnded.

"Good morning, Martha," she bowed slightly as the elderly woman strode towards her.

"Good morning, Lilly," Martha returned the bow. "I am glad I have caught up with you," she smiled kindly. "I was talking with your mother the other day and she told me that Platon Ashton is away at the moment and I was wondering if there is anything myself or the pastor can do to help at all?"

Lilly returned the smile and shook her head. "No – we are managing just fine, thank you anyway Martha."

"Are you sure, child? You look tired my dear."

"No, I am fine. Thank you for your concern."

Martha continued as if Lilly hadn't spoken. "It must be hard for you to carry on working in your condition with young Finn to look after too."

"My parents are helping me which is a blessing."

"Of course but, running a farm, caring for Finn, working and carrying child must be exhausting."

"We are fine."

"Surly there must be something we can do? The pastor is free most afternoons; he could pick young Finn up from school for you..."

Lilly placed her hand on Martha's arm and smiled. "Thank you but we do have things in hand."

"Are you eating well? Would you like me to bake some bread or prepare some of my stew?"

Lilly rubbed her temples, the start of a headache suddenly blooming from nowhere. She knew Martha meant well and was very grateful for her concern and offer of help but she was managing things on her own and happy to do so. However, she also knew that if she didn't allow Martha to help in some way she would never hear the last of it so she took a deep breath.

"Some of your wonderful stew would be most welcome," she capitulated with a sigh.

"Absolutely. I will get to it immediately," Martha patted Lilly's arm. "You had best get yourself home before the rain Lilly," she added as another rumble of thunder echoed round Gowton. "Do not worry yourself preparing supper. I will meet you here, at pick up, with a pot of stew and some of my freshly baked seeded bread."

"Thank you. I am most grateful." Lilly bowed slightly again, climbed aboard the cart and picked up the reigns.

"Travel safely," Martha stood and waved her off and Lilly clicked Clancy on.

"I will," she returned the wave as she pulled out of the schoolyard, happy to be on her way home.

She had much to do today and was actually grateful that preparing tonight's supper was one less thing on her list.

Xxx

Lilly pumped some water into a glass, quickly drank it, refilled it and then made her way into the lounge. She needed a break from sorting Finn's room as the headache that had plagued her all morning was making her feel slightly nauseous now.

Curling up in the corner of the sofa she slowly sipped her water and hoped that it would help as jobs needed finishing.

Although she had all but completed Finn's room, she hadn't achieved half she'd intended to do. Eggs needed collecting, floors scrubbing and windows cleaning but, as the sun's rays suddenly appeared from behind the dark clouds and hit her retinas, she was happy to rest her aching head and close her eyes.

Perhaps if she had a short nap she would feel better.

She let her now empty glass fall on to the floor, wrapped her arms round her stomach, and gave into her headache and exhaustion – the jobs could wait a little while.

Xxx

"Dammit!" Lilly grabbed her coat and dashed out of the house.

She'd woken from what she thought was a short nap to find that suns were low in the sky and, when she'd checked the time, she discovered that she only had half an hour to make it to the school to pick Finn up on time.

Holding her rain hat in place as the wind grew in strength, she ran to the barn, collecting Clancy's tackle on the way.

"Easy, easy," she soothed the horse when she accidently spooked him in her hurry. Then, after clipping the reins onto his mouthpiece, she steered him over to the cart where she hooked him in place before leading both horse and cart into the courtyard and clambering aboard, thankful that she had left the canvas on as the rain was really heavy now.

"On Clancy," she urged. "We are late for our boy."

Lilly was so cross with herself for sleeping so long – she had responsibilities, even more so while Ben was away. What sort of mother was she?

She urged Clancy on faster although the jostling of the cart was doing little to help her headache, which was still there despite her near three hour nap.

Her planned peaceful and fruitful day had not turned out how she thought it would at all and she felt that she had let her boy down.

Xxx

"Whoa boy!" Lilly pulled Clancy to halt outside the school gates, quickly climbed down and tied him to the horse post before rushing into the yard.

"Finn? Finn?" She called as she searched the empty yard for her son; having passed several of her friends on the way to the school, she knew she was very late for pick up. "Finn!" She called again, panicking slightly when there was no sign of him.

What if he'd gone off with someone else?

"Finn, where are you?" She darted round the yard, franticly looking for her boy.

"Lilly, its okay – we have him."

She span round at the sound of Martha's voice and almost collapsed with relief when she saw Finn stood holding her hand by the cart.

"I'm so sorry." She hurried towards them. "I lost complete track of the time," she huffed, slightly out of breath due to not only her eagerness to greet her son but also because of the panic of the whole situation.

"It is no problem, my dear," Martha smiled. "The pastor and I were waiting with your stew and Finn did the sensible thing and waited with us. He is just fine."

Lilly bent down and hugged Finn. "I'm so sorry my Finny," she said and then looked up at Martha. "Thank you so much, Martha – I am in your debt."

"Hush now child," Martha abolished, "it was nothing," she smiled and then turned to Finn. "I told you your mami would not be long didn't I?"

Finn nodded and grabbed his mother's hand as she stood. "I was fine mami," he told her and gave her hand a squeeze.

"I didn't mean to be late, poppet – time just went," Lilly sighed and pulled his hood on as it had started to rain again.

"What is with this weather?" Martha grouched as she then placed her food basket in the back of Lilly's cart. "There is enough stew to last you a couple of days, Lilly," she smiled, "and two loaves of bread made fresh this afternoon."

Lilly helped Finn into the front seat and then turned to the pastor's wife. "Thank you so very much Martha."

"It was my pleasure and please, if you need anything else – anything at all, do not hesitate to ask."

"I will – I promise," Lilly smiled and kissed Martha's cheek. "I am most grateful you were here for Finn."

"He is a fine boy and you should be very proud."

"I am."

Martha returned the kiss and then looked to the sky. "I had best go and find the pastor," she sighed, "this rain seems to be set in for the night. Have a safe journey back, Lilly."

"I will," Lilly nodded and softly groaned when the action caused headache to flair again. She rubbed her temples, swaying slightly as she did.

Martha didn't miss her discomfort. "Child? Are you alright?" She asked, concern lacing her tone.

Lilly took a deep breath and then managed to smile. "I have a slight headache," she admitted. "Nothing that a bowl of your stew and a good night's sleep won't cure."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Martha – I am sure. It is nothing," she placated and then shuddered when fork lightening lit up the dusky late afternoon's sky. "We should be going before things get worse."

"Yes indeed," Martha agreed. "I will see you in the morning—make sure you rest child!" She called as she hurried over to her husband who had drawn their cart up to the school gates.

Lilly waved them off and then clambered aboard, picked up the reigns and, after smiling reassuringly at Finn, clicked Clancy on once more.

She longed to be home, in the dry and curled up in bed.

Xxx

The journey home seemed to be endless.

Every step and slip Clancy made on the boggy path increased Lilly's headache and caused her stomach to roll with nausea.

Finn was oblivious to his mother's discomfort as he was happily engrossed in a book, huddled under ridge of the canvas, sheltering from the rain.

The sun's had all but set now and Lilly was almost relying on her horses sense of direction to find their way home as the pain behind her eyes was agonising and made even worse by the continuing lightening that blazed across the sky. There was no mistaking the fact that she had a migraine now. She'd had plenty before, mainly as a teenager when she studied into the night too much or ate too much wheat and all she wanted to do was lie down in a dark room and sleep.

As the rain continued to fall and the wind howled around her, Lilly hung her head, kept her eyes closed and allowed Clancy to lead the way.

Xxx

Lilly groaned when another wave of nausea washed over her. Knowing she was losing the battle with her growing illness, she quickly pulled Clancy over to the side of the road and blindly stumbled down from the cart.

As she emptied her stomach, she heard Finn calling her name.

"It's okay, it's okay," she managed to reply in between bouts of vomiting and when her stomach finally settled she turned and gave her son a shaky smile. "I'm okay," she reassured with a confidence she was far from feeling considering her excruciating headache and dimming vision.

Grabbing the handrail, she pulled herself into the front seat, rested her head back and closed her eyes, feeling no better at all.

"Mami – what's wrong?" She felt Finn gently stroking her forehead.

"Just give mami a moment, Finn," she sighed, a sigh that turned into a groan when lightening lit up the sky again.

"Mami – please!" Finn sounded frantic as Lilly continued to groan in pain.

"Sorry Finny, I need to lie down," she whimpered and slowly curled up on the seat.

"Mami – please!" Finn was sobbing now. "Don't go to sleep, I don't know what to do."

Lilly covered her eyes with her hands. "Finny – grandpi's house is just round the corner," she mumbled. "Take the reins."

"I can't! I don't know how to do it!"

"Please Finn, take the reins and click Clancy on," Lilly pleaded her head pounding and her stomach rolling. "You can do it, I promise you." She managed to open her eyes slightly and gave him a shaky smile. "Please – it will be okay."

She watched as Finn took a deep breath and picked up the reigns. "On Clancy," he ordered and returned the smile, which was as equally as shaky, and Clancy immediately pulled away.

"Well done," she whispered and allowed her eyes to shut again, feeling confident that Finn would manage the last turn to her parent's home. She had actually had no choice but to put her trust in her son as she could barely see anymore.

Xxx

"Stop Clancy, stop!" Finn pulled on the reins as hard as he could and Clancy obeyed and slowed to a stop. Finn reached and rubbed his mother's arm. "We're here, mami – I did it!"

"Good boy," Lilly mumbled and tried to push herself up but gave up with a groan when pain flared behind her eyes again. "You need to fetch grandpi," she moaned and covered her eyes with her coat.

Finn quickly clambered down, loosely tied Clancy to the rail and sprinted into the house. "Grandpi? Grandmi?" He called as he ran down the hallway.

"Finn?" Hanah poked her head round the kitchen door at the sound of his frantic call.

"Grandmi – mami's poorly," Finn quickly grabbed her hand. "She's real sick," he told her as he pulled her down the hall.

Hanah grabbed her coat and called for Sergi. "What's going on?" He asked as he appeared from the lounge.

"Lilly's sick," Hanah informed him, struggling into her coat. "Where is she Finn?" She turned to Finn again and asked.

"In the c-cart," Finn stuttered, tears flowing down his cheek. "I- I had t-to d-drive Clancy – s-she w-was s-sick," he hiccupped, still pulling on his grandmothers sleeve.

"Well done Finny," Sergi praised and grabbed his coat. "You did a good job."

"Come on," Finn urged again, opening the door and then running towards the cart again with Hanah following quickly behind him.

"Lilly!"She exclaimed when she found Lilly curled up on the front seat. She quickly climbed aboard and sat at her side. "What's wrong? Is it the baby?" She started to undo Lilly's coat to examine her stomach but Lilly groaned and slowly shook her head.

"Headache," she mumbled.

Hanah reached and stroked her hair. "Migraine?" She asked, keeping her voice low knowing that if Lilly had a migraine any loud noise made things worse.

"Uh huh," Lilly confirmed softly.

"Have you been sick?"

"Uh huh."

"Okay, my love – let's get you inside," Hanah sighed and then turned to Sergi who was waiting nervously, holding on to Clancy who was spooked by the lightening. "She has a migraine," she smiled sadly. "Help me get her into the house."

Sergi quickly secured the horse and ran to the other side of the cart. "Come on Lilliput," he smiled and held his hands out. "Let's get you out of the rain and into bed," he urged and between them, Sergi and Hanah managed to ease their daughter out of the cart and steered her in doors where they sat her on the stairs.

Lilly rested her head on the wall and groaned as Hanah started to remove her soaked coat. "It's okay," Hanah soothed and then turned to Sergi. "Could you go to Cara's?" She asked. "Ask her if there is any medication we can give her seeing as she is with child."

"Of course my love," Sergi nodded.

When Lilly groaned again, Finn grabbed his grandfather's hand. "Is she going to be better soon?" He asked, his eyes brimming with tears.

Sergi went down on one knee and brushed the dripping bangs out of his grandson's eyes. "She is going to be just fine," he reassured with a smile. "When she was young she had lots of headaches like these. She just needs some sleep and will be just fine. Isn't that right grandmi?" He turned to Hanah for confirmation and she nodded and smiled.

"Yes she will. She needs to rest, that's all. Why don't you go with grandpi to Auntie Cara's while I get your mami into bed so she can sleep?"

"O-okay," Finn stuttered.

"Do you need help?" Sergi asked, taking a step forward when Hanah gently levered Lilly to her feet.

"No. We have this don't we, Lil's?" Hanah smiled.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course," Hanah nodded, took Lilly's weight and started to slowly guide her up the stairs.

Sergi watched them for a while, making sure that Lilly wasn't going to collapse before taking Finn's hand. "Come on young man. Let's go and see Auntie Cara – you can drive Clancy," he grinned.

Finn's head snapped up and he returned the grin. "Really?"

"Yes – why not?" Sergi ruffled his hair, "you were big enough to get mami here safely so I am sure you can steer our way to Auntie Cara's."

"Cool!"

Sergi glanced up the stairs and smiled at his wife as she opened the door to Lilly's room. "We won't be long Hanah," he called as he buttoned up his coat.

"Okay," Hanah smiled back. "Take care."

Sergi waited for the closing of the door and then picked Finn up and jiggled him up and down. "Let's go my boy," he chuckled and was pleased to hear the young boy giggle in response.

He knew that Finn must have been so scared when his mother fell ill and hoped to make the journey to Wenton farm as fun as possible. Hanah had Lilly in hand – she was used to her daughter's migraines and he figured that Finn deserved a treat so, when they were aboard he handed the reins over.

"Hold them tight and click him on," he grinned.

"On Clancy..."

Grandfather and grandson were then soon on their way.

Xxx

"Don't go to sleep yet," Hanah tutted as Lilly immediately curled into a ball and buried her head in her pillows. "We need you out of these damp clothes before you catch a chill."

Moving to the side of the bed, she pulled Lilly's shoes off and tossed them in the corner of the room. "You have to sit up my love," she signed and stroked Lilly's hair. "And you need to help me for a minute and then I'll tuck you in and let you sleep."

Lilly whimpered in reply but managed to push up so her back rested against the head of the bed and Hanah quickly removed her stockings and skirt before starting to unbutton her blouse.

"You haven't had a migraine for years," she sighed as she pulled a limp arm out of the damp clothing.

"I know," Lilly whispered, her eyes tightly closed and head resting back on the headboard.

"This reminds me of when you took your finals." Hanah kept the conversation light and her voice soothing. "I had to put you to bed when you staggered home from Quinny's remember?" She gently pulled Lilly forward slightly and removed the rest of the blouse. "You hardly moved from your bed for days it was so bad." She shook her head at the memory of the monster migraine that had knocked her daughter off her feet for nearly a week and hoped that this one would not be as bad.

When Lilly groaned again, Hanah reached and stroked her forehead. "I'm just going to get you a nightgown – don't go to sleep my love."

"Kay," Lilly's mumble turned into a whimper as she started to stroke her stomach.

Hanah placed her hand on Lilly's bump too and watched her with concern. "Is the baby alright, Lilly?" She asked urgently, not liking how Lilly continued to whimper and moan. Her heart stopped for a moment when she fleetingly thought that she was in labour but when Lilly licked her lips and managed to tell her she was going to be sick, she actually sighed in relief before rushing into the bathroom to fetch a bowl.

"Easy, easy," she then soothed as Lilly vomited into the bowl she'd returned with just in time. "It's going to be okay," she promised, gently stroking her back and, when Lilly finally flopped back, obviously exhausted, she made quick work of fetching her a nightgown, helping her into it and tucking her up in bed.

After emptying the bucket and swilling it clean, Hanah returned to her daughters side, dipped a cloth in the tepid water she'd filled the bowl with and proceeded to mop Lilly's brow. "Try and relax, Lilly," she urged gently and then sat in silence, knowing that was what Lilly needed right now.

xxx

**EARTH **

It was a glorious spring day on Earth – daffodils and bluebells carpeted the ground, and nesting birds filled the trees.

Ben had almost forgotten how beautiful his planet of birth truly was.

The last two weeks had been as stunning the weather. The brothers had spent the time re visiting childhood haunts from the old crumbling cinema in the suburbs to the now expanded zoo in central Colorado Springs. Conner had been well enough to cope with most things, which had made things even more pleasurable. Of course, he had been very tired but the general had commissioned a private car from them that ferried them from one memory to another. At least he hadn't had to deal with public transport – to him, they'd been travelling in style!

Today was the most important day. Today they'd travelled to Wheat Ridge to visit the Mt Olivet Cemetery – the final resting place of their parents.

Thomas and Esther Ashton were laid to rest under the protective arms of a weeping willow in a quiet corner of the cemetery.

Memories of the cold rainy day washed over Ben as he stood in front of the wind battered listing gravestone. He remembered being soaked to the skin, stood on his own, clutching a single rose. He was sure that there were others there but his memory of that day was that of being alone, very alone.

Bending down, he placed his rose under the gravestone once more. "Why didn't you come, Conner?" He glanced up at his brother as he then started to pull up the weeds that covered most of the grave. "I was all alone, trying to deal with everything. Where we you when I needed you?"

Conner stared at him for a moment before shrugging and walking away.

Walking away...just as he'd done 15 years ago.

Ben slowly finished his task, trying his hardest to control the anger he felt towards his brother. As he worked, he continually glanced at the forlorn figure who now sat on a bench looking towards the mountains.

Ever since Conner got in touch with him, Ben knew that they'd have to have this conversation. He had to know why his brother abandoned him when he needed him the most, why he turned his back on his family and never came back.

It was time to get some answers.

When he was satisfied that everything was neat and tidy, he wiped his hands on his pants and walked over to join his brother.

They sat in silence for a while, just watching the eagles sour in the sky above them until Conner leant forward, plucked a handful of daisy's and started shredding them. "I just couldn't face it," his whispered confession was so soft that Ben would barely hear it. "Everything was too much."

Ben sighed in frustration and sat back. "Oh, I see," he shrugged, "It was all too much for you, I get it now." The laugh that followed his statement was hollow to say the least. "I am sorry it was all too much for you Conner, I truly am but have you ever thought about how I felt?"

"Ben, I was only 17. I was scared..."

"You were scared? Didn't you ever consider the fact that I was scared too?"

"Oh, not you Benny," Conner turned his head to face his brother. "You were never scared. You just took the reins and dealt with everything, like you always did."

"And that was wrong?"

"No, no – of course not, you were the eldest, the sensible one – the one everyone turned to, the one in control."

"So – you're saying that you were out of control?"

"No – yes, kind of," Conner shrugged and bent his head. "Have you ever felt like a deer caught in the headlights?" He mumbled.

"Yes, many times. Actually – the first time was just after our parents were killed in a car accident and the second time was when I stood, on my own at their graveside as they were buried, Conner. I know that feeling very well indeed!"

"I'm not like you Ben. I don't cope like you do..."

"Bull shit! Look how you've coped with your cancer."

"Oh, I ran from my cancer too," Conner, laughed bitterly. "Don't you doubt that for one minute. Alcohol and easy women shielded me from the horror of my lady cancer for many years," he admitted and then sat back and continued to shred the flowers. Eventually he turned to his brother again and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry. I should never have left you to deal with everything."

"No you shouldn't have. "

"It was the easiest thing for me to do. I already had the offer of the posting in England and, at the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. My head was in a bad place, we'd have only fought, Benny."

"So you ran instead."

"I was so much in dept – gambling had been my way of dealing as a teenager. There was no way I was gonna tell Mom and Dad so their passing seemed like a good get out clause for me..."

"That is unbelievably callous, Conner!" Ben spat, flinging his hands in the air in anger.

"It's the truth, Ben," Conner shrugged. "I saw it as a chance to start again, a chance to change my life, to stop being the looser and make something of my life."

"By leaving me behind?"

"Oh, Ben," Conner laughed. "You didn't need me; you were doing just fine on your own, my brother."

"Oh, I was, was I?"

"You had your whole career planned out; you knew exactly where you were going. You were the confident one, the one in control. You didn't need a fucked up younger brother."

"Yes I did."

"No you didn't. You could cope on your own and I needed to learn to stand on my own two feet and do the same."

"So you ran away - that was your way of standing on your own two feet?"

"Yup and it worked. I got my head down, studied hard in England – learnt a trade and made a life for myself."

"By leaving me behind?"

"Yeah."

"Did you ever consider that I didn't want to be left behind, that I didn't look for you?"

"Oh, I knew you were looking for me I just ignored you – I didn't want to be found," Conner shrugged. "I was coping just fine on my own."

Ben just stared at his brother, not sure how to react, what to say. "I-I don't understand?"

"It's quite simple Benny. I didn't want to be the little boy always being bailed out by his big brother."

"But – I..."

"I wanted to be in control – I didn't want you to control me."

"But, I d-didn't"

"Yes you did. You did without not really knowing you did. If I fucked up it was you who always fought my corner with Dad..."

"And that was wrong? Isn't that what older brothers do?"

"You were suffocating me Ben! I needed to make my own mistakes so I could learn from them but you were always there – sorting everything out for me like I wasn't capable of doing so myself."

"I did what I thought was best."

"Well, you were wrong! After Mom and Dad died, you went into 'big brother' mode, you ignored me, you controlled everything just like you always did! You had no thought for me; you didn't even consider my wishes."

"I did – I know I did."

"No. You didn't," Conner pushed up off the bench. "I wanted to lay them to rest with Grandpa and Grandma – that's what mom wanted."

Ben frowned, shaking his head, trying to access memories from years ago. "You didn't say anything."

"Yes I did! Yes I did but you were so caught up with _your _arrangements – you didn't listen to what _I _wanted!"

"They wanted to be buried here, I know they did. Dad spoke of this spot many times."

"What about mom – did you ever consider mom's wishes?"

"I—I—".

"No you didn't! You just ploughed on relentlessly. You didn't listen to me Ben! You just patted me on my head and told me to run along, like you always did."

"I..."

Conner bowed his head and took a deep breath, suddenly feeling totally wiped out by the argument. "I can't do this now – I just can't. I don't have the strength," he sighed, rubbing his temples. "I'm going back to the car." He turned and walked away.

"Con, wait," Ben sprang to his feet.

"I want to be on my own," Conner called over his shoulder as he walked down the path leading to the exit.

"Don't be silly," Ben called back as he started to hurry after him.

"Please Ben – leave me alone. I don't need you, I never have!"

Ben stood; slack jawed and watched his brother leave – again.

Right, he'd give him his space, if that was what he wanted. He could have all the space he damn well wanted!

Oh yes, the great Conner Ashton, didn't need anyone – he was doing just fine on his own, that was for sure!

So why the hell had he come back home then?


	7. Chapter 7

**MANDANA **

Cara gently knocked on the bedroom door and poked her head round. "Hey ma," she whispered. "How is she doing?"

She had been dressing the twins ready for bed when her father and Finn had arrived to tell her about Lilly and had insisted that she came and examined her sister for herself so had loaded the girls into the cart and had left a note for Niall explaining where they were going.

"What are you doing here?" Hanah pushed out of the chair and crossed to the door. "I thought I told your father to ask for your advice," she sighed. "I didn't expect you to drop everything, my dear."

"Well – the girls were restless and I thought a change of scenery would do them good," Cara shrugged. "Plus, Lilly is under my care at the moment and I want to check things are okay with the baby. Pa says she has a migraine?" She peered over her mother's shoulder and watched Lilly as she groaned and turned onto her side. "How bad is it?"

Hanah sighed as she also watched her eldest daughter. "She has vomited a couple of times and just cannot rest. Normally she would take some herbs and sleep but I was not sure that it would be wise for her to take them while she is with child."

Cara rubbed her mother's arm and smiled. "It is probably not best to give her anything if possible," she confirmed. "She will have to ride it out I'm afraid, but I do need to check that everything is alright with the baby and that her blood pressure is not causing the headache first."

Hanah turned and frowned. "You don't think it is do you? I mean, she is under a lot of pressure with Ben being away and you know it is not unusual for your sister to have a migraine." Hanah knew very well that high blood pressure was very dangerous for a pregnant woman, that it could be life threatening and was annoyed with herself that she hadn't thought of it herself and either asked Cara to come straight over or taken Lilly to hospital in the first place. She was very glad that her youngest daughter had the forethought and expertise to realise high blood pressure may be a cause and had actually insisted on coming herself.

Cara smiled reassuringly though. "I am sure it is because of all her stress but we do need to check things out, ma."

"Thank you for coming, my love," Hanah took her daughters hand and gave it a squeeze.

"It's my job," Cara shrugged and kissed her mother's cheek. "Right," she said and grabbed her bag off the floor. "I think pa could do with a hand with the girls and I'd best take a look at my sister."

"Yes, yes of course," Hanah agreed. "I will go and save your father," she nodded and tiptoed out of the room, giving Cara a reassuring pat on the shoulder on her way out.

Cara crossed the room, sat on the edge of the bed and gently stoked Lilly's forehead. She gave her sister a warm smile when she managed to open her eyes slightly. "Hey there, how are you feeling?" She asked.

Lilly groaned and quickly closed her eyes again. "Headache," she mumbled softly in reply.

"Anything else hurt?" Cara asked as she reached and placed her bag on the bed.

"No – just my head."

Lilly's voice was so quiet that Cara needed to bend down to hear her. "Okay. I'm just going to give you a check up anyway," she smiled as she continued to stroke her sister's forehead. "Make sure it's nothing more than one of your migraines."

"'kay," Lilly sighed, covering her eyes with her hand as the pain pulsating behind them increased again.

Cara reached into her bag and removed her blood pressure monitor. "We'll take your pressure first," she told Lilly as she fastened the cuff round the top off her arm. "Then I'm going to listen to the baby." She quickly untangled the tubing and started to pump the bulb.

"Why are you here?"

Cara almost missed Lilly's whispered question and leaned in closer. "Sorry – what did you say Lils?"

Lilly licked her lips and rubbed her forehead, trying to diminish both her headache and her nausea before answering. "You should be with your girls, Car."

"Yes - well, Pa told me you were ill and, as your physician, it is my duty to come and care for you, big sis!" Cara chuckled, keeping the conversation light in an attempt to placate Lilly as she knew that once her sister felt better she would not be happy that she came out on such a stormy evening just to check on her.

And, when Lilly mumbled a simple 'thank you' she knew that she had made the right call.

Cara sat in silence as she waited for the cuff to deflate and then sighed in relief at the normal reading. "That's fine Lil," she reassured as she removed the monitor and placed it back into her bag. She then took out her portable sonic aid and a tube of gel.

"I know this is going to hurt, Lils but I need you to turn onto your back so I can listen to baby." She rubbed Lilly's arm in sympathy, knowing that any slight movement would be agony for her at the moment.

"'kay," Lilly sighed and turned onto her back with a groan and then placed an arm over her eyes.

"I won't be long, I promise." Cara pulled the quilt down slightly and then lifted Lilly's nightgown so she had better access to her stomach. She squeezed a blob of gel onto her bump, worked the end of her sonic aid over it in search of the babies' heartbeat and smiled when the baby kicked and cause it to slip. "Well – baby is active enough," she reassured Lilly before continuing her examination and when the steady, strong heart beat echoed round the room she was satisfied that all was well with mother and child, apart from what was obviously as horrible, stress related migraine.

"Okay—all is well," she stated in relief, grabbed a cloth and wiped the remnants of the gel off Lilly's stomach before pulling her nightgown down again.

She replaced her equipment in her bag and then sat and watched as Lilly turned on her side again and, with her eyes still tightly closed, fumbled for the quilt. Cara quickly grabbed the corner and pulled it over her sister's shoulders. "Ma said that you normally take herbs for your migraines but I'm not sure that is a good idea at this stage of the pregnancy. Do you want some Earth painkillers instead?"

Lilly inched down slightly and buried her head under the duvet. "No medicine – just sleep," she mumbled softly.

"Are you sure?" Cara pulled the covers down a little to make sure her sister could actually breathe.

"Sleep," Lilly confirmed. "Thanks," she reached out a shaking hand and patted her sister's hand before curling in a tight ball. "Go and see to your girls. I will be fine," she managed to say before snuggling further into her duvet.

Cara sighed and then rubbed her sister's blanket covered back. "Okay. Call if you need anything. I'll go and save your boy from my girls."

"Uh huh."

The fact that Lilly hadn't commented about the fact that she had left Finn with her girls let Cara know just how ill she was feeling so she extinguished the lamp and left her to sleep.

"I'll leave the door opened slightly if you need us," she whispered from the doorway and waited for an answer but was met with silence so assumed that Lilly was finally getting the rest she needed.

Leaving the door a jar slightly, she crept downstairs in search of her babies.

Xxx

**STARGATE CONTROL**

"Ben?"

Carolyn glanced up from her stitching when Ben stormed through the infirmary. "Is everything okay?" She asked, snapping off her gloves and pushing her equipment to one side.

"Ask my brother," Ben spat over his shoulder as he opened the door. "He's the one with all the answers," he added, throwing his hands in the air as he marched out.

"Dawn?" Carolyn called one of her nurses over. "Could you finish up here – I think I need to go and have a talk with young Conner Ashton." She flashed her patient a quick smile before making way for Dawn to complete her job.

"I won't be long," she added and grabbed her medical bag, knowing that if Conner was as half as upset as his brother then he would be in a bad way.

"Of course," Dawn nodded and Carolyn slung her stethoscope round her neck and went in search of her patient.

Xxx

**MANDANA**

Hanah looked up from her supper preparation as Cara entered the kitchen. "How is she?" She asked, wiped her hands on her apron and then reached for her teapot.

"She has a migraine," Cara informed as she crossed to the sink and started to wash her hands.

"So it's nothing to do with the baby?"

"No," Cara grabbed the soap. "Her blood pressure is fine, baby's heartbeat strong and the young one is very active," she turned and smiled.

"Thank goodness," Hanah sighed in relief and then poured hot water into the pot. "Was there anything you could give her to help with the pain?" She asked as she stirred the tea.

Cara dried her hands and leant against the stove. "She didn't want anything and is sleeping now so, hopefully she will feel better in the morning."

"Good," Hanah smiled and picked up the tea tray. "We will let her rest then," she nodded as she started to make her way out of the kitchen. "Let's go and have tea with the boys," she called over her shoulder. "Niall is just finishing off Sophie's bottle and Finn is just bursting to tell you how he fed Rachael."

"He fed Rachael?" Cara grinned and pushed away from the stove.

"He did," Hanah returned the grin as she went to open the door with her hip, as her hands were full.

Cara reached and held the door open for her mother. "And Niall is here?" She frowned.

She had left her husband finishing the ploughing in their top field and had left instructions to start cooking the evening meal. She was surprised that he had followed her.

"He arrived not long after you," Hanah shrugged.

"But I asked him to prepare supper!"

"He said that but, also something about forgetting to dig some potatoes as you asked." Hanah smiled and quickly ducked under her daughters arm.

"I only asked him to do one thing!" Cara grouched as she followed her mother down the hallway.

"It is a good job that Finn told us about the stew Martha Hasnded prepared for them. There is more than enough for everyone with spare for Lilly when she is feeling better. I have it warming through in the stove as we speak."

Cara tutted and shook her head. "Trust my husband..."

"Don't be cross Cara – it will be nice to have supper together and it means I get to spend more time with my granddaughters." Hanah beamed. "Now, come and open this door for me – the tea is getting cold."

Xxx

**STARGATE CONTROL**

"Easy, Easy."

Carolyn had been right. She'd found Conner, sat on the side of his bed and struggling for breath because he was so upset. She quickly grabbed the oxygen mask that hung at the side of the bed, unravelled the tubing and placed the mask over his mouth.

"Deep even breaths, Conner," she soothed. "Take your time, calm down." She sat at his side, encouraging him to slow his breathing until he was capable of taking a controlled breath.

"That's better – good job," she smiled. "Right, let's get you into bed." She gently swung his legs round so he lay on the bed and removed his shoes, all the time visually assessing his condition.

When Conner slowly began to relax, she popped a pulse ox on his index finger and waited for confirmation that he was getting enough oxygen and when she was happy, she swapped his mask for a nasal cannular.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked as she then picked up his wrist and started to take his pulse.

Conner rested his head back on his pillows, closed his eyes and slowly shook his head in response.

"It might help," Carolyn persevered. "I've just seen Ben and he looks as upset as you are." She reached over, grabbed Conner's chart, added in her findings and then turned to pour him a glass of water. "Obviously something has happened to get you both so worked up," she sighed and passed him the water.

"It was just stupid," Conner shrugged and took a sip. "It was just a stupid disagreement that got out of hand, nothing more."

Carolyn took his hand. "Well – that stupid disagreement has got you all worked up," she smiled softly. "Your pulse is racing and I think we can say that you've just had a panic attack."

Conner closed his eyes again. "I don't want to talk about it," he sighed. "I'm really tired. I just want to sleep."

"Are you sure you're alright?" Carolyn could feel the still racing pulse under her fingers and watched as Conner bought his hand up to rub at his temples.

"You tell me – you're my doctor." Conner's tone was flat as he shrugged again.

"As your Doctor, I feel that you should talk to someone, preferably your brother but failing that – your doctor who is always here to lend an ear if need's be," she smiled.

"No offence, Carolyn," Conner sighed, "but I'd rather be on my own."

Carolyn echoed the sigh before reaching for her bag. "I'm just going to give you a mild sedative," she stated, pulling out a pre-filled syringe. "It will take the edge off and help you rest."

"'Kay," Conner mumbled and inched down in bed.

Carolyn quickly injected the contents of the syringe into his arm and then pulled his covers over him. "Just try and sleep," she soothed. "Things will look much better in the morning," she promised and sat as his side until the sedative quickly started to work.

Things in the brother's world were obviously not good and it was up to their friends now to make sure neither of them let the situation get out of hand.

She needed to speak to Daniel.

Xxx

Ben slammed the door behind him and started to pace round his room.

Oh my God! He'd got it all wrong. It was his fault – all his fault. Conner had left because of him!

He'd pushed his own brother away!

Oh God.

All this time he'd thought he'd been helping him, that he'd been the perfect 'big brother'!

He'd got it all wrong.

Stupid, stupid, stupid...

What was he doing here? He shouldn't be here. Why had Conner wanted him here? Was this his way of making the peace letting him know that he'd didn't need him – he'd never needed him and that he'd made his life a misery? Was that what he wanted to do before he died?

Was that the reason he'd been forced to leave Lilly and Finn behind?

God - his family, he missed them so much. He should go home, back where he was wanted and needed.

But, would that mean he was giving up on his brother? Would that just be the easy way out?

Wouldn't that mean that he was running away just as Conner had?

No. No, he needed to stay, he needed to sort this out, he owed that much to his parents.

To run away would be too easy, he needed to fight for his brother, to regain his trust and right what obviously was a wrong – well in Conner's eyes anyway.

He had to stay and try.

Lilly would understand but would Finn?

How was he going to tell Finn that he was staying, staying until he sorted everything out, staying until the bitter end – no matter how long it took.

Xxx

M**ANDANA **

"Right. Let's roll these sleeves up a little bit."

Sergi reached for one of the sleeves of the shirt he'd leant Finn to sleep in. "I know it's too big," he smiled, "but it will keep you nice and warm."

They kept plenty of spare clothing for their grandson for when he stayed over but Finn was insisting on wearing a nightshirt 'just like grandpi's.'

"We had fun tonight, didn't we?" Sergi grinned as he rolled the next sleeve up. They had all enjoyed a lovely evening, playing silly games and singing songs round the open fire in the lounge. Niall had mercilessly teased his nephew and Finn had spent most of the time in hysterics

"Uncle Niall was very silly," Finn nodded. "Is he still here? Is everyone staying here tonight too?"

"Not tonight," Sergi pulled the Finn's duvet down slightly and patted the bed. "They left while you had your bath. They did shout goodbye. Hop in Finn."

"I didn't hear them," Finn grouched as he climbed into bed. "You should 'av told them to come and see me and kiss me goodnight properly," he sighed as he flopped down.

Sergi pulled the covers up to his grandson's chin. "I don't think we all realised how late it was and Auntie Cara was keen to get the girls home. Uncle Niall told me to tell you that he promises to read you a story next time."

Finn yawned and knuckled his eyes. "He can read the one about the King and his clothes," he stated and snuggled into his covers.

"And, I am sure he will." Sergi brushed Finn's bangs off his forehead and then slowly traced the outline of his face, noting the dark circles under his eyes that had no business to be on the face of a six year old. "You're tired, Finny," he sighed. "You should have gone to bed hours ago."

"I would have missed all the fun, grandpi," Finn sighed. "I always miss all the fun now."

Sergi frowned and ran his fingers through Finn's fine, blonde hair. "Why do you miss all the fun my love?" He asked, slightly puzzled by his grandson's statement.

"Because papi has gone," Finn shrugged. "We don't have fun anymore now he's gone."

"Oh Finn, I'm sure you do..."

Finn shook his head. "No we don't grandpi – mami cries all the time and I don't know how to make her happy."

"Oh Finn, you're wrong..."

"Only papi makes her happy and she don't think he's coming home." Finn eyes filled with tears. "She misses him so much. Why did he go away, grandpi?" He asked, his bottom lip quivering and Sergi knew he was desperately trying to fight his emotions.

He was almost at a loss to know what to tell the devastated boy as he hadn't actually realised his daughter felt like this. Lilly always seem bubbly and upbeat about the whole situation, people marvelled at how well she was managing everything and how positive she was being.

"I don't want mami to cry every night." Finn continued and two tears slowly trickled down his face. "She is so sad grandpi," he sobbed and Sergi reached down and took him into his arms.

"Oh, don't cry poppet," he soothed as he gently rocked. "Papi will be home soon – you'll see."

"I try to be b-brave and g-grown up," Finn continued to cry on his grandfathers shoulder, his words stuttering as he hiccupped.

"I know you do, I know you do."

"But, mami is so sad and now she is sick and I j-just d-don't know w-what to do a-anymore."

Sergi felt tears sting his own eyes at Finn's admission, the boy seemed so lost. "You just carry on doing what you are doing," he continued to sooth, "mami loves you so much and we are all so proud of you."

"But, h-how do I make it all b-better? H-how can I s-stop mami c-crying a-at n-night?"

"I don't know sweetheart but I know that your papi will be home as soon as he can and is just as sad as you are."

"I miss him so much, grandpi."

Finns sobs were heartbreaking but Sergi knew there was little he could do or say to make things better, only the return of his father would do that. "Shh, shh," he kissed the top of Finn's head as he continued to cry in his arms. "Don't cry Finny, it will all be alright I promise."

"I want m-mami," Finn sniffed. "I didn't s-say goodnight and s-she m-might be crying"

Sergi stroked Finn's back. "Hush, hush – I'll go and see if she is awake, okay?"

"'Kay."Finn sobbed.

"Come on now Finny – you need to dry your eyes my boy. You can't go and see her when you are upset because that will make her even more sad won't it?"

"Uh huh," Finn hiccupped as he started to slowly bring his emotions under control.

"Good boy, good boy," Sergi praised softly and continued to rock him.

Eventually Finn pushed out of his embrace. "Can you see if mami is awake now?" He asked and then wiped his nose with his sleeve.

"Yuck Finny," Sergi tutted, shook his head, reached for his handkerchief and wiped Finn's tears off his face. "Blow," he then told his grandson and Finn blew his nose as he was asked. "Right." Sergi tucked his now dirty handkerchief back up his sleeve. "I will go and see your mami. I won't be a minute," he reached and nipped Finn's nose.

"'Kay," Finn sighed, lay back down again and started sucking his thumb.

Sergi hadn't seen his grandson suck his thumb for a long time so realised how upset he really was feeling. "Don't go to sleep, Finny," he sighed.

"I won't," Finn mumbled round his thumb and Sergi reached and ran his fingers through the young boy's hair one more time and then gave him a reassuring smile before leaving the room.

His daughter and grandson were obviously not handling the situation as well as everyone thought they were.


	8. Chapter 8

**STARGATE COMMAND**

Daniel stood in the doorway of Ben's VIP room and watched his friend as he chewed the top of his pen before scrunching up the piece of paper he'd been writing on and throwing it to add to the dozens that littered the bed.

He cleared his throat and knocked the door softly. "Hey," he smiled when Ben looked up after jumping slightly. "Sorry to startle you," he quickly apologised.

"It's okay," Ben shrugged. "I was miles away," he admitted, gathering all the balls of paper together into one pile.

"Can I help in anyway?" Daniel leant against the doorframe and placed his hands in his pockets, trying to appear as casual as possible so not to let on that he was growing worried about his friend. Carolyn had pulled to him to one side after his post mission medical to fill him in on developments and voice her concerns about his mood. She hoped that a little chat with a good friend would help and Daniel was more than happy to lead an ear and strong shoulder if Ben needed one. "You seem a little..."He continued with a twirl of his hand.

"Manic?"

"I was thinking, preoccupied."

"Okay," Ben scooted back so he rested against the head of the bed and crossed his arms. "You're the linguist Daniel – tell me. How do I find the words to let my little boy know how much I miss him?"

"Ah." Daniel pushed away from the doorframe. "You don't need my words, you need yours," he smiled as she sat on the edge of the bed. "You just have to allow yourself to say it, to put pen to paper and explain how you're feeling."

"Well, that's the problem." Ben reached for a piece of rumpled paper and unravelled it. "When I try to put my thought's to paper it just comes across of kinda desperate and not how I want it to be. See."

He handed over the piece of paper and Daniel scanned the disjointed words and phrases. "So – what do you really want to say?" He shrugged, turning the paper over to check if it had been written on both times before scrunching it into a ball again and tossing it in the trash.

Ben rested his head back, closed his eyes and took a deep breath before replying. "I want to tell him how much I love him and his mother, how much I desperately missed them and how I wished I'd never left them – how much I regret coming back to Earth."

"Why do you regret coming back, Ben?" Daniel probed softy, knowing all about the brother's argument.

Ben kept his eyes close as he continued. "Because the man lying in the infirmary is a stranger to me. Because he should never have got in touch with me, he's never needed me before – why the hell should he need me now?"

"Because he's dying, Ben," Daniel sighed as he lay on the foot of the bed and propped his head up with his hand.

"I didn't know him when he was living, why should I want to know him when he's dying?"

"That's a little harsh, don't you think?"

"Harsh?" Ben opened his eyes and glared at Daniel. "Harsh? – Harsh is expecting me to leave all the people I truly love behind. People who are my real family and love and need me."

"Conner needs you."

"Like hell he does!"

"Ben, you're being unreasonable..."

Ben threw his hands in the air. "I just don't know how to respond to him! He's closed off to me. One minute he's gushing about how 'great' it is to meet up again and the next he's telling me how he coped without me and how he's never needed me! I just don't know what to say to him anymore..."

"He's scared..."

"Hell! I know he is – doesn't he know I am too!"

"Probably not. Have you told him?" Daniel kept his voice soft, hoping to placate his friend who was getting more and more upset.

"How do I tell him I'm scared? How do I tell my dying brother that I'm scared when he's petrified himself but won't admit it?"

"The same way you tell a little boy how much you love and miss him – you open up your heart and do both honestly."

Ben leant his head back and closed his eyes again. "God. It's all such a mess." he sighed.

"I'm not going to argue with you on that one, Benny."

Ben was silent for a while before letting out a long breath. "It just hurts so much to miss Lilly and Finn and it's going to hurt just as much to miss Conner," he admitted sadly.

"So tell them – be honest with them, open yourself up to your emotions. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Take it from an expert."

Ben chuckled and opened his eyes. "Has anyone told you that you're a genius Daniel?"

"Of course, many times," Daniel grinned. "And, don't forget – the last time you took my advice you made the best decision of your life."

Ben nodded his head slowly. "I sure did," he agreed. "And I have never, ever – not for one minute regretted leaving Earth for Mandana."

"There you go. Have I ever steered you wrong, Platon Ashton?"

Ben laughed as Daniel addressed him by his professional title – it was strange to hear, here on Earth. "No you haven't, Doctor Jackson," he agreed and then picked up his scrunched up notes and, one by one, tossed them in the trash before swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm starving," he grinned.

"Well, it's about time," Daniel pushed up and sat by his friend. "O'Malley's?" He returned the grin with a waggle of his eyebrows.

"Steak?"

"Hell, yeah!"

Ben patted his Daniel's knee. "Thanks for the pep talk."

"Anytime."

"Perhaps you could help me with my words after supper?"

"Absolutely – but, they need to be your words."

"Absolutely."

"Good, come on. I'm starving."

Daniel sprang off the bed, turned and grabbed Ben's arm and dragged him up. "We'll think better on a full stomach."

Ben chuckled and followed his friend out of the room, feeling happier and more confident about what to do next.

Xxx

**MANDANA**

Lilly could hear her boy crying.

She desperately wanted to go to him, to hold him and assure him that everything was going to be all right but she felt so awful. The sound of her father's soothing voice as he comforted Finn, reassured her that her son was in good hands though so she tried to block out the sound and relax.

If only she could sleep. She'd spent hours just tossing and turning, trying desperately to escape the pain and nausea, longing for her usual dose of the herbs which she knew would help her sleep and recover but she didn't want to risk taking them. She had been so sick while she carried Finn and dared not take anything that may jeopardise this pregnancy as she'd been so well.

The voices and laughter of her family had filtered up from the living room all evening, making her feel abandoned and forgotten. Of course, Cara had checked on her a couple of times but she'd pretended to be asleep. She didn't have the strength to talk or even nod her head and just wanted peace and quiet.

Her family's presence in the house should have been comforting but it hadn't – the fact that they were obviously enjoying themselves whilst she suffered upset her and she had pulled her pillow over her ears several times to block out the sound of their revelry. When, finally the sound of hoofs on cobbles sounded from outside she had sighed in relief, at least Cara and Niall had left, perhaps she would now find peace but Finn's distress had put paid to that as, instead of sleeping she was becoming increasingly worried about him.

"Lilly. Are you sleeping?"

Her father's whisper came from the doorway.

Although she didn't want to reply and just wanted to sleep, she knew it would be impossible until she had checked that Finn was really okay. "Come in, pa," she replied, shielding her eyes from the shaft of light than shone through the slight opening of the door.

Lilly knew that she should sit up a greet him but couldn't summon the strength so just lay on her side and waited for him to come to her.

"I didn't wake you did I?"Sergi knelt at the side of the bed and reached to stroke her forehead.

His comforting touch brought tears to Lilly's tired eyes. "No, I just can't sleep, pa," she admitted with a sigh. "My head hurts too much."

"I'm so sorry, my love."

She felt her mattress dip as her father sat at her side. "Can I do anything for you?"

"I just want to sleep." Lilly knew she sounded desperate but she just couldn't help it.

"Why don't you take some medicine? It will help..."

"No! I don't want to. I can't... I don't want to harm the baby."

"Did Cara say that will happen?"

"No, but I can't risk it, pa. I just can't." The tears she was so desperately trying to keep back trickled down her cheeks and she felt her father dab them away with his handkerchief.

"Shh now Lilly Lou, don't upset yourself you'll only feel worse if you do," Sergi sighed. "I don't know, young Mrs Ashton," he then started to tease with a smile on his face, "what is it with you and your boy hey? This handkerchief is soaked with both of your tears tonight."

"Is Finn alright?"

"He is fine. Just a little upset that he didn't get to say goodnight to you, that's all." Sergi bent the truth slightly as his daughter was not fit enough to deal with Finn's devastation about the present situation. They would talk about that in the morning.

"Oh," Lilly sighed.

"Do you feel up to giving him a hug before he goes to sleep, my love?"

As much as Lilly wanted to go to her boy, she just knew that she could barely lift her head let alone get out of bed. "I don't know pa," she admitted softly. "I just want to stay in bed. Tell him I said goodnight and that I love him so very much. I will see him in the morning."

"How about if he comes to you?" Sergi suggested softly. "I didn't expect you to get out of bed but Finn is very upset and needs his mami's reassurance tonight."

Lilly squinted into her father's eyes and could see the concern in them. Finn must really be in a state to get him worried so she slowly inched up, trying to ignore the looping of the room and managed to rest back against the pillow's that Sergi had quickly placed behind her.

"I'll go and fetch him," Sergi gently tucked the duvet up round her chest. "Just try and relax, Lils," he smiled before quickly exiting the bedroom.

Lilly closed her eyes and tried to take deep breaths, feeling so awful that she felt too sick to even comfort her own child when he needed her.

What if they had been home on their own tonight? There would have been no way she could have coped with caring for her son feeling so ill. Fresh tears started to fall at the thought but she quickly scrubbed them away at the sound of the door opening again, she just couldn't show Finn how upset she was.

"Hey, you," she managed to smile as Finn sheepishly walked into the room. "Come here," she held her arms out for her boy and he quickly launched himself into them.

"Easy, easy," Sergi urged from the end of the bed. "Don't forget to be gentle because mami isn't feeling very well"

"It's okay," Lilly reassured as Finn rested his head on her shoulder. "I'm sure I can cope with a cuddle," she lied for her son's sake, knowing that all she wanted to do was lie down again. She then reached, and brushed the bangs out of his eyes. "Why all the tears, Finny?" She asked softly.

"Because I didn't get to say goodnight to you," Finn sighed, twirling one of Lilly's curls round a finger as his thumb quickly found his mouth again.

"Oh, sweetheart," Lilly pulled him in closer. "It doesn't matter, I promise." She rested her forehead on his head, not only to comfort him but to also to try to stop the spinning room. "You are so tired my love. It's been such a long day and we both need to sleep – things will seem so much better in the morning, I promise."

When Finn nodded and then yawned in reply, Lilly gently kissed his forehead. "Why don't you go back to bed now, sweetheart? Dream sweet dreams of sunshine and Papi. Tomorrow is a bright new day." She glanced over at her father who smiled and then bent and plucked Finn out of her arms.

"Night, mami," Finn mumbled as he rested his head on his grandpi's shoulder. "I love you."

"And I love you too," Lilly blew him a kiss and then watched as her father carried her sleepy child out of the room before lying down again with a groan.

She pulled her duvet up over her head and started to sob.

She just felt terribly sad for her boy; he needed a mami that was strong not one who was so sick that she could not offer him comfort.

He didn't deserve that.

Xxx

Sergi wandered into the bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt and stifling a yawn. He was so tired.

He gave Hanah a sad smile as he sat on the edge of the bed and started to change.

"Is Finn sleeping?" Hanah marked her book and then placed it on the bed. She had quickly seen to the animals and locked up as Sergi settled their daughter and grandson.

"He was asleep before his head hit the pillow," Sergi turned his head and smiled again.

Taking in her husband's slouched posture, Hanah untangled herself from the covers, knelt behind him and started to massage his shoulders. "I heard Lilly talking – is she alright?"

"Not really," Sergi shrugged and then leant his head back, welcoming the soothing massage from his wife. "She is really struggling and has barely slept."

"I thought that she was sleeping? Cara said she was the times she checked on her." Hanah frowned as she kneaded Sergi's tight muscles.

"Well, you know what Lilly is like, she doesn't like any fuss, especially when she is ill."

"Silly girl," Hanah tutted. "She should have said something."

"There is not alot we can do for her, you know that." Sergi relaxed as Hanah moved her hands into his hair and started run her fingers through it, applying pressure to help with his tension. "We have been through this scenario many times with our eldest, she just needs to get this migraine out of her system and she will only do that with peace, quiet and a dark room."

"I know," Hanah sighed, "but it doesn't make things any easier. She is still my little girl no matter what age she is and I feel that I should be doing something."

"We are. We are caring for her child and I think that is the main thing we can do until she is back on her feet again."

"Actually," Hanah paused. "I've been thinking. I think that Lilly and Finn should move in with us until Benjamin returns."

"We have offered that before and Lilly was adamant that she could cope."

"I know but, I think today may have frightened her a little. She couldn't manage to steer her horse home let alone see to her son. We need to have this conversation with her in the morning."

"I agree."

Hanah was just about to start her massage again when the sound of vomiting came from Lilly's room. She rested her forehead against the back of her husband's head. "I should go and see if she needs me," she sighed.

Sergi turned and grabbed her hand. "She will be fine. We have been in this position so many times. She won't thank you if you interfere," he smiled and when the sound of the toilet flushing quickly followed Hanah sat back and ran her fingers through her hair.

"You are right," she admitted with a sigh. "She is a grown woman who can look after herself."

"That she is." Sergi nodded, grabbed his nightgown and pulled it on.

"But, it doesn't stop me worrying about her," Hanah rolled her eyes as she got under the covers again.

"Well, you are her mother and that is what mother's do," Sergi grinned and crawled into bed too. "Mind you she is a mother herself now and is struggling with her boy at the moment."

Hanah placed her book on her bedside cabinet. "That is why we need to have a talk in the morning," she said and reached to extinguish her lamp.

"And we will," Sergi nodded, gave his wife a kiss on the cheek and then dimmed his lamp as well.

All was quiet now in Tanger house and, with any luck, would stay that way until morning.

Tomorrow was another day.

xxx

"_Hey."_

"_Hi, how are things?"_

"_Fine."_

"_How is Conner?"_

"_Fine."_

"_When are you coming home?"_

"_Not sure."_

"_It's been six months now Ben."_

"_So?"_

"_Finn misses you – your baby misses you."_

"_Oh, yeah – I'd forgotten about the baby."_

"_How can you forget about our baby?"_

"_Because, I've got more important things going on at the moment."_

"_What do you mean more important things? What is more than important than your family?"_

"_Stuff..."_

"_What stuff?"_

_Silence._

"_Ben – what stuff?"_

"_My new family."_

"_What? Your new family?"_

"_Didn't I tell you? Oh must have slipped my mind."_

"_N-no y-you d-did n-not t-tell m-me."_

"_Oh, silly me. I have a new family now Lilly. I don't need you or Mandana now. Carolyn and I are blissfully happy and have a child on the way – a real Earth human not a half-breed like the boy and the baby. I'm not coming back. Don't contact me again. Bury the gate. We want no contact."_

"_Y-you c-cant m-mean it? Y-you love us."_

"_Nope I don't - move on little girl."_

"_No, please don't do this! Ben? Ben? Please, I love you. Ben!"_

"Ben!"Lilly screamed and bolted upright. She was drenched in sweat, had tears pouring down her face and felt so sick.

"Oh god – no!" She started to shake in reaction to her nightmare, inched over, sat on the edge of her bed, and placed her aching head in her hands.

"Not real, not real," she mumbled as she tried regain control. "Oh please don't let it be real..."

Xxx

"That's Lilly!"

Hanah was instantly awake when her daughter screamed. She grabbed her lamp and rushed out of the room with Sergi quickly following her.

"Lilly? What's wrong?" She sat at Lilly's side and instantly pulled her into her arms. When her daughter just buried her head into her chest, Hanah turned to her husband. "Could you fetch her a glass of water?"

"Of course," Sergi nodded and then ran out of the room.

"Hush, hush," Hanah soothed as Lilly sobbed. "Calm down my love or you'll make yourself sick."

"It was so real, it was s-so r-real," Lilly cried as Hanah rocked.

"What was, Lil's?"

"Ben. It was s-so r-real. H-he, h-he s-said that he wasn't c-coming b-back. T-that he had a new f-family. H-he didn't n-need us anymore."

"Oh, Lilly. It was just a dream. Of course he needs you. Of course he's coming back. You're not very well and your mind is playing tricks on you my love."

"I miss him so much," Lilly curled onto her mother's lap. "When is he coming h-home?"

"When he is ready, sweetheart," Hanah carded her fingers through her daughters curls. "He has to be with his brother, you know he would be here if he could but this is something he has to do."

"But, I miss him," Lilly buried her head and sobbed. "Oh ma, I miss him and my head hurts so much."

"I know, I know," Hanah soothed, "but you have to try and calm down, you're making your headache worse."

"I c-can't," Lilly hiccupped.

"Yes you can."

"I c-can't even look after Finn let alone myself..."

"Oh Lilly, of course you can." Hanah paused to accept the glass of water off Sergi and then grabbed the cloth she'd left on the bedside cabinet, poured half of the water on it and passed the glass back to her waiting husband and smiled when he turned and made his way to refill it.

She gently lifted Lilly's head off her lap and lowered it on her shoulder. "It's just a difficult time for you at the moment, that's all," she sighed as she tenderly wiped her daughters face. "You're tired, your boy is tried. You need to rest and recover – we can look after Finn until you are back on your feet, that is what we are here for. It will be one thing less you need to worry about, my love."

Lilly closed her eyes, relishing her mother's touch. "I don't want to go home, ma," she sighed. "I don't know what would have happened if we'd been at home tonight. Finn would have been all alone."

"Then you will stay with us." Hanah glanced over at Sergi and smiled. "Your father will see to your animals and we will help you with Finn until Benjamin returns."

"Thank you," Lilly mumbled as she relaxed in her mother's arms. She suddenly felt as if a huge weight had been lifted now that she knew Finn would be cared for if she couldn't. She could let go and stop pretending that she could cope with everything on her own.

"Do you think you can sleep now, my love?" Hanah placed the cloth on the bed and carded her fingers through her sleepy girl's hair.

"Uh huh," Lilly yawned.

"Okay," Hanah smiled. "Let's get you back into bed then." She gently lowered Lilly down as Sergi lifted her legs onto the bed. "Just try and relax," she urged when Lilly groaned again. She pulled the covers over her and gently tucked her in before reaching for the bowl of water.

"Would you like me to sleep with you for the rest of the night?" She asked, watching as Lilly lolled her head from side to side, obviously still in pain.

"Please," she managed to whisper and Hanah dipped her cloth in the water, wrung it out slightly, folded it in half and placed in on her daughter's forehead before turning to Sergi.

"She needs someone with her," she smiled sadly.

"I know," Sergi agreed.

"Wake me to help with the animals." Hanah stood and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Make sure you get some sleep too," Sergi sighed, picking up his lamp. "If you need me..."

"I know— you will only next door," Hanah stroked his arm and smiled. "Sleep well."

"You too."

Sergi stood and watched as Hanah crossed to the other side of the bed and carefully climbed in. He smiled as she then took her daughter into her arms and kissed the top of her head very much as she had done when one of her girls were sick as a child.

After dimming their lamp, he started to make his way out of the room, pausing in the doorway to listen as Hanah soothed their daughter with an old Mandanan lullaby.

Memories of his children's childhood came flooding back and he fought all urges not to just turn around and stay with his wife and little girl, but he knew that Lilly needed her mother at the moment, just like she always had as a child, and left her daughter in the best hands possible.

Xxx

**STARGATE COMMAND**

Ben inched forward when he saw Conner finally open his eyes. "Good morning," he smiled. "How are you feeling?"

Conner frowned and rubbed his eyes. "Umm? Fine – I think," he replied, puzzled why his brother was sitting at his side. "Have you been here all night?" He asked as he slowly sat up.

Ben grabbed a glass of water and held it out. "No – most of it, not all of it," he shrugged.

Conner accepted the drink. "What time is it?" He asked taking a sip.

"It's about 5am." Ben shrugged, "Though I'm not really sure, the lack of day light down here makes it difficult to judge. I know it was 3am when I arrived so I'm hazarding that it's round about 5am," he began to ramble, not really sure what to say. "Anyway – I've been sat here a while. Doctor Lam said that you'd been really worked up and I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry we had words, things didn't really come out as I hoped and I don't blame you for being cross, I just hope you can forgive me and we could possibly start again. I know that's going to be hard but, you see..."

Conner reached over and placed his hand on Ben's knee. "Hey, it's okay," he soothed. "Nothing to forgive."

"Yes, yes there is," Ben continued. "I pushed you away, I hadn't meant to – I didn't realise I had until you said something and now I know I did. I was just looking out for you..." He spoke faster and faster, knowing that if he didn't tell Conner his feelings now then he never would. "...dad always told me to look after you, that you weren't as old as me, that you needed me. I was just doing as I was told but now I know that was wrong. You were your own man, I hadn't seen it and that was wrong. I never, ever meant to push you away. You're my brother – we only have each other."

"Ben, please..."

"No, no – let me finish, Con," Ben grabbed Conner's hand. "Please, I need to do this."

Conner placed his glass on the bedside cabinet and gave his brother his full attention. "Okay," he relented with a reassuring smile.

Ben cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "I should have listened to you Con but I was so wound up in my own importance, I see that now. I shouldn't have treated you like a child – please forgive me?"

"Nothing to forgive..."

"Con – please?"

Conner shook his head and sighed heavily. "Okay, I forgive you though you need to forgive me for being a stupid immature brat who didn't actually deserve you as a brother."

"Con..."

"Ben – please?" Conner grinned.

Ben slowly began to grin back. "Okay, okay – I forgive you. Happy?"

"Yup!"

"So, are we quits?"

"Yup!"

"Good." Ben patted Conner's hand. "Then, I'll leave you to get some more sleep. Carolyn says that you need to rest." He pushed up out of his chair.

"Well – I was resting but I'm wide awake now!" Conner huffed, folding his arms across his chest.

"My fault?" Ben asked with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Yes, your fault," Conner nodded. "And, because of that I think you should fetch me something to eat – I'm starving!"

"Your wish is my command," Ben chuckled and bowed.

"And, because Doc Lam said I need to spend the day in bed, you can go and track down something descent to watch on the TV!"

"Ah, no problem. I know just the thing," Ben waggled his eyebrows.

"Oh?"

"Adrian," Ben put on his best Sylvester Stallone impression as he started to walk away.

"What? No – no, no not Rocky!" Conner grouched. "Anything but Rocky!"

"Oh yes – Rocky 1, 2, 3, 4..." Ben shrugged as he walked out the room and then chuckled when he heard his brother call after him.

"Damn you Benny – you know how much I hate those shitty movies!"

Humming the Rocky theme, Ben strolled down the corridor thanking the Lord for a new day and a new start.

It was time to start being there for his brother.


	9. Chapter 9

**MANDANA **

"Do you think you have room for some more?" Hanah held up the porridge pan and Finn nodded vigoursly.

"Yes, please grandmi," he grinned and held out his bowel, which Hanah filled with a chuckle.

"I have never known anyone eat as much at breakfast than you do, Finny Ashton." She ruffled his hair on the way to returning her pot to the stove and Finn continued to eat his porridge as if he was starving!

It was early morning in the Tanger house and most of the household were up and getting ready for the day ahead. Hanah had crept out of Lilly's bed when the rooster's first crow sounded. Lilly had finally fallen asleep just before dawn after a night of tossing and turning as she battled her migraine. She barely stirred when Hanah left so she let her sleep on and stepped into to get her grandson ready for school, happy that her daughter was getting much needed rest. Sergi was readying the horse and cart after seeing to the animals and she and Finn were enjoying a leisurely breakfast together.

"So, Finn." Hanah sat at the table and poured herself a cup of tea, "what will you be doing at school today?"

"Well..." Finn thought for a moment or two. "Is today the last day of the week?" He frowned.

"Yes my love," Hanah smiled and sipped her tea.

"Well, because it's the last day of the week," Finn continued, "we normally learn about the animals with Miss Genaral," he grinned and spooned another spoonful of porridge into his mouth.

"You obviously like Miss Genaral."

Finn nodded and reached for his milk. "Yeah, she lets us feed the chickens," he said, drained his drink and then wiped his milk moustache off with the back of his hand. "And she lets us collect the eggs and then she cooks the eggs for our lunch."

"So, you don't need me to pack you anything to eat today?" Hanah stirred her own porridge and blew it before eating it.

"Nope. Not on the last day of the week. The last day of the week we have eggs and special bread that the older kids make," Finn smiled. "I like the last day of the week."

"I'm sure you do," Hanah returned the smile and then carried on with her breakfast. Finn seemed so much happier today and she was glad.

"If you have finished your porridge, you can get down and get your things together," she told her grandson as he placed his spoon in his now empty bowl and he quickly hopped off his stool and grabbed his backpack off the back of the door.

"I won't be long, grandmi," he smiled as he skipped into the lounge.

"Good boy," Hanah called after him, quickly finished her breakfast and then started to clear the table.

She was just pouring some hot water into the sink when she heard Lilly slowly coming down the stairs. "Oh, for goodness sake," she grouched to herself, wiping her hands and going to see if her daughter was all right. The sight of Lilly hanging on to the banister for dear life as she took the stairs one by one, told her that her daughter was far from recovered and shouldn't be up.

"What are you doing out of bed, young lady," she scolded and held out her hand to steady Lilly as she wobbled on the last step.

"I have come to see to my boy," Lilly sighed and allowed her mother's help.

"He is in hand." Hanah shook her head and tutted as she walked Lilly into the kitchen. "You should have stayed in bed."

Lilly gingerly lowered herself into a chair and rubbed her temples. "I wanted to say goodbye," she shrugged and then picked up the glass of water her mother quickly placed in front of her.

"Well," Hanah tutted again, her voice rising in annoyance at her stubborn daughter. "You look awful and should have stayed in bed. Finn is just fine."

"Please, ma. Don't yell – I have a headache," Lilly groaned before taking a sip of water.

Hanah shook her head as she sat at her side. "I'm sorry, Lilly," she apologised "but we discussed this last night – your father and I will care for Finn until you are well enough and you are certainly not well enough this morning."

Lilly turned to face her with tears brimming in her eyes. "I just wanted to say goodbye to him," she sniffed.

Hanah hung her head, feeling sorry for shouting and then grabbed Lilly's hand. "I know you do, my love, don't upset yourself," she soothed.

When Finn then came skipping back into the kitchen with his coat on and back pack in place, both women looked up and smiled at him.

"Mami!" He grinned and ran to his mother and gave her a hug. "I'm glad you're better," he gushed.

"Me too," Lilly lied as she returned the hug, glaring at her mother when she rolled her eyes at her lie. "Have you got everything?" She then asked as she held her son at arm's length and inspected him from head to toe.

"Yes, mami," Finn nodded.

"Have you washed?"

"Yes, mami."

"Behind your ears?"

"Yes, mami."

"Cleaned your teeth?"

"Yes, mami," Finn sighed heavily, obviously becoming fed up of his mothers questioning.

"Lunch?" Lilly asked and then turned to her mother. "Does he have any lunch?" She repeated.

"Not today," Hanah grinned knowingly and winked at her grandson. "Today is egg day isn't it Finny."

"Yes, grandmi," Finns grin was as wide as his grandmothers. "It's egg day today!" He confirmed with a nod of his head.

"Oh, yes," Lilly sighed as she rubbed her temples again. "Silly mami, of course it is egg day," she smiled at her son who bowed cheekily.

Hanah chuckled at his antics as she cleared the rest of the table and then returned the wave that Sergi gave her when she glanced out of the window. "Come on Finny, grandpi is waiting," she turned and told her grandson who quickly hugged and kissed his mother before skipping to the door.

"Have a good day," Lilly called as he opened the door.

"I will," Finn turned and grinned before hurrying out to his waiting grandpi.

As the door closed behind him, Lilly rested her head on her folded hands on the table. "I feel dreadful," she admitted with a groan.

Hanah walked over and rubbed her back. "Then go back to bed my love."

"Sofa," Lilly mumbled into her arms. "Fed up of bed."

"I don't care where you go just as long as you sleep." Hanah gently eased her to her feet and led her into the lounge where she helped her lie down.

Lilly turned and buried her head into the back of the sofa and Hanah grabbed the throw off the back and gently tucked her in. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me," she whispered and planted a kiss on her daughters head.

"'kay," Lilly mumbled, shifted slightly to get more comfortable and then willingly gave into her exhaustion.

Hanah crossed and drew the drapes, shutting out the dark miserable day and then tip toed out, leaving Lilly to rest.

Soon the sound of soft snoring drifted into the kitchen and Hanah continued with her morning chores, happy that her daughter had found some peace and quiet at last.

Xxxx

"Han?" Sergi called when he returned for lunch. He'd dropped Finn at school then travelled on to Cara's to check the Wenton family were alright before going to his office to organise his workers.

"Hanah?" He called again and when his wife didn't reply he strolled into the lounge where he found both his daughter and wife.

"Shh," Hanah looked up from her sewing and placed her finger on her lips. "Don't wake her," she whispered as Lilly groaned and turned onto her side.

Sergi knelt in front of his daughter, tenderly brushed her hair out of her eyes and straightened her covers before turning to Hanah. "How's she been?" He asked, rocking back on his heels.

"Groggy but sleeping most of the morning," Hanah nodded and picked her sewing up again.

"Good," Sergi smiled.

"Did Finn get off alright?" Hanah asked as she re threaded her needle.

"Yes, no problems."

"Everything alright at Cara's?"

"I think the girls kept them up most of the night so they're having a quiet day, but, apart from that they're doing fine."

"Good." Hanah continued her embroidery, inching closer to the lamp she had to light as the drapes blocked out most of the natural light.

Sergi cleared his throat. "I don't suppose there is any lunch?" He asked.

"In the pantry. It is just cold cuts today. I'll cook later," Hanah smiled as she sewed.

Sergi stood, grimacing at his creaking knees. "Do you want anything?" He offered.

"Not at the moment – I'll eat with Lilly when she wakes."

"Okay," Sergi nodded and stretched. "I'll just eat and get back to work – it's a busy day today."

"Don't forget to pick Finn up."

"I won't."

As Sergi went in search of his lunch, he was struck by the familiarity of what had been normal family life before the girls left home and realised how much he missed those days.

He was really going to enjoy having Lilly and Finn staying.

xxx

Normality reigned at the Tanger house for the rest of the week. Once Lilly started eating and drinking her migraine finally disappeared leaving her feeling as though she could cope with things better.

After a few days of resting, she had to return to work as Conrad had fallen sick himself and she found herself covering his shift as well as her own. Her parents had been wonderful, as had Finn. They had made sure she rested when she could and supplied her with good healthy food to help her through her long days at the hospital.

Niall had stepped in and taken over the farm duties from Sergi, allowing him to give his grandson all his attention and the young boy had really enjoyed his time with his grandfather. Fishing trips were arranged for after school and at the weekend Sergi had taken him to Wenton farm where he'd helped Niall with the ploughing.

Although Lilly saw little of him, she knew that he was in good hands and any time they had together was quality time, normally spent reading. She had dispatched her father to collect a long list of books from her library and she and Finn soon found an adventure story they both liked and had lost themselves in it as much as time allowed.

For a while, she almost forgot about her missing husband as work and family kept her occupied but, in the middle of the night, like now, she longed for him so much that it almost hurt.

Giving up on sleep that she knew wouldn't come; she threw her covers back and grabbed her robe. A vivid dream had reminded her off better days, of days spent in the orchard – of a father racing his son and she physically ached for that time.

She knelt at the side of the bed and retched for her memory box she kept under it. The trinkets and photographs she kept inside were the most precious things in her life, a part from her family. As she opened the box, she felt so dreadful that she hadn't thought about Ben all day.

Reaching in she removed a locket that contained a lock of Finn's hair, the bracelet that Mari Quinn gave her after his birth, a farewell card given to her by her Earth friends when she left SGC to return to Mandana and the dried roses from her wedding bouquet. All wonderful memories but she needed to 'see' her husband, to feel closer to him and she plucked the pile of photographs she kept in there and slowly untied the ribbon she had worn in her hair on her wedding day she had use to bundle them together, and carefully examined each one.

She smiled softly at images of her husband. How he grinned as he watched her down the aisle towards him on their wedding day. How he beamed as he pointed towards their new cottage after he'd renovated it and how proud, but tired he looked as he cradled Finn moments after he was born.

These were snippets of time that would never be reproduced and Lilly found tears filing her eyes as she flicked through them. She missed him so much and wished she could tell him how much she loved him right now.

As the cockerel crowed the arrival of morning though, she quickly wiped her eyes and tucked her memories away again until next time.

One more week. She had to get through one more week before he contacted home again. She could do this – she had to.

Xxx

**EARTH**

"Tell me about London."

Ben and Conner were sat enjoying the spring sunshine in Cheyenne Canon Park. The kitchen staff at the Mountain had rustled them up a picnic and they'd spent the morning leisurely walking through the woods before settling down to enjoy the meal.

The past week had been difficult as Conner had been exhausted but today was a good day, he felt stronger and in a much better place mentally. The brothers were determined to make the most of today.

"London was the best decision I made," he rested his head back against a tree, feeling fit to burst. "I found myself in London."

"Oh?" Ben was kneeling, clearing away the plates and containers after thoroughly enjoying the feast that had been provided.

"It's so laid back over there, so small in comparison. Nothing was done in a hurry, life was sedate and I found time to discover myself and, I suppose – grow up."

"I thought that London was all hustle and bustle," Ben shrugged as he buckled up the picnic hamper. "It's such a huge city."

"Ah, well. The base was out of London, more in the countryside. Lakenheath was in a village – well, it was a village inside of a village, so to speak. It was a small community and that was something I loved. I felt comfortable there, people looked out for me and I quickly became part of a team, an equal part."

"I can understand that," Ben sighed as he joined his brother. "The Air Force was my family for a long time too."

"Yeah," Conner agreed with a sigh. "I owe them so much," he continued softly. "I learnt a trade, made new friends, discovered a new country and felt that I belonged. My life was mapped out in front of me; I had direction and thought I knew where I was going. That was until I found I couldn't keep up with physical side of the requirements. I would be exhausted after just a 3k run and I started failing that side of the programme. It was so frustrating – I had always been so fit. In the end my C/O insisted I got a full medical, my weight had started plummeting, even though I ate like a horse and I struggled to stay awake during lectures. Within a week of the medical, I was diagnosed and it was as if my whole world had imploded."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"What could you have done?" Conner shrugged. "At the time the prognosis was hopeful. I just needed a couple of rounds of chemo and a course of radio, which I got. The treatment wasn't too bad; I didn't even lose my hair and was back at work within three months, believing that I'd kicked the cancer. Life went back to normal for over a year, my career was back on track and I even had a steady girlfriend but, one day I woke up feeling dreadful, my whole body ached awfully. I put it down to too much beer the night before and tried to ignore it but the pain didn't go away. In the end I went back to the Doc, thinking he'd give me an antibiotic or some pain pills but he ordered a blood test straight away and they confirmed the worse."

"I'm so sorry."

"Yeah – so was I. This time I was hospitalised for more treatment. Cycle after cycle of chemo and radio. I lost my hair and most of my dignity but fought it so damn hard. Again, I was told I was in remission but even then, deep down I knew the bugger would come back someday and, three years later, I was proved right. This time I refused treatment, there was no way I could go through that shit again. This time I ran from it, well ran straight for the booze to lose myself. God I was a mess. I slept with as many women as I could, figuring – what the hell, I was gonna die soon anyway. I was on a downhill slippery slope for many months – as sick as a dog and not caring what happened but Alison changed all that."

"Alison?"

"Alison Hardy," Conner turned his head and smiled softly. "God she was beautiful, Ben," he sighed. "She was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. She was also the bravest person I'd ever had the privilege to meet. Alison was my treatment buddy. She had been diagnosed with leukaemia around the same time. We met in the hospital while we sat in the chemo chairs and hit it off straight away. We were then each other's rocks but she left me. She l-left m-me when I n-needed her the m-most."

"Oh, Con," Ben reached out to his brother but Conner shrugged away his touch.

"When she died," he continued after clearing his throat and wiping his eye. "I was in lay in bed with a stranger – someone I picked up in a pub. I didn't even know her name, she didn't know mine. When the hospital called to tell me that Alison had passed away in her sleep, it was like a kick in the stomach. I just couldn't get my head round the fact that she'd gone. Her death was actually the wakeup call I needed. She had fought so long and hard, for years and years. Nothing stopped her – her will to live was incredible and I knew that if I didn't sort myself out she'd be so pissed with me so I checked myself back into the clinic and started treatment again. This time I was lucky enough to find a perfect bone marrow match and that actually gave me another five years. I thank Alison every day for those extra five years. I went back to the unit and started my life again. I took the electrician qualifications and was found a job round the base. I had a purpose again, something to aim for and started to enjoy living again."

"I'm glad."

"Yeah, me too," Conner nodded. "These past five years have been wonderful but I've always known that I was living on borrowed time and when my symptoms started again I knew that this time there would be no fighting back."

"I-I don't know w-what to say o-other than that I'm sorry that I didn't know or helped."

"It was my choice Benny. I didn't tell you," Conner shrugged.

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I thought I could cope on my own."

"No one should be on their own, coping with all that."

"I know that now – that's why I'm here now. I don't want to die on my own, Benny," Conner grabbed Ben's hand and Ben immediately pulled him into his arms.

"You won't, I promise. I will be with you; you won't die on your own."

"T-thank you," Conner sobbed as he melted into his brother's embrace, feeling as if the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders.

His big brother was here, he had him. There was nothing to fear.

**MANDANA **

"Morning," Hanah greeted softly as she walked into the kitchen. "Couldn't you sleep?" She rubbed Lilly's back on route to the stove.

Lilly yawned and stretched. "No," she sighed. "Things were just going round and round in my head and I gave up," she admitted with a shrug.

"What sort of things?" Hanah asked as she pumped some water into a pot.

Lilly ran her fingers through her hair and picked up the piece of paper she'd been jotting her thoughts down on. "Things like," she held the paper up for her mother to see, "knowing what to say when I talk to my husband tomorrow." She smiled sadly as she waved her notes in the air. Another week had gone past so quickly but, although Lilly had submerged herself in work and family life, her thoughts were never far from her husband.

"Ah," Hanah tied her robe tighter around her and took a seat opposite her daughter. "A difficult thing to do," she nodded in agreement.

"I just don't know what I'm going to say, ma," Lilly sighed as she placed the piece of paper in front of her again and smoothed out the creases. "I have no idea what is going to happen. My heart is longing for him to come home but my head is telling me that that will not be likely."

"Why not?"

"I don't know but I just have this feeling." Lilly rested her head in the hand she then propped up on the table. "If his brother has passed on, he will need to make arrangements for the funeral and sort out his estate. All this takes time. If his brother is still alive then goodness knows when he is going to return, it could be months. I don't want to add to all his worries by crying about how much I miss him and how much Finn misses him too. I need to be calm and collected but let him know how much we love him and are thinking about him."

"Okay," Hanah walked toward her stove. "You sound like you know what you are doing," she smiled as she poured the now boiling water into the teapot.

"Not really," Lilly shrugged, massaging her temples. "I've gone over and over it and I just don't know how to say what I want to say."

"Well. Let him lead you. Be guided by what he says. I am sure he misses you just as much as you miss him, my love."

Lilly thought for a while as Hanah grabbed some cups and milk. "You're right," she agreed. "I will just go there with nothing prepared and just speak from my heart." She picked up the piece of paper, screwed it up and tossed it on the fire. "Now I only have to worry about my boy," she sighed as she lowered her head in her hand again.

"Oh?" Hanah placed a cup of tea in front of her and sat down again.

"What do I tell him ma?" Lilly asked as she ran a finger round the rim of her cup. "Do I tell him I am going to have contact with his papi because if I do he will get his hopes up that he is returning and if Ben doesn't come home, he will be totally crushed."

"Ah, I see," Hanah sighed as she sipped her tea. "But, if he finds out that you've spoken to him without him then he will be angry."

"Exactly," Lilly glanced up and echoed Hanah's sigh.

"What a mess," Hanah agreed. "No wonder you couldn't sleep, my love."

"Well, I will have to work this all out before tomorrow," Lilly shook her head, grimacing at the tug of a headache. "I have looked forward this day for what seems like forever and now it is just round the corner, I dread it as much as I looked forward to it," she admitted sadly.

Hanah drained her cup and stood. "Why don't you go back to bed and sleep on it? You have no work today and Cara is not bringing Finn back until lunch time."

"I think I might just do that," Lilly agreed as her headache began to worsen. "Thanks for listening ma," she stood and stretched again.

"Anytime, you know that Lilly," Hanah smiled. "Now – off to bed you go, you look really tired my love. I will call you when Finn arrives."

Lilly crossed and kissed the top of her mother's head. "I love you," she told her before she stumbled in search of her bed once more.


	10. Chapter 10

Lilly grabbed the next file in her seeming never ending pile. She had to finish this paperwork before she left for the Stargate and was quickly running out of time.

She'd been up extra early today to travel back to the cottage to get things ready if Ben returned home today. She'd changed the beds, scrubbed the floors and picked fresh flowers as a welcoming touch – she wanted everything to be as perfect as possible, even though she knew that the chances of him returning were slim.

On her way in to work, she'd picked Finn up from her parents, explaining her absence from breakfast was due to a home visit, which wasn't exactly an untruth. The decision not to tell her son where she was going today had been a difficult one but she'd finally decided that, if Ben did return it would be a wonderful surprise for her boy and if he didn't Finn would be none the wiser.

She just needed to complete these files, return them to the maternity wing, grab something to eat and be on her way.

Chewing on her pen, she opened Cara's file. She had visited her sister last night when she'd dropped her son off for the evening and had given the girls their regular checks. She had been so pleased with their progress; both had put good weight on and were obviously very content. Cara was coping beautifully with her girls and seemed very well indeed – full of energy and taking to motherhood extremely naturally.

Lilly rubbed her temples as she transferred the information from her notebook into the twin's notes, the dull headache that still plagued her occasionally beginning to make itself known again. She grabbed her glass of water, drained it, flicked to the next page, and sighed in frustration when she realised that she didn't have Sophie's weight chart. That meant she needed a trip to Cara's office to complete her work so she closed the file, placed it on the top of her others, grabbed her lab coat and stood. When the room span slightly she held onto her desk to steady herself before rubbing her aching temples again, struggling into her coat and hurrying out of her office, hoping the fresh air on her journey to the gate would perk her up a little.

Xxx

When Lilly stepped into her sister's office, she was very surprised to find Cara at her desk, obviously engrossed in her own paperwork.

"Sorry," she smiled in greeting. "I didn't mean to disturb you."

Cara glanced up and returned the smile. "You didn't," she shrugged, "I'm just going through a few things while my girls are being clucked over by the day shift."

Lilly balanced her work as she closed the door behind her. "I'm just returning these files," she explained as she then crossed the room, placed the files on the table and opened the filing cabinet.

Cara pushed her work to one side and sat back in her chair. "I thought you were going to the stone ring today," she stated as she stretched and yawned.

"I am," Lilly nodded as she started to flick through the filing cabinet. "I just needed to complete yesterday's paper work first," she sighed and retched for her first file. "My check in slot is not until later this afternoon so I am just making sure I am not leaving any loose ends here first."

"Do you think Benny will be coming home?" Cara asked as she stretched again.

Lilly turned to face her, paused when her world looped slightly again and had to swallow down the vertigo induced nausea from her motion before answering. "I don't think so," she sighed and rubbed her forehead, her head beginning to hurt more by the second.

"Lilly? Are you feeling alright?"

"What?" Lilly glanced up at her sister's concerned words. "Yes, yes – I'm fine," she flashed Cara what she hoped was a reassuring smile before returning to her filing but Cara obviously did not fall for her act because she immediately pushed out of her chair and crossed to her side.

"You look really pale, Lil."

Lilly shook her head as Cara placed a hand on her arm. "I am fine," she sighed. "Today has just been a bit of a rush that's all," she admitted softly.

"Why don't you sit down for a while?" Cara urged, equally as softly. "I will finish your filing."

"Don't be silly," Lilly snorted. "You are on medical leave Cara and should not be working anyway."

"I don't mind. You look like you might fall down at any minute."

Lilly sighed and then hung her head. She had to admit that her legs felt weak and her head was swimming, perhaps a sit down might be a good idea. "Okay," she mumbled and then turned to find a chair but as she did, the room looped again and her vision began to dim at the edges.

"Cara..."

As her legs gave out, Lilly was aware of her sister guiding her towards a chair and yelling for help.

xxx

"What happened Cara?" Conrad knelt at Lilly's side.

Lilly sat with her head between her knees breathing heavily and trying her hardest not to pass out.

Cara gently stroked her sisters back as Conrad took her pulse. "She just collapsed," she sighed sadly.

"Did she lose consciousness?"

"No, but she was very close."

"Okay." Conrad pulled Lilly's curls back and tipped her chin slightly. "How are you feeling now Lilly?" He smiled gently as he checked her pupil response.

"Headache," Lilly mumbled softly, her head pounding and her stomach rolling.

"Is it one of your migraines?" Conrad brushed her hair off her face and placed his hand on her forehead.

"I think so," Lilly admitted with a sigh and closed her eyes.

Conrad gave her knee a comforting squeeze. "Okay, Lilly," he smiled sadly. "I think we are going to find you a bed..."

"What?" Lilly snapped her head up, groaning when pain exploded behind her eyes. "I have to go to the gate," she whimpered and rested her head in her hands. "Ben is checking in, he might be coming home. I have to be there, I just have to."

"Not today, platon," Conrad sighed as he got to his feet. "Today you are resting and letting us take care for you."

"I can't," Lilly sobbed.

"Sorry, Lilly. Platon's orders." Conrad shook his head and then smiled at Cara who pulled her sick, devastated sister in for a one armed hug. "Can you admit her while I fetch her some fluids and glucose, Cara?"

"Of course," Cara nodded as she ran her hands through Lilly's curls, feeling so very sad for her sister as she knew how important today was to her.

"I won't be long," Conrad smiled again before leaving Cara to tend to her sister.

Lilly turned and buried her pounding head sister's skirt and sobbed. She desperately wanted to go to the gate, desperately wanted to speak to her husband.

"I'm so sorry, Lilly. I'm so sorry," Cara soothed as she held her. "I'll fetch Pa to go for you. You need to rest and get better."

Xxx

Cara hurried into her parent's house, one screaming daughter in her arms and the other fast asleep in her carrier.

After overseeing Lilly's admittance she had made sure she was resting comfortably before rescuing her girls from her broody helena's and hurrying to fill her parents in on the situation.

"Shh, shh," she soothed Rachael as she pushed the back door open with her hip.

Hanah, who had been alerted to her daughter's arrival by the sound of Rachael's cries, meet her at the door and held her arms out for her upset granddaughter. "Hey, hey – what is this all about, little one," she smiled as she placed Rachael over her shoulder and stroked her back, jostling her up and down slight to try and calm her.

"She is hungry, ma," Cara sighed, placing the baby carrier on the kitchen table before shrugging out of her rain soaked coat. "I didn't have time to feed her at the hospital."

Hanah continued to pace with her granddaughter as Cara sat at the table and prepared herself to feed her hungry girl. "I didn't know you were going to the hospital today Cara," she frowned.

"I wasn't going to," Cara admitted as she unbuttoned her blouse, "but I promised the girls I would take these two in," she smiled and held her hands out for her daughter. "And, it was a good job I did," she sighed as her mother passed her Rachael who quickly latched on to her mother's nipple and started to suckle greedily.

"Oh?"

"Lilly is not well again, ma," Cara shifted slightly and explained. "Conrad had to admit her. She has another migraine."

"Is she going to be alright?" Hanah asked urgently. "I mean – do I need to go to her?"

Cara quickly shook her head and gave her mother a reassuring smile. "She will be fine but Conrad wants to keep a close eye on her over night. She was sleeping when I left."

Hanah sighed in relief and then took a seat opposite her youngest daughter. "Poor Lilly, she is so tired."

"I know, that's why Conrad wants her to rest."

Hanah reached and poured Cara a cup of tea. "She was up so early this morning, preparing things for Ben," she shook her head as she spoke. "She wants everything to be ready should he return."

"Well, she is in no condition to travel on to the ring today."

"She must be devastated."

"She is."

"We need to get word to Ben that his wife will not be at check in. I'm sure he will be as devastated as she is."

Cara sat back and relaxed as Rachael continued to feed and patted down her pockets and pulled out a note Lilly had handwritten to take with her today. "Actually ma, perhaps pa could go in her place if he hasn't much on today. Lilly gave me this note," she pushed the piece of paper towards her mother. "She would like this to be sent back through the gate for Ben."

Hanah picked up the note and folded in two, as much as she would love to read it she knew that it would be very personal and for Ben's eyes only. "Of course," she nodded and reached for her tea again. "Your father is on his way home for his lunch and has the afternoon free," she smiled and took a sip. "Actually, I have a free afternoon a head too so I think I will join him for the trip."

"That sounds a lovely idea," Cara agreed. "Niall will pick Finn up from school so you don't have to worry about rushing back. I am sure Lilly would appreciate it if you could visit her and update her on your way home."

"Of course."

"And, I will prepare supper for all of us."

"That is a wonderful idea!"

Although the situation was far from ideal, at least they would personally be able explain things to Ben and hopefully reassure Lilly that everything was fine afterwards.

Family always pulled together in times of difficulty.

Xxx

"It's okay, Lilly, you can go back to sleep." Conrad smiled as his patient's eyelids fluttered open. He was just about to leave for the day and had stopped by to check on her.

"What time is it?" Lilly lifted a shaky hand and knuckled her eyes.

"It is nearly dusk, my friend. The suns are low in the sky," Conrad told her as he hung another bag of fluids. "You have been sleeping all afternoon."

"Has there been word from my father?" Lilly closed her eyes again and rubbed her temple.

"Not yet," Conrad smiled as he picked up her chart and added her latest set of observations to her notes. "Niall did visit you on his way to picking Finn up from school but you were sleeping."

Lilly curled up on her side and placed a hand over her eyes, telling Conrad all he needed to know about how she was feeling.

"Your son is just fine; your parents have travelled to the ring and will visit on their way home. Try and sleep again," he soothed and pulled Lilly's covers up to her shoulder.

"Uh huh," Lilly mumbled and ducked her head under her blankets.

"I will leave you to rest," Conrad whispered softly. "Anton is on duty tonight if you need him."

He stood at the bedside and waited until he was sure his patient was sleeping again and then pulled the curtains round her bed and went in search of the charge helena to update her on Lilly's condition.

There was not much they would do for her other than letting her rest and make sure she was hydrated. The migraines would stop when her stress levels reduced and only good news from the ring would do that.

Lilly Ashton needed her husband home.

xxx

**STARGATE COMMAND**

"Hey," Ben smiled when Daniel pulled up a seat next to him. "I thought you were off world."

"Yeah, well – the mission was cancelled," he held up his wrists to show the bracelets that still shackled him to Vala.

"Ah," Ben grinned. "Still no joy removing them?"

"Nope – looks like I'm gonna be stuck with that annoying woman for ages," Daniel grouched, desperately trying to pull off a bracelet. "Anyway," he sighed when his attempt was unsuccessful. "I thought I'd while away the time with you," he turned and smiled. "What time is Lilly due to dial in?"

"Anytime now," Ben grinned and turned his attention to the Stargate again. He had been up all night, going over and over things in his head. Lilly would have to understand that he just couldn't leave Conner. He needed to be at his brother's side, he'd promised him.

"Have you figured out what you're going to tell her?" Daniel asked softly, knowing that his friend was torn between two worlds.

"The truth," Ben shrugged. "She'll understand," he turned and flashed Daniel a quick smile. "Lilly will understand."

"I'm sure she will," Daniel smiled back and the then sat in silence, watching and waiting. Within minutes, claxons sounded round the base.

"Unidentified off world activation," Walter stated as the room filled with personel.

"Receiving Mandana IDC," he over rode.

General Laundry smiled at Ben and then gave the order for the iris to be opened and the MALP to be sent through.

Soon, the Mandana countryside came into view on the console and Ben searched the screen for his wife.

His heart was racing and his hands were sweaty, He was so nervous. It had been so long since he'd seen Lilly and he knew that she was going to be so disappointed about his decision.

The disappointment turned out to be his though when Sergi and Hanah came into view.

Where was Lilly?

Something was wrong?

"Hello, hello – can you hear me?"

Ben watched as Sergi tapped the viewer. He turned to Daniel and shrugged before keying the radio.

"Hi Sergi, hearing you loud and clear."

"Is that you Benjamin?"

"Yes, it's me," Ben confirmed before taking a deep breath. "Where's Lilly?" he quickly asked, his heart thundering in his chest.

"She was too unwell to journey to the ring today, I am afraid."

"What? What's wrong Sergi?" Ben was frantic with worry as dreadful scenarios ran through his head. "Sergi – what's wrong with Lilly?" He asked again, watching as his father in law bit his bottom lip.

"She will be just fine with rest, Ben – do not worry but she has been suffering with migraines for the last two weeks. Conrad has ordered bed rest and she is being well looked after at the hospital."

"Is the baby alright?"

"The baby is just fine."

"I'm coming home."

"No, please do not worry yourself – Lilly is in the best possible hands."

"This is not up for discussion. I'm coming home," Ben glanced at Hank who immediately nodded in confirmation. "I have loose ends to tie up here first but will return," he turned to Hank again who mouthed 'tomorrow – same time' to give him the heads up of a convenient time.

Ben keyed the radio again. "Tomorrow at the same time," he relayed to his father in law. "Will she be alright till then?"

"She will be fine. She will not be expecting you to drop everything and return, son."

"I'm not going to drop everything," Ben sighed and looked at Daniel. "I just need to talk to my brother, let him know my decision" When Daniel nodded and smiled back he knew that his friend had understood that he intended to tell his Conner about the Stargate and that he was going to take his brother home with him.

He then turned to the console again. "Can you arrange for two carts to pick us up this time tomorrow?"

"Of course."

"Tell Lilly that I love her every much and will see her very soon."

"Of course."

"Listen, I've got to go now, there are alot of arrangements to make. Give my boy a hug from me."

"We will."

"Safe journey."

"Thank you. We will see you tomorrow. Mandana out."

"Take care both. Earth out."

Ben watched as the link to Mandan slowly fizzled out and then turned to the General. "Permission to tell my brother about the Stargate Programme, Sir?" He saluted.

"Permission granted," Hank saluted back with a smile and Ben stood, patted Daniel's shoulder and then rushed out of the room.

This was going to be very hard to explain, very hard indeed.

Xxx

MANDANA

Lilly longed to be home, curled up with her husband in a dark room. There was still no let up in her migraine and the hustle and bustle of what was obviously a busy night in the maternity wing was doing little to ease her suffering.

She had tried to bury her aching head in her pillows to block out the sounds of a mother giving birth – her heart went out to her but her screams and cries had escalated the pain which was now making her feel extremely nauseous again. She didn't want to make a fuss – the helena's and Anton were all busy tending to the young woman so she grabbed the bowl from the bedside cabinet, thankful that the curtains were still drawn round her bed, and quietly prepared herself for what she knew might be a long few hours battle with her sickness.

After managing to inch herself into a sitting position, she rested her head back and closed her eyes, gently rubbing her stomach as it churned. The fact that her baby was so active tonight added to the feeling of illness. All she wanted to do was to sleep again and escape but, as the new mother to be screams increased and the yells for help echoed round the ward, Lilly gave into her nausea with a sob.

Xxx

"Why did you not call for someone?" Anton tutted and handed Lilly's bowl to the helena who had just changed her soiled linen. He had discovered how ill she had been as he completed his ward rounds after the emergency delivery and had not been pleased that she had not notified anyone how sick she felt.

"You were busy," Lilly sighed and closed her eyes, feeling extremely drained and miserable. Her head still pounded and her stomach was sore and uncomfortable.

"Yes, well," Anton tutted again, "somebody would have been able to assist you. You are a patient not a platon today, Mrs Ashton." He then gently helped Lilly so she lay down again and then picked up her wrist and proceeded to take her pulse.

"How did the birth go?" Lilly mumbled as she covered her eyes.

"The baby is fine," Anton sighed as he perched on the edge of the bed.

"And the mother?"

When silence greeted her question, Lilly removed her arm and stared at Anton. "And, how is the mother?" She repeated slowly, not liking the young platon's reluctance to answer.

"Anton?"

Anton paused for a moment before tucking Lilly's arm under her covers again. "She is in a critical condition," he finally managed confirm sadly and Lilly immediately started to push herself up again.

"I need to see her..."

"You need to rest." Anton's firm yet gentle hand pushed her back down again. "You are in no condition to help. We have called your sister in and she is on route."

"But, she has her girls to tend to," Lilly objected. "I just have a headache, her girls need their mother."

"This is more than just a headache, Platon Ashton. Your pulse is racing, your baby is not happy and I am sure that if you try to stand you will more than likely collapse. You are to stay here and try and relax."

"But..." Lilly struggled up onto her elbows but Anton shook his head.

"Please, Lilly," he sighed. "There is little you can do and if you carryon like this I will be forced to sedate you so you do not harm yourself or your baby."

"But I can help!" Lilly was getting more and more worked up; why call Cara in when she was here and more than capable to tend to the sick mother? "My sister's place with her babies. I will tend to her, she needs my help.." she pushed Anton's hands off her shoulders and started to swing her legs off the bed but, when the room looped and agonising pain erupted behind her eyes, she couldn't help but cry out.

She was then aware of being gently lain down again and of familiar hands stroking her forehead.

"Come on, my love. You need to relax."

"Ma?" She mumbled and grabbed Hanah's hand.

"Shh, shh, just relax. Everything is just fine, you need to calm down."

"But, I am needed," Lilly sobbed. "They have sent for Cara but I can help."

"No you can't – you are too sick."

"Please ma," Lilly was opening crying now. "I- I h-have t-to h-help – I f-feel s-so u-useless..."

"No, what you have to do is regain your strength for your husband, my love. You need to rest. Shh, shh – just rest Lilly. You cannot do everything, you know that. Let others help."

Her mother's voice was soothing and, when she was aware of her father taking her other hand, Lilly started to relax.

"B-ben?" She stuttered as she leant into her mother's touch.

"Benjamin is just fine and is coming home; you need to sleep my love. You are so very tired..."

Lilly then welcomed the draw of exhaustion willingly, knowing that her husband was now on his way home.

"Home..."

xxx 

**STARGATE COMMAND**

"I need to tell you something," Ben sighed and perched on the edge of Conner's bed.

"Oh?" Conner frowned and lowered the book he'd been reading. "What's up?" He asked as he watched Ben nervously pick at a loose thread on his blanket.

"I've just spoken to home," Ben glanced up and shrugged.

"O-kay," Conner continued to frown, puzzled by his brothers nervousness. "Is everything alright?"

"No, not really. Umm, Lilly is not well..."

"Oh – I see,"Conner flopped back with a sigh.

"I need to go home, Con. She needs me."

"Of course she does," Conner tried to smile. "You should be with her."

"It's just that... because of the baby and everything..."

"No, no – I understand, it's fine. I was thinking of returning to England anyway," Conner shrugged. He could see how upset his brother was – of course, he should go to his wife, he had a family and they were, quite rightly his priority.

Ben reached over and placed his hand on Conner's knee. "No, you don't understand," he told him softly, "I want you to come with me."

Conner stared at him for a while and then quickly shook his head. "No you don't. You'll have enough on your hands with Lilly being sick; you don't need me around adding to your stress. It's not fair on you or Lilly."

"I'm not going without you Conner and that's final."

"Have you asked Lilly if that's okay with her?"

"No, not yet."

"Why not? "

"Because she is in hospital."

"I don't understand. I thought you'd spoken to her?" Perhaps Lilly was really sick. Perhaps there was something wrong with the baby. Ben seemed nervous but not too worried. Surely he'd spoken to her.

"She's going to be just fine with some rest," Ben quickly reassured. "There is a reason I can't speak to her," he nervously bit his lower lip, knowing just where the questioning was leading. The moment of truth was mere seconds away.

"Why's that?"

"Because she lives on another planet, Con."

Stunned silence greeted Ben's admission as Conner's frown deepened.

"I haven't told you the exact truth," Ben ventured softly as his brother continued to stare at him doing a very good impression of a fish out of water.

"Ben. I—I don't understand? W—what are you telling me?"

Ben took a deep breath before replying. "Well... in 1928 scientists discovered a stone ring in Egypt..."

Conner sat, slack jawed slack and listened in total shock as Ben then told him all about the Stargate Programme. Several times, he'd stopped him as he thought he was joking but, when Daniel, Hank and Carolyn all confirmed the story, he was completely blown away.

All this time, his brother had lived on another planet, amongst another race! And, Conner had thought his life had been complicated!


	11. Chapter 11

MANDANA

Cara pushed the door open with her hip and then rolled her trolley of equipment to the side of Lilly's bed. She had just come from performing life saving surgery on Catherine Holen who had nearly bled to death during childbirth. She had rushed to the hospital, after dropping the twins off at her parents' house. Sergi and Hanah had returned to relieve Niall of his baby sitting duties as he was sitting with Finn and Niall was going to return Wenton farm with the girls. It was all very confusing, as family life normally was.

Catherine's operation had taken over an hour but the young woman's condition was now, thankfully stable and Cara was checking in on her sister.

"How is she doing Greta?" She asked the charge helena who was checking Lilly's blood pressure.

"Much better for being moved in here," Greta smiled.

It had been decided to move Lilly to one of the quiet labour rooms as the hustle and bustle of the main maternity ward was not helping with her ongoing migraine.

"Her blood pressure is coming down nicely," Greta continued as she removed the blood pressure cuff. "And she is finally sleeping."

"That's good," Cara smiled, checking her equipment, "but unfortunately I'm going to have to disturb her," she sighed. "I want to get a trace readout of the baby's heart."

Anton had informed her that the baby was showing signs of distress because Lilly was so stressed and Cara wanted to keep a close eye on things.

"Do you need any help?" Greta asked as she filled in Lilly's chart.

"No, I'm fine," Cara assured. "I think Anton could do with your support with baby Holen, if that is okay?"

"Of course," Greta nodded.

"I will join you once I've got things going here."

"Yes platon." Greta bowed slightly before leaving and Cara then turned her attention to her sister.

"Lilly, sweetie," she gently shook her sisters shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Lil but I'm going to need you to wake up a bit."

When Lilly just groaned and slowly shook her head from side to side, Cara sat on the bed and tenderly brushed her sweat soaked curls off her forehead. "I know you don't want to but I need to check the baby, Lil."

Eventually, after a little more coaxing, Lilly opened her eyes a slither. "Cara?" She softly whispered.

"Hey, Lil," Cara smiled. "I know you want to sleep but I want to put a trace on the baby's heart beat for a while."

Lilly slowly blinked, her brow furrowed in obvious pain still. "What's wrong?" She finally asked, her hand coming up to rub her temples.

Cara pulled her trolley in closer. "I'm sure everything is just fine," she smiled reassuringly, "but the baby's heart beat was a little fast before we moved you. I just need to check that everything has settled down again. Do you think you could inch up a bit? I need you to change into a front tie gown."

"'kay," Lilly mumbled and slowly pushed herself up in bed and Cara reached over, undid her IV and gently helped her out of her nightgown.

"How is your head?" She asked, tossing the discarded gown onto the end of the bed.

"It hurts," Lilly admitted, easing back against her pillows and closing her eyes.

"No better?"

"No better."

Cara grabbed a new gown and placed it round her sister's shoulders. "Let's just get you into this," she smiled tenderly as she eased Lilly's arms into the gown. "I'll be as quick as I can and then you can go back to sleep."

"'Kay," Lilly sighed and allowed her Cara to dress her, feeling too wiped out to offer much assistance.

Cara then placed her hands on Lilly's abdomen. "Is the baby active?" She asked as she gently palpated her swollen stomach.

"Yes," Lilly's nod was followed by a groan of pain.

"Good. Everything feels fine too," Cara smiled. "Let's get you lying flat so I can have a listen." She moved to one side and helped Lilly down before turning to grab the leads she needed. "I'm just going to thread these under your waist," she told her sister. "You need to lift your hips slightly."

She hated disturbing Lilly like this but she needed to make sure everything was all right. When the leads were in place round Lilly's stomach, Cara turned the power on, knowing that the she could only use the machine for short bursts or she would run the battery down. "Okay, there's the heartbeat, sounds good," she smiled as the trace began to work. "I'll leave this on for a while; see what it tells us, okay?"

Lilly's response was another groan as she placed an arm over her eyes.

"Just try and relax," Cara urged softly.

"Can't. Hurts," Lilly whimpered.

"I know, I know," Cara soothed, taking a seat on the bed again. "Why don't you have some pain relief? I know you don't want to but a small dose of Yenea seed will take the edge off slightly. I have used it many times with pregnant women and have never had any problems. You need to rest and so does your baby, sweetie." She ran her fingers through Lilly's hair as she spoke, hoping that her sister would find comfort from her touch and when she felt Lilly's head nod slightly, giving her permission to administer the medication, she gently kissed her sisters forehead.

"I'll be back in a minute," she promised. "You'll soon feel better."

After reattaching Lilly's IV, she started to make her way out of the room but paused in the doorway when her sister softly called her name.

"Yeah, Lil," she replied as she turned.

"Were ma and pa here?"

"Yes they were."

"Is Ben coming home?"

"Yes, Lilly. Ben's coming home."

"I need him."

"I know you do."

Cara sighed as Lilly started to toss her head from side to side and continue to whimper.

Ben couldn't be home quick enough.

Xxx

STARGATE COMMAND

"So" Conner pointed at the shimmering iris. "I just walk through there and come out on another planet the other side?"

"Exactly," Ben nodded and smiled.

Conner had spent most of the night quizzing his brother and his colleges about the Stargate Programme and he still couldn't believe what was just about to happen.

"Are you sure that it won't hurt?" He frowned as he turned to Ben.

"No it won't," Ben reassured as he double checked his pack. "You will feel disorientated when you first step onto Mandana, but..."

"But, that is why I am coming with you." Carolyn appeared at his side and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You don't need to worry about a thing."

Carolyn had insisted that she and a team of her nurses accompanied Conner on his journey through the gate. She needed to see her job through; she needed to make sure her patient was as comfortable as possible before handing him over to the medics on Mandana.

"If we are worried about your condition in any way you will be spending the night at the hospital in Gowton," Ben nodded. "Actually, Doc," he turned to Carolyn, "I think that will be a good idea anyway. Lilly is obviously still going to be there and at least they will both be in the same place for me to keep an eye on them," he grinned and winked.

"Yes, that's a good idea," Carolyn agreed.

"Okay, you two," Conner sighed. "You are not filling me with much confidence you know."

"You will be just fine," Carolyn patted his arm again. "And, if you're not you have the best Doctors in the universe to make sure you are."

"You see – that's just weird," Conner shook his head stared at the Stargate again. Okay, he could do this. He had faced his cancer full on he could do this – piece of cake. One step.

But, when General Laundry's voice came over the tannoy, telling them that they had a go. Conner felt his knees go weak and was very glad when Carolyn and Ben took his arms and guided him up the ramp.

At the top, he stood and stared into the portal, his legs refusing to move.

"You okay?" He could hear his brother asking him over the roaring in his ears.

"Yeah," he managed to nod.

"Let's go then."

After one more deep breath, Conner closed his eyes and took a huge leap of faith...

He was just about to start the next and final stage of his life and what a stage it was going to be!

Xxx

Ben felt Conner's legs collapse as they stepped on to Mandana. "Easy, easy," he soothed and guided his brother down onto the grass. "Take some deep breaths Con." He knelt in front of him and gently pushed his head between his knees.

"Gah," Conner groaned and Carolyn was quickly at his side.

"Breath Conner, you'll feel better in a moment." She took his wrist and started to take his pulse. "He's a bit shockey," she told Ben and then called over to Dawn. "I need the oxygen please."

Dawn quickly grabbed one of the med bags, sorted through it, and removed the portable canister and mask. "Here you go, Doc," she passed them to Carolyn and then returned to help the team with the rest of the equipment.

General Laundry had sent through some electrical tools with the normal shipment of help. Ben had told Conner that there was no true electrical supply on Mandana and he'd been eager to try and help out, if he was fit enough, although, judging by the sound of his ragged breathing, it might be a while before he'd actually be able to work – if at all.

"Okay, Conner," Carolyn placed the mask over his mouth and then attached it to the oxygen. "Keep taking deep breaths," she urged.

Ben stayed at his brother's side, whispering words of encouragement until Carolyn nodded towards the waiting carts.

"Ben, your family is waiting for you," she smiled.

"They can wait," Ben sighed, concentrating on the condition of his brother.

"I have this," Carolyn reassured. "He's going to be just fine. Go."

"Are you sure?"

When Conner managed to nod and point, Ben reluctantly got to his feet and turned. "Sergi," he smiled and waved in greeting before jogging down the mound.

Sergi met him half way and quickly pulled him in for a hug. "It is good to have you back, Benjamin."

"It is good to be back," Ben returned the hug. "How's Lilly?" He asked and waved at Niall who was clambering down from one of the carts.

"She is not well but is resting comfortably," Sergi nodded as they then both walked back up the mound to help Carolyn and her team. "There was some concern over the baby last night but Cara has assured us that things have settled this morning."

"And Finn, is he alright?"

"He is just fine. I thought it best that he stayed with his Grandmi today as I am sure you will be pre occupied with your wife."

"And my brother." Ben knelt at Conner's side again. "How you doing, buddy?" He asked softly.

"I think he is in need of a hospital bed," Carolyn looked up with a sad smile. "I need to check him over properly."

Ben could hear the concern in her voice and quickly called Niall over.

"Need your help over here, Ni."

Niall quickly jogged up the mound. "Good to see Benny," he greeted.

"You too," Ben smiled. "Can you help us get Conner into the cart – we need to transport him to the hospital."

Of course, no problem." Niall knelt at Conner's other side and between them, they gently helped him to his feet.

"There is no rush," Carolyn stated as they slowly walked him towards the cart. "Take it nice and slow, Conner."

"Oh, where are my manners," Ben suddenly chuckled and tightened his grip on his brother. "Sergi this is my brother – Conner. Conner this is my father in law, Sergi and the lump on your other side is my brother in law and best friend – Niall."

Conner managed to look up and give them a shaky smile, which lessoned Ben's worry about his condition slightly.

But when he groaned and lowered his head again, Ben quickened his pace. "Nice and easy, Con. "We'll soon have you tucked up in a nice comfy bed."

Carolyn and her team quickly passed them, loaded their equipment on the waiting carts and then returned to assist with the patient.

In no time at all, they had him settled and comfortable in the back of Sergi's buggy and were on their way to Gowton.

Ben was feeling anxious, not only about his brother but also about seeing Lilly.

It had been such a long time.

Xxx

"How you doing?"

"Well, that was a wild ride."

"Yeah," Ben smiled and straightened Conner's blankets. His brother was now tucked up in bed with an IV of fluids and a mild sedative running. He'd been wiped out and very dizzy on arrival, almost in and out of consciousness but after a short nap and an hour or so on oxygen, his condition had improved considerably.

"Are you comfortable?"

Conner rested his head back on his pillows and smiled. "I'm fine, Benny – slightly wigged out about everything but taking it all in my stride, well, as best I can."

Ben sighed and then sat on the end of the bed. "I know it's strange but you will love it here. The Mandanans are so lovely; they totally accepted me even though I was an outsider. Their way of life is simple, they live for their families and you'll find things peaceful and calm."

"Well," Conner looked round the ward. "This place looks just like any hospital on Earth. If I hadn't stepped through that gate thing I'd have sworn we were still there."

Ben smiled and nodded. "Well, Lilly and I have worked very hard to make this place what it is," he said with more than a touch of pride in his voice. "Obviously we worked very closely with Stargate Command who provided most of the equipment, but things are just how we planned them now. When I first arrived here their medical facilities were primitive, to say the least. There were no antibiotics, no IV's, no substantial pain relief. If you'd been born here, there is no way you'd have survived a month after an initial diagnosis. People were dying so early from ailments that would be treated with a five day course of antibiotics on Earth. It was really shocking."

"Hell, that's just awful."

"Yes it was, but, things have changed so much now. Now the life expectancy has doubled, babies are being born strong and healthy and we are now looking at introducing preventative medicine as well as ordinary treatments."

"You must be seen as some sort of saviour here, Benny."

"I suppose I was at first," Ben shrugged. "But now, thanks to Earth's training camps we have a very highly qualified and experienced team of specialists. Lilly is a high ranked Doctor, her sister, Cara – who is Niall's wife and you'll meet soon, is the senior mid wife and I keep my hand in where I can under the watchful eye of the Beuner's – the father/son surgeon team."

"You should be very proud."

"I am. We've worked very hard."

They sat in silence for a while, just looking round the ward, watching the Helena's stealthily go about their work.

Ben was just about to start up another conversation when he noticed Conner stifle a yawn in the croak on his arm. "I'm sorry. You're still tired," he rubbed Conner's blanket covered leg. "Get some more sleep."

Conner nodded and then inched down in bed. "Has Carolyn and her gang returned to Earth?" He asked as he snuggled into his covers.

"They are on their way back now. She did come and see you but you were still out of it. She told me to tell you goodbye and wish you luck."

"That's nice of her," Conner yawned again. "She was very kind."

"Yes she was."

"Did you get to see Lilly?" He sighed as he sleepily knuckled his eyes.

"No, not yet. I got you sorted first and then helped Carolyn with the equipment delivery. I've had an update on her condition and she's still resting comfortably and, once you're asleep I'm going to see her."

"What about Finn, aren't you itching to see your boy?"

"Of course I am and, when I am sure my brother and wife are going to be okay, I'll go and give him the biggest hug I can."

"Go now, I'll be fine."

Ben shook his head and pulled up a chair. "Na, I'll go when you're sleeping," he repeated softly.

"I'm fine, just..."

"Go to sleep, Conner."

Conner sighed and then closed his eyes. "You're still so bossy, Benny," he mumbled on the cusp of sleep.

"Get used to it bucko," Ben grinned. "People actually listen to me on this world."

"Weird, this is all way too weird," Conner shook his head slowly and inched down in bed further.

"I know but, it's also very exciting and I just cannot wait to show you my world."

Ben sat at his brother's side and waited for him to fall asleep, knowing that he was the only person that his brother knew here. He didn't want him to be alone. The brothers were in a minority and had to stick together from now on.

Xxx

Ben slowly tip toed up behind his sister in law, who was sitting at maternity nursing station and placed his hands over her eyes. "Guess who?" He whispered into her ear.

Cara immediately turned and beamed. "Benny!" She sprang to her feet and enveloped him in a bone-crushing hug. "I'm so glad your home, we've all missed you so much – especially Lilly and Finn."

"I missed everyone too," Ben returned the hug. "How are your girls?"

"They are doing wonderfully. They've grown so much – you'll hardly recognise them!"

"I can't wait to see them." Ben glanced round the ward, which was full of new mothers, either sleeping or breast feeding their babies. "Where's Lilly?" He asked when he realised that his wife wasn't here.

Cara took his arm. "We moved her in one of the labour rooms," she started to explain as she led him out of the ward.

"What? Why? She's not in labour is she?" Ben's heart began to pound but Cara quickly patted his arm.

"No she's not," she reassured. "It was just too noisy for her on the main ward. She needs peace and quiet, that's all."

Ben sighed in relief and then took a deep breath. "You had me worried then," he smiled.

"I'm sorry; I should have told you straight away." Cara stopped outside the labour room and peaked through the window. "I think she's still sleeping and that's the best thing for her at the moment."

Ben followed her gaze and sighed at the sight of his wife, lying boneless on the bed hooked up to an IV and with a trace monitor round her stomach. "She looks awful."

"She has been pretty sick," Cara agreed. "She refused take any medication for her migraines for a while so they have knocked her around quite a bit. I managed to persuade her to take some herbs last night and her condition is finally improving, thankfully. "

"Why the trace monitor?"

"The baby wasn't too happy; its heart beat was too fast so we're keeping a close eye on things."

"Oh, I see."

"The IV is giving Lilly fluids as she can't keep anything down at the moment but Conrad wants to review it later – maybe try her on water."

Ben continued to watch his wife as she began to move her head restlessly. He should never have left her; he knew that she needed him. "I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner," he turned to Cara and smiled sadly.

"Your place was and is with your brother, we all understand that."

"He's returned with me. I couldn't leave either of them on their own."

"I think you did the right thing," Cara reassured calmly.

"The next few months are going to be hard. I'm not sure that Lilly will agree that it's the right thing to have done," Ben sighed.

"Lilly will be fine. She will just be so pleased to have you back, she has really missed you and struggled on her own – don't tell her I told you that, but she has. Finn too."

Ben turned his attention to the window again. "I'm just glad I'm home now. I need them as much as they need me."

Cara gently rubbed his arm. "I'll leave you two alone now. I'll make sure no one disturbs you. Just call me if you need me, I'm on duty today."

"Aren't you on maternity leave still?"

"There was a bit of an emergency earlier. I am just doing today's shift – luckily ma and pa were more than happy to look after the girls and I do believe your Finn is spoiling them rotten! He is going to be so overjoyed to have his papi home."

"I know," Ben agreed, then turned, and gave his sister in law a peck on the cheek. "Thanks for looking after her," he smiled.

"That is what sisters are for; I am merely repaying the kindness that Lilly has shown me many, many times."

"I'm just glad you have been there for her."

"Go and see your wife," Cara urged softly. "She has been waiting a long time to be with you again."

Ben nodded and then slowly opened the door, feeling almost nervous although he didn't really know why.

Xxx

The band round Lilly's stomach was tight and uncomfortable and doing little to lessen her feeling of nausea.

Thankfully, the pain in her head was not so bad and although she felt slightly disorientated as well as sick she did, on the whole feel better.

Her mouth was pasty and dry and she recognised the side effects of the Yenen seed immediately. Snippets of memories of last night quickly came back to her. Panicking slightly that she had harmed her unborn child by taking the medication, she placed her hand on her stomach but when her movement triggered a strong steady heartbeat to echo round the room, she sighed in relief. Her baby was fine.

She lay and listened to the comforting beat for a while before easing up in bed and reaching over to grab the glass of water off her bedside cabinet. Holding the glass in one hand, she rubbed her stomach with the other and took small sips of water, mindful of not increasing her nausea.

She had no idea where she what time it was or even what day it was, she just felt totally drained was more than happy to rest her head back and close her eyes again.

"You'll spill that."

She must have dozed off for a while because the next thing she knew, someone plucked the glass out of her hand.

"What? Yes, sorry," she mumbled, her eyes still closed.

"You only had to tell me you were thirsty, Lilliput."

She knew that voice.

Only one person ever called her Lilliput.

Turning her head to the sound of the wonderful voice, she slowly opened her eyes.

"B-ben?"

Aqua blue eyes stared lovingly back at her.

"Hey, there, Lilliput."

"You're really here?"

"Yup – I'm really here." Familiar fingers stroked her cheek. Ben was home, her husband was home.

"How are you feeling, my love?"

"I'm fine." Lilly couldn't help but grin from ear to ear – Ben was home.

"Right, yeah," Ben snorted. "If you say so."

"I feel much better now you're here. I've missed you so much," she reached up and caressed his face.

"I've missed you too." Ben leant in and tenderly kissed her before sitting on the bed and taking her into his arms. "I'm never going to leave you again."

Lilly melted into his embrace, resting her weary head on his strong broad shoulders. "Please don't," she sighed. "I cannot cope without you."

"I can see that." Ben shifted slightly so he could hold her more comfortably and tenderly kissed the on top of her head. "I was so worried when you weren't at the check in, and then pa told me how sick you were."

"I'm fine now you are here." Lilly undid one of Ben's shirt buttons and rested her hand over his heart, reassuring herself that he was here and that he was real. "I needed you so much." A sob caught in her throat she spoke and Ben pulled her in closer.

"Well, I'm here now and I'm not going to anywhere without you, ever again."

Lilly lifted her eyes to look at her husband. "Promise?"

"I promise, Lilliput," Ben nodded and kissed her forehead. He then placed his hand on her stomach. "You've got so big," he sighed.

"I know," Lilly chuckled and shifted slightly. "Too big to have this thing round my stomach," she grouched, pulling at the band.

"Hang on." Ben reached across and undid the leads before removing the monitor. He then gently laid his wife down onto the bed. "So much has changed," he sighed as he lay at her side, inched down slightly and then rested his ear against her bump.

Lilly began to run her fingers through his hair and started to relax. "Everything is going to be okay now you are home," she sighed.

"I need to tell Cara that you're awake," Ben echoed the sigh.

"I know," Lilly nodded, "but not now. I just want to enjoy this moment."

Although she still felt unwell, her husband's presence made everything seem so much better – so much brighter.

Ben was home now; he would take care of her...

xxx

Ben stayed at the hospital until he was sure that his wife and brother were comfortably sleeping.

It was now time to surprise his boy.

When Sergi glanced up from the book he was reading Finn, Ben smiled and placed his finger on his lips to alert his father in law that he intended to surprise his boy. Sergi grinned back and carried on with the bedtime story.

"Captain Hook turned to Peter Pan..."

"...And said – 'it's time for all young boys to be sleeping.'"

Finn immediately turned at the sound of his father's voice. "Papi! You're home!" He beamed.

"Just in time," Ben sat on the edge of his son's bed. "I want to know how this story ends." He ruffled his son's hair and then pulled him into his arms.

"I've missed you so much, Finny," he sighed as Finn's arms clung tightly round his neck.

"I've missed you too," Finn sniffed and he tried to bury his face into his father's shoulder. "You were gone such a long time and mami was so sad and so was I."

"Well, I'm home now and I'm never going to leave you again."

Finn pulled out of his arms slightly and stared at his father with eyes full of tears. "You promise?"

"Yes," Ben nipped his nose, "I promise."

Finn sniffed and smiled. "I love you."

"And I you." Ben pulled him in for another hug before turning to his father in law. "Right," he smiled, holding his hand out, "let's see what Captain Hook is up to, hey."

Sergi returned the smile as he passed the book. "He's up to no good, isn't he Finn?"

"Uh huh." Finn fidgeted down in bed his hand still in his father's free hand. "He sent Tinkerbelle away."

"Oh, poor Tinkerbelle." Ben sat back on the bed and took his boy in his arms. "Captain Hook turned to Peter Pan..."

He continued the story with his Finn lying contented in his arms.

Sergi stood and smiled at father and son.

Everything was going to be fine now – he was confident about that.

Ben was home where he belonged


	12. Chapter 12

Ben strolled towards the main ward with a spring in his step. He'd just checked in with Conrad who had assured him that Lilly and Conner had both had a restful night and were fit enough to go home.

After chatting with Sergi about the logistics of the return, he was now on route to give his brother the good news.

Sergi had returned to their cottage to organise the sleeping arrangements for him. Conner needed his own room so his father in law was going to move Finn's belongings into the recently refurbished nursery for a while. They would re think things when the baby arrived but there was no reason that the infant couldn't sleep with him and Lilly.

It was so nice to be looking forward for a while and the sound of laughter coming from behind the curtains drawn around Conner's bed made his heart soar even more.

"I'm not disturbing anything, am I?" He grinned as he poked his head into the cubical.

"No—not at all," Conner hiccupped as he wiped his eyes. "Niall was just telling me all the gossip."

"Oh?" Ben narrowed his eyes accusingly at his brother in law. "And, just what is the gossip, Ni?"

Niall shrugged nochontley. "Oh, you know – this and that." He winked at Conner who burst out laughing again.

"Oh, laugh it up you two," Ben grouched. "Get it out of your systems. I've got all the time in the world but when you have finished I would like to take my family home."

Conner instantly turned his head at his words. "What – I can leave?" He frowned.

"Yup. Conrad is happy with your condition. Your room at the cottage is being prepared as we speak," Ben grinned.

"You mean I'm going to stay at your house?"

"Uh huh."

"I don't have to stay in hospital?"

"Nope. Whatever gave you that idea?"

"I just assumed that would be the case. I mean, you've got Lilly and Finn to care for, I don't want to be a burden."

"Don't be stupid, of course you won't be a burden. Did you really think I'd transport you to another planet just to shut you away in another hospital?"

"See – again. Too, too weird," Conner chuckled with a shake of his head. "I just wasn't sure," he added with a shrug.

"Of course you're coming to live with us," Ben grabbed Conner's holdall from under the bed. "I promised to show you my world and that is exactly what I am going to do, and my best friend in the whole of Mandana is going to help me. Starting by..." he tossed the bag over to Niall who caught it one handed, "...helping you dress and pack while I get my wife ready."

"It will be my pleasure," Niall bowed. "It will give me more time alone with the more sensible Aston brother," he grinned. "I haven't even got round to telling him the whole falling off the roof saga yet."

"Oh, feel free Wenton," Ben returned the bow. "See if I care." Niall was enjoying himself slightly too much but Ben was so grateful he was making such an effort with his brother, not that he doubted for one minute that he wouldn't.

"Have fun boys," Ben then shook his head and rolled his eyes before stepping back through the curtains.

"You mean, my brother – Mr sensible, fell off the roof?"

Ben paused to listen to the banter with a huge smile on his face. He had made the right decision bringing Conner home with him.

He just hoped his wife agreed as well.

Xxx

"You mean, he's here? On Mandana?"

"Yes."

"You bought him back with you?"

"Yes," Ben repeated with a sigh. "Will you please just sit down, Lilly?" He then tugged on his wife's sleeve as she continued to pace up and down the room. "You are getting yourself all worked up and you'll end up back in that bed."

Lilly hadn't taken the news of Conner's arrival well. Not that she was angry at all; it was more that she was nervous.

"Where will he sleep?" She continued as if Ben hadn't spoken. "I mean, there is little enough space for us let alone someone who will need constant medical care."

"Your father is moving Finn's things into the nursery as we speak..."

"Oh, Finn will not like that!"

"Finn will be just fine," Ben stood and gently grabbed Lilly by the shoulders and turned her to face him. "I cannot leave my brother here alone," he sighed, brushing her hair from her eyes. "I need him with me, he is my family."

"I know that, but I wish you had given me more notice. The beds will need stripping..."

"It is all in hand."

"And what about food? What will he eat? I mean, can he eat – is he well enough?"

"He is doing well at the moment and will not expect any different treatment to any other house guest we have had, please just calm down." He placed his hand on her stomach. "You are not doing yourself or the baby any good by getting so worked up. We will take things one day at a time. Everything will be just fine, I promise." When Lilly sagged slightly in response, he gently took her into his arms.

"I know it's not going to be easy," he soothed as he rubbed her back. "But, we will manage – you'll see. I've promised my brother that I will show him my world and you and Finn are my world."

"I know," Lilly sighed, resting her head on his shoulder.

"You'll love him, I promise. He's a good man."

"I am sure he is," Lilly nodded. "It's just..."

"A shock?"

"Yes, I just didn't think that you would be able to bring him here. I thought that Earth had strict secrecy laws."

"Well, they do," Ben sighed. "But because," he paused and cleared his throat, feeling emotional all of a sudden. "Because he is d-dying, those laws do not stand, under the circumstances."

Lilly quickly pulled out of the embrace and reached to caress his face. "I am so sorry," she smiled sadly. "I know this must be so hard for you."

"Harder for Conner," Ben informed sadly. "But he is coping so well and we need to be equally as strong. We can do that can't we?" He carded his fingers through Lilly's loose curls.

"Of course we can," she reassured before tenderly kissing him.

Ben closed his eyes and lost himself in the moment, relishing the familiarity of the action. He had dreamt of this kiss for a long, long time.

When Lilly finally pulled away, it took him all his will power not to pull her in his arms again but, looking at the lines of pain that still remained around his wife's eyes, he needed to get her home and back into bed again.

"Have you got everything, Lilliput?" He asked, grabbing her holdall off the end of the bed.

Lilly glanced round the room and slowly nodded her head. "I think so."

Ben then took her arm. "Let's go home shall we?" He smiled as he led her out of the room.

"Yes, let's," Lilly agreed and gratefully allowed herself to be supported by the familiar strong, safe arms.

Home sounded good.

Xxx

"Mami – Papi?"

Finn ran excitably into the kitchen, closely followed by Sergi and Hanah.

"Hey buddy," Ben greeted as he immediately took him in his arms.

"Where's Mami?" Finn searched the room for his mother.

"Shh," Ben jiggled him slightly as he crossed to the open lounge door. "Mami is sleeping," he nodded towards the sofa where Lilly lay fast asleep.

"How is she?"

Ben turned and smiled at Hanah when he felt her hand on his shoulder. "Tired more than anything," he told her. "Much like my brother," he cocked his head towards the armchair by the roaring fire where Conner slept.

"Is that your brother, Papi?" Finn asked as he rested his head on his father's shoulder before starting to suck his thumb. It was now early evening and his boy was obviously as tired as the rest of the Ashton family.

"Yes, that is your Uncle Conner and he is going to be staying with us for a while. That's alright with you, isn't it?"

"Uh huh," Finn mumbled sleepily.

"Why don't you get Finn settled?" Hanah then suggested softly. "He struggled to stay awake on our journey over. Sergi will watch over Lilly and Conner and I will heat up the stew that I bought for your supper. Finn ate with us."

Ben nodded with a smile and then gently kissed Finn's forehead. "That sounds a great idea," he agreed when he realised that Finn was practically asleep in his arms. "I won't be long."

"Take your time, we will be fine," Hanah patted his arm and Ben bent down and kissed her cheek.

"I have missed you," he whispered sincerely.

"And we have missed you," Hanah smiled. "Now – go, put your son to bed. Your supper will not prepare itself, Platon Ashton."

"Thank you."

Ben gave one more glance at the sleeping duo and then carefully carried his sleeping son up to bed.

His family was just where they should be.

Xxx

"Do you need anything else?" Ben asked Conner as he dimmed his bedside lamp. Both Lilly and Conner had woken up enough to enjoy Hanah's stew before literally crawling up the stairs to bed.

Ben had been so pleased to see his brother and wife giggling like naughty school kids round the supper table, having instantly finding that they had much in common – mainly teasing Ben about various misdemeanours, but that hadn't bothered him, as long as they got on.

Lilly was checking on Finn and Ben had just helped Conner with his nighttime med regime.

"No, I think I've got everything I need," Conner smiled as he inched down in bed.

"There's water on the table and I'm only next door so holler if you need me." Ben drew the curtains and grabbed Finn's Barney bear off his toy box. "Sorry the decor is, um..."

"Child like," Conner grinned, looking round at the cartoon trains that adorned the walls.

"Well, yup – I suppose so," Ben grinned back.

"It's nice," Conner sighed. "If a bit..."

"Weird?" Ben suggested with a shrug.

"There's that word again," Conner chuckled. "Everything about the last couple of days is so, so weird."

"You'll get used to it..."

"Ah, but – I'm not sure I will. Here I am, on another planet, in another universe surrounded by Thomas the Tank Engine! That's something I never thought I would say out loud!"

Ben laughed and picked up his lamp. "Well – it's great to have you here, as weird as it is," he reassured as he crossed the room. "Sleep well; we're just next door so..."

"Holler if I need anything, I've got it. Nite Benny."

"Nite Con."

Ben turned and watched his brother turn onto his side and smiled to himself. Conner had been right – everything about the past few days was weird but at the same time perfect, just perfect.

Xxx

Ben quietly changed and slipped into bed. Lilly lay, curled on her side with her back to him and he gently wrapped his arms around her.

"Are you awake Lilly?" He asked, softly stroking her bump.

Lilly nodded and slowly turned to face him. "Hey," she smiled and reached to stroke his face. "How is Conner?" She asked, tracing the outline of his eyes with her fingers.

"He's fine, sleeping like a baby," Ben grinned.

"I am glad."

"Did Finn settle down okay?"

"He is fine."

"And you? - how are you, Lilly Aston?"

"I am glad to be in the arms of my husband."

"And your husband is glad to have you in his arms."

"I have missed you so very much." Lilly was helpless to stop tears filling her eyes as she continued to stare into her husband's eyes.

"I have missed you too," Ben reached and wiped away the first tear that fell. "Shh, its okay, Lilliput," he soothed. "Please don't cry – I'm home now, everything will be alright, you'll see."

"Please don't leave me again," Lilly began to cry. "I do not function without you."

"Of course you do," Ben took her in his arms and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I could not even cope with our son," Lilly continued to sob. "I had to move in with my parents, I couldn't do the simplest thing like looking after our Finny."

"Oh, Lilly. Don't do this," Ben tightened his hold on his upset wife. "You were sick. You did the best you could. I should have been at your side. I should have never left you."

"Your brother needed you."

"I know," Ben sighed. "It was an impossible situation but I'm home now, my family is home and I will never leave you again. Please Lilly, you need to relax, you'll make yourself ill again."

"I'm so t-tired," Lilly admitted softly.

"I know you are, I'm here now – you can sleep." Ben gently rocked her and she sank in his embrace willingly, knowing that everything was going to be all right now her husband was home.

Within minutes, she had surrendered to her exhaustion and Ben was content to hold her as he soon followed her into slumber.

Xxx

Ben had insisted that the Ashton family all rested for the rest of the week.

Conner was exhausted, Lilly was still plagued by headaches and both had been more than happy to lounge around either chatting, reading or sleeping.

Finn had been Ben's priority and he had made sure he'd taken him and picked him up from school. He had almost forgotten what normal family life was like and the simple things – like packing Finn's lunch for him had filled his heart with joy as strange as it seemed.

The Ashton house had been filled with a long stream of visitors, which Ben had controlled as much as he can to make sure his patients rested but had been thrilled to see everyone.

Cara had been right; her girls had grown so much! His sister in law seemed to be relishing motherhood and Ben had never seen her so happy. Niall, of course, was every inch the proud father who was at his wife's beck and call at all time, much to Ben's hilarity. It was very amusing to see the young farmer so under the thumb!

Ben had invited Conrad and his family to supper half way through the week, taking the opportunity to catch up with things that had happened at the hospital and was grateful and pleased to learn that everything was running like clockwork. His team had come along way.

So, overall, everyone had relaxed into some sort of routine but the time had come to show his brother his world.

Ben had made an early start to see to his chores and was hitching Hector to his buggy while Lilly packed the brothers some lunch.

Luckily, there was a break in the storming weather today; although Ben was not taking any chances and was making sure they had everything they needed if there was a change and was just securing the canvas when his brother called his name.

He looked up and returned the wave Conner gave him. "You ready, Con?" He asked.

Conner strolled over with a basket in his hand. "Shall I put this in the back?"

Ben jumped down and wiped his dirty hands on his trousers. "What is it?" He asked, peering into the basket.

"Lilly said that it's some sort of cake that Finn has made us especially," Conner smiled as he passed the basket over.

"Oh, yum," Ben grinned, stowing the treat into the back of the cart before turning to inspect his brother. "Are you sure you're up to this?" He asked, taking in Conner's pale complexion and the dark shadows under his eyes.

"I'm fine," Conner reassured him. "I'm looking forward to getting out actually. As nice as your cosy cottage is some fresh air will do me good."

"As long as you're not too tired."

"I'm not."

"Good," Ben patted Conner's arm and then turned to fasten Hectors reigns.

"So," Conner mused as he stroked the horse, "this is the chosen mode of transport here."

"Yup," Ben tightened the strap. "Like I said, it's very primitive on this planet. There is no infrastructure on Mandana – horse and carts provide the transportation needed. No one is in any hurry which is a good thing and I must say that I find the journey into work very relaxing indeed."

"It's like stepping back in time almost one hundred years," Conner nodded as he followed his brother round the cart. "How do you deal with the fact that you know that Earth advancements would improve things?"

"I'm not sure they would," Ben smiled. "I don't miss Earth technology, okay – maybe I miss my car, the TV, my C/D collection, computer, the ability to cook without starting a fire, hot water straight from a tap..."

"Anything electrical then."

Ben nodded with a chuckle. "Yeah, I suppose you're right," he conceded.

"Have you asked for the guys back on Earth to help you with that?"

"Honestly? I don't want to rush things. The Mandana's are just getting used to medical advancements – I'm loathed to bombard them with anything else for a while. I don't want them to think I'm trying to take over, they're happy as they are and we have plenty of time to help with growth."

Conner stood and surveyed the countryside for a while. "Well," he smiled. "I can see they have most things in hand, their crops look plentiful so they obviously know how to look after themselves."

"Processed food is something I do _not_ miss from Earth," Ben nodded and then gave Hector's straps on more tug to make sure they were secure before bowing. "Your chariot awaits, my lord," he offered Conner a hand and helped him aboard.

"Why thank you," Conner grinned as Ben grabbed a blanket and tucked it round his legs.

"I'm just gonna say goodbye to my wife and we'll be on our way."

"Sounds like a plan."

Ben stepped down, crossed to the courtyard, and smiled at Lilly when she appeared in the doorway with a large basket in her hand. After jogging the last few feet he took the basket off her and kissed her cheek.

"We won't be long, Lil," he promised.

"Just have fun," Lilly smiled, wrapping her shawl tighter round her when the wind whipped up slightly. "Be mindful of the weather."

"I will," Ben nodded. "Get in the warm Lilly and make sure you rest. Niall is fetching Finn so you have the day to put your feet up and get some sleep."

Lilly nipped in for a quick kiss. "Yes Platon," she grinned. "Go careful."

"We will."

Ben gave her one more kiss and then jogged back to the cart.

It was time to show his brother his world.

Xxx

"Everything is fine with the baby," Cara smiled and pulled Lilly's blouse down. "How are you feeling," she asked as she helped Lilly sit up.

"Much better," Lilly smiled and fastened her buttons again.

"Any headaches?"

"Occasionally," Lilly nodded, "but I feel so, so much better."

"Well, I still want you to rest as much as possible and avoid stress."

"Yes, Platon," Lilly giggled and reached for her cup of tea.

"I mean it Lilly," Cara scolded as she packed her equipment away. "I don't want to see you back in my maternity wing."

Lilly rested back on the sofa and nodded. "And I don't want to go back to your maternity wing thank you very much," she agreed. "You need to do something about your main ward; it's not easy to rest with so much noise you know."

Cara rolled her eyes, picked up her tea and relaxed next to her sister. "I will look into it Platon Ashton," she sighed before taking a sip of her drink.

"Good," Lilly grinned and both girls sat side by side, staring at the fire that danced in the fireplace.

"So," Cara broke the silence. "I'm sure it's good to have Ben home," she turned and smiled.

"It is," Lilly nodded. "It seemed as if he had been away forever," she signed and rested her head back against the sofa. "Finn has been overjoyed to spend quality time with his papi. I'm so proud of my boy; he has been so grown up through all of this."

"Yes he has," Cara agreed. "He is a special little boy."

"He is a very excited little boy too," Lilly rubbed her stomach. "He cannot wait to be a big brother."

"Well, he'll have to wait another month or so," Cara placed her hand on top of Lilly's. "This little one is happy where it is at the moment."

"Yes it is," Lilly agreed and then turned her head to face her sister. "How are you doing, Car?" She asked. "We haven't talked for such a long time. Are you coping with your girls?"

"They are wonderful," Cara gushed. "I can see their personalities change day by day. Sophie is so laid back, nothing seems to upset her but Rachael – well Rachael is demanding to say the least but so bright."

Lilly watched her sister glow as she talked about her daughters. She was so happy for her.

"Mind you, they both have Niall running after them. My husband is almost as childish as they are. My house is full of toys he has supposedly made for them but I do believe they are more for him than the girls."

"He is a wonderful father."

"Sometimes I struggle to have my own time with them though. Niall just hangs on their every cry. Take today for example. He knew I was coming here so insisted that he took the girls out after preparing supper for us all later, I do believe he is a better homemaker than I am."

Lilly chuckled and patted her sisters' hand. "The novelty will wear off soon, you'll see. Enjoy it while you can," she yawned.

Cara sighed and then plucked the cup out of Lilly's hand. "Come on," she held her hand out. "You need to rest."

Lilly rolled her eyes but accepted the help her sister offered. "I am sleepy," she reluctantly agreed.

"Bed for you then," Cara gently pulled her to her feet. "Niall is fetching Finn and we have supper in hand. You have time for a sleep before the gang return."

"Thank you," Lilly smiled, kissed Cara on the cheek and then staggered off to bed.

Cara watched her go and then started to clear things away, happy to feel useful in one household at least!

Xxx

"Quickly close the door," Cara tutted when Ben and Conner entered the kitchen, the wind blowing in the sheet rain that had started an hour ago. "You are soaked through," she sighed, helping Conner with his sodden coat. "Sit down; I have a hot drink ready for you."

"Where's Lilly?" Ben asked, glancing round the room as he hung his dripping coat on the back of the door.

"She is sleeping," Cara told him and hung Conner's coat over a chair as Conner took a seat.

"Is she alright?"

"She is just fine," Cara handed Conner a cup of tea. "Just tired. Sit down, Benjamin Ashton – drink your tea."

Ben did as he was told, exchanging a grin with his brother. They'd had a wonderful day. Conner had been well enough to enjoy a stroll around Gowton and they'd relaxed on the shore of lake Penten as they chatted and ate the wonderful picnic Lilly had provided. Conner had been amazed at how similar Mandana was to Earth, only the twin suns provided any proof that he was on a different planet.

He had been so touched by the warm welcome he had received everywhere they visited, from the miners in the mine to the tutors at the small school. No one questioned where he'd come from or showed any displeasure in his presence. He was made to feel at home.

The journey home had been a quick one though as the weather had begun to close in. They had managed to out run the storm that was now raging outside, only getting caught in the downpour that greeted them as they pulled into the courtyard.

Both men were tired, Conner more so than Ben but, were really looking forward to the stew that Cara was stirring. It smelt wonderful.

"Are you eating with us, Car?" Ben asked, placing his empty cup on the table.

"Yes we are," Cara nodded and refilled his cup.

"We?"

"Niall is in your book room. He and Finn are reading a book to Sophie and Rachael."

"Lucky girls," Ben chuckled.

"I am not sure who is enjoying it more," Cara admitted with a sigh, "but if they do not hurry supper will be spoiled." She filled Conner's cup, wiped her hands on her apron and went in search of the others, patting Lilly on her arm when she walked slowly into the kitchen.

Ben looked up and smiled. "Hey Lil," he greeted. "Good sleep?" He asked, taking in her crumpled appearance.

"Umm," Lilly nodded and yawned as she crossed to the sink. "Did you boys have a good day?" She asked, pumping some water into a cup.

"We had a great day," Conner beamed. "Your world is so beautiful Lilly."

"Thank you," Lilly smiled, taking a seat at her husband's side. "It is small compared to your world but it is home to us, isn't it Ben?" She turned to Ben.

"Yes it is," Ben agreed, reaching to tuck Lilly's curls behind her ears. "You okay?" He asked softly as Lilly then rubbed her temples.

"I'm fine," she quickly dropped her hand and reassured.

"Headache?"

"A slight one," Lilly admitted and took another sip of water. "I will be fine," she reassured. "So," she then turned to her brother in law. "Tell me of your day, Conner Ashton. Where did you go, what did you see, and who did you meet?"

Soon the kitchen was full of exciting chatter as the rest of the family joined in with the recalling of the day's events.

Ben jiggled Finn on his knee. Cara fed Sophie, Niall winded Rachael and Lilly sat back, rubbing her stomach.

Conner watched them all with a smile on his face, hiding the sadness he felt. These special people had such a wonderful future ahead of them and he knew time was slowly running out for him. He had wasted so much time.

He envied his brother so very much.

Life was cruel.


	13. Chapter 13

Conner Ashton soon relaxed into the Mandana way of life over the next few weeks. Ben and Lilly returned to work and he made himself useful by helping around the small dwelling. He thoroughly enjoyed tending to the animals and doing odd jobs to repay his brothers hospitality.

Of course, there were days when he had been too exhausted to get out of bed but even those days had been happy ones as Finn would love to snuggle with his uncle and read books.

He felt more alive than he had for a very long time and there were days that he had forgotten he was ill at all!

Now and then the aches and pains caught up with him but he knew that an increase in his medication dosage would help. Ben, of course monitored his condition closely-bordering on being obsessive sometimes and Conner had had to hide the fact that he needed a stronger dose from him as he knew his brother would fuss too much.

It was a balancing act. Conner really wanted to enjoy the new family life he'd found, he wanted to spend special times with his brother and have fun with Finn – the odd extra tablet here and there didn't hurt.

Today had been a good day so far but things were about to change.

Today he and Niall were designing an extension at Wenton farm.

"Right," Niall smoothed the large piece of paper they had placed on Lilly's kitchen table and picked up a pencil. "I think that if we," he marked a spot on the left hand corner. "Start here and then fence in here," he drew a line across the paper. "We can plant trees here and may be some extra crops here." He placed his pencil down and turned to Conner. "What do you think, Con?" He asked but paused and watched his new friend as he rubbed his stomach, obviously in pain.

"Are you alright?" He asked, placing a hand on Conner's knee.

Conner snapped his head up. "What?" He asked.

"You look like you're in pain."

"No, no – I'm fine," he reassured and quickly dropped his hand.

"Are you sure?"

Conner wanted to admit that he was really in pain, that his stomach was cramping and that he felt sick and weak but didn't want to worry his friend as he knew Niall would fetch his brother. He was so enjoying having a purpose and something to aim for so he straightened up and grabbed the pencil.

"How about," he smiled at Niall. "We have some sort of storage here," he suggested and the two men soon lost themselves in their plans.

Conner was glad he had something to take his mind off his increasing feeling of illness and although he felt guilty about hiding his condition from Niall, he knew he'd made the right decision.

xxx

"Good morning." Lilly turned and smiled at Conner as he slowly sat at the kitchen table. "Did you sleep well?" She asked as she continued to stir her pot of porridge.

It was another early start in the Ashton household. Ben was seeing to the animals as Finn collected all his things together for school and Lilly started breakfast. Both platon's had long shifts at the hospital today and were going to take Conner over to Cara and Niall's for the day as he'd promised Niall that he'd show him how to build a new paddock for his horses. It was going to be a day of normality for everyone but, as Lilly turned to place a bowl of hot porridge in front of her brother in law, she took in his pale face and twin fever spots and knew that all plans would be going out of the window.

"You do not look well." Her hand immediately went to his forehead. "My goodness Conner – you are really hot," she sighed when she registered the heat under her fingers.

"I'm not feeling the best," Conner admitted, placing his head in his hands.

Lilly took a seat at his side and started to take his pulse. "How long have you been feeling like this?" She asked concern lacing her tone as she realised his heart was racing.

"Crappy headache woke me in the middle of the night and I've been kinda been tossing and turning ever since. It happens alot," Conner shrugged and turned to face her with a sad smile on his face.

Lilly felt the lymph nodes in his neck and then placed her hand on his forehead again. "What do you usually do when this happens?" She asked softly.

"Go to bed, stay in bed, increase fluids and take antibiotics," Conner sighed.

Lilly patted his knee. "Well – I think you have things in hand," she smiled. "Go back to bed and I'll bring you some medication."

Conner sighed again and then pushed up out of the chair. "Sorry about this, Lilly – I know you have alot planned today."

"It's okay," Lilly stood and rubbed his arm. "Nothing that cannot be re arranged. Go back to bed, Conner Ashton," she smiled kindly and then watched the sick man shuffle out of the kitchen.

She knew things had been going too well.

Xxx

Ben glanced up at the sky. Dark, rain filled clouds were rolling in fast and joined the wind that had wiped up from nowhere as sure signs that another autumnal storm was on the way. He needed to make sure the paddocks were secure for the day to give the animals some sort of shelter from the rain, so he placed his pitchfork down and made his way across the yard, waving at Lilly when he spotted her hurrying towards the chicken coup to collect the day's eggs.

"I was going to do that," he called.

"I saw the weather was drawing in," Lilly smiled. "I thought you needed a hand."

"Yeah there is quite a storm is on the horizon." Ben reached to close the wooden paddock gate as it blew in the wind. "I don't think Conner and Niall are going to get much done today."

Lilly looked up from her egg collecting. "Conner has gone back to bed. He is not feeling well."

Ben fastened the gate and then quickly joined his wife at the coup. "Oh?" He asked, accepting the basket off Lilly.

"He had a bad night and is running a fever. He says that this happens often and he has to rest and take some antibiotics." Lilly straightened and placed an egg in the basket. "I will stay at home with him today," she said and wiped her hands on her apron. "I do not like to think of him being on his own."

Ben shook his head. "I'll stay," he insisted. "It's your last shift today Lils – I think they have a little celebration planned for you. I only have a drop in clinic, which Anton is more than capable of running. I'll stay."

"I do not mind," Lilly shrugged as she closed the coup.

"I know you don't," Ben took her hand "but my place is with Conner and I don't want you to miss all the fun." He knew that Hanah had baked a special cake and that the Helena's had been busy preparing a gift basket for the baby and Lilly's office had been decorated especially for her send off. "It will be nice to spend the day with my brother," he smiled as they crossed the courtyard, hand in hand.

"I am not sure he will be that much company," Lilly sighed and Ben stopped and frowned. "How unwell is he?" He turned and asked with a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. These past few weeks had been so wonderful and he'd almost forgotten how sick his brother truly was.

"His fever is high," Lilly nodded slowly. "I was on my way to tend to him when I noticed how dark it had become," she shivered slightly as the rain began to fall.

"Let's get inside." Ben then quickly led the way towards the cottage and into the dry. "I'll check on Conner."

Xxx

"He's sleeping."

Ben reached for the coffee pot and filled his mug.

"How high is his fever?" Lilly asked as she helped Finn into his raincoat.

"Pretty high but he seems peaceful enough so I thought I'd let him sleep on for a while before disturbing him." Ben sighed as he sat at the table.

"Do you need me to bring medication back from the hospital tonight?" Lilly knelt and buttoned up Finn's coat and then reached for his backpack.

Ben thought for a moment before answering. "Actually – it might be an idea to have some heavy duty antibiotics and fluids on standby," he admitted with a heavy heart, knowing that his brother could get very, very sick very quickly. "A box of Foleys and some Morphine as well."

Lilly frowned as she struggled in her coat. "You don't think he is that bad do you?"

"It's best to be prepared, Lil's," Ben looked up and gave his wife a sad smile. "I'm sure he'll probably wake up and be bounding about again but I'd rather have everything a hand, just in case."

"Okay," Lilly flashed him a reassuring smile and then grabbed her bag. "Right Finny Ashton," she turned to her son and pulled his hood up. "Are you ready young man?"

"Yup Mami," Finn grinned, his eyes half hidden by his hood.

"Hey! What about my kiss?" Ben stood and tugged his son's arm and Finn immediately turned and gave his papi a hug.

"Have a great day sport." Ben picked him up and kissed his cheek. "How about you draw Uncle Conner a nice picture to cheer him up?"

"Will do, papi," Finn clambered down and took his mother's hand. "And I'll do you one too cause you are sad 'cause Uncle Conner is poorly."

"I sure am," Ben agreed and then gently kissed his wife. "Don't overdo things," he said as he stroked her bump. "Just enjoy your day – go carefully in this weather and don't worry about supper I'll see to everything."

Lilly leaned in and softly kissed him again before suddenly realising how late it was getting. "Goodness, Finn – we had best get on our way or we will be late for school." She reached for the door latch and then turned to Ben again. "I will get word to Niall that Conner will not be joining him today," she added before quickly hurrying out of the door.

Ben crossed to the window to wave them off – it was raining hard now, the streams of water cascading down the window distorted his view and he was in two minds whether to call them back when thunder rumbled round the vale but Lilly turned and smiled broadly at him as Finn giggled at her side.

He knew Lilly was used to the changes in the seasons but it didn't stop him worrying about them and, as they drew out of the courtyard, he reluctantly returned their wave of farewell.

After standing and watching until the cart was a mere blip on the horizon, he took a deep breath.

It was time to get some medication into his brother.

Xxx

Conner lay and listened to the soft chattering that came from the kitchen. He felt the normality of the day almost relaxing and calming – everyday life went on as he struggled to battle with his own.

He knew he should have told Ben that he'd been beginning to feel ill; he knew that he'd hid his symptoms from him, his growing exhaustion, his aching limbs and his tight chest. To deny the inevitable was to pretend it wasn't happening but he knew time was no longer on his side as much as he truly wanted it to be.

Finn's giggle of joy as he splashed in the puddles and Lilly's soft laugh made him smile. He just wished he'd have the strength to sit up and watch them from the window but he felt so incredibly weak so let the sounds wash over him as he closed his eyes.

At least he was going to be on his own today, he could cope better on his own. He didn't want anyones pity, anyones over bearing smothering. Solitude had been his way of life for years now – he had coped with everything that God threw him on his own from his parent's death to his own encroaching passing. It was best this way.

He wasn't afraid of dying anymore. He had tied up all of his loose threads and had found a peace that he didn't think was possible. He had no regrets.

Drifting off he dreamt of summers days and childhood – happy memories, ones to treasure and recall. Carefree days of pure joy – of being alive! If God claimed him right now, he would leave a truly contented man.

Xxx

Ben grabbed his medical bag from his bedroom and then gently knocked on Conner's door. Not expecting an answer, he nudged the door open with his foot, then placed his tray on Finn's toy chest, and crossed to the bed where he was surprised to find his brother lying on his back with a smile on his face as he slept.

He slowly sat on the bed and opened his bag, one eye on Conner's chest, visually noting the shallow rapid rise and fall. Pursing his lips in concern, he inserted a thermometer into his ear, softly soothed his brother when he stirred slightly and then waited for the bleep. Conner looked so peaceful as he slept but the heat under the hand Ben placed on his forehead told another story and the confirmation of a fever of 103.8 made his heart sink. He reached for a glass of water and medication off the tray.

"Con, time to take some meds." Ben gently shook Conner's shoulder. "You're burning up buddy. I've got some Tylenol to help."

He watched as Conner frowned, wriggled his nose and licked his lips before managing to open his eyes. "Thought you'd gone," the sick man mumbled after clearing his throat.

Ben shook his head. "Nah, thought I'd keep you company today," he smiled softly as he pressed out two Tylenol. "Did you take all your meds this morning?" He asked, inching closer to help his brother take the fever reducers.

"Yeah," Conner sighed as he tried to push himself up slightly but Ben smiled and shook his head again.

"I've got this," he told him and gently lifted his head off the pillow, popped the tablets in his mouth, and helped him sip some water.

"Thanks," Conner returned the smile as his head was just as gently lowered back onto the pillow.

Ben then continued his examination. "How long have you been feeling like this?" He asked, palpating Conner's lymph nodes.

Conner snorted. "God Benny, I've been sick for bloody years – this is nothing new to me buddy."

"Humour me, Con." Ben reached for his stethoscope. "You know what I mean – how long have you had this fever?" He asked, rubbing the bell end to make sure it was warm before he used it.

"Couple of days, on and off," Conner sighed in admission. "Comes and goes. Has done for years. Just one of those little blips I told you about Benny. Nothing serious."

"Um..." Ben undid Conner's pyjama top and started to listen to his chest.

Conner closed his eyes to the inevitable.

"I'm just going to sit you up and listen to your back." Ben gently levered Conner into a sitting position and sighed when his brother's head flopped onto his shoulder. After clearing the lump of emotion that formed in this throat, he carefully removed Conner's top. "I think you're a bit warm with this one," he said and then reached for his stethoscope again. "Can you try and take some deep breaths for me Con?" He asked and when Conner started to cough as he attempted a shallow one, Ben had all the answers he needed and lowered him back onto the bed again.

"Chest infection?" Conner asked when he was capable of taking a breath.

"Chest infection," Ben nodded in confirmation as he helped Conner take another sip of water.

"Bronchitis?"

Ben placed the glass back on the tray and reached for some antibiotics. "More like pneumonia, I'm afraid buddy," he sighed and tipped out a couple of capsules into his hand.

"Ah – Pneumonia," Conner sighed with a smile on his face as he closed his eyes. "This will be round number six with the bitch," he grouched sarcastically.

"So you know the routine." Ben grabbed the water again. "Antibiotics for you – capsules now but Lilly is going to bring some of the strong ones and a nice IV and fluids back with her tonight. I'll have oxygen on standby if needed as well."

He went to place a hand under Conner's neck but his brother slowly shook his head from side to side.

"No antibiotic's Ben," he said and then tightly pursed his lips together.

"Don't be silly, you need them..."

"No antibiotic's Ben," Conner repeated slowly and softly, punctuating each word.

"You need them..."

"No I don't," Conner turned his head, opened his eyes and smiled gently.

"Yes you do."

"I'm tired Benny."

"Because you're sick. You need to take these," Ben persevered although he knew exactly what his brother was doing. "I know you're tired but we'll soon have you feeling better..."

"I don't want to feel better," Conner reached out and placed a shaking hand over Ben's hand. "It's time Benny," he whispered.

"No..."

"Yes. Please do this for me – for the first time in years I'm happy. Please let me d—die happy."

"I can't do that," Ben fervently shook his head. "It goes against all my ethics and teaching..."

"Please, I've had enough. I've fought so very hard and I'm tired down to my soul. Let me go Benny. Look at me," Conner reached up and gently tipped Ben's chin so he looked him straight in the eye. "It's time for me to sleep."

"I d-don't w-want you to go," Ben couldn't help the tears that began to fall. "I've only j-just found you again."

"I know but I'm too tired to fight anymore. Please – I'm ready to go now, I've found my peace."

Ben searched his brother's face for reason but when he found a steely determination on his too pale features, he sighed in defeat, turned Conner's palm over, and gently kissed it. "I love you," he murmured softly.

"And I love you," Conner smiled and stroked his brothers face.

"I'll make you as comfortable as possible," Ben nodded slowly as he capitulated to the soul deep pleading he saw in his brother's eyes.

"Thank you."

"Your infection is a bad one."

"I know."

"It's in both lungs."

"I know," Conner sighed.

"Without treatment you may not survive the night."

"I know." Conner's response was soft and full of emotion.

The brothers sat in silence for a while, neither breaking eye contact as the thunder rumbled in the distance and forked lightening lit up the dull room.

When Conner's eyes finally began to flutter shut, Ben gently lowered his brother's arm back on to the bed and pulled a sheet up over his chest.

"Sleep. I will be right here," he whispered and tenderly kissed his forehead. "I promise you will not be alone anymore," he added, his voice breaking with emotion and then pulled up a chair, placed his brother's hand in his and started his vigil.

xxx

Lilly slowly unwrapped her final gift, started to grin and then held up the stuffed bear for all her friends to see. "Oh Alison, he's lovely." She cuddled the soft toy. "Bubba will just love it, thank you."

"Well I made Finn his Barney so mini Ashton number two had to have one to match." Alison Crowley, pharmacy technician held her glass of wine up in salute.

"You are so talented," Lilly gushed as she placed the bear on top of the pile of gifts she'd received at the end of her shift. "I know Cara's girls adore their bears. You should go into business," she held up her glass of juice to return her friends salute.

"They are all made with love," Alison nodded.

"And they are loved in return," Lilly smiled, drained her glass and pushed up out of her chair – massaging the ache in her lower back as she stood. "I just want to thank you all so very much," she smiled at the group of staff who had joined in her office; "Ben, Finn and I are so grateful and touched by your generosity. Our child is so blessed by your gifts."

Platon Beuner senior stood and cleared his throat. "You will be missed very much Lilly," he smiled and grabbed Lilly's hand. "Make sure you get as much rest as you can and please get word to us when young Ashton makes an appearance."

"Of course." Lilly squeezed his hand and then pulled him in for a hug. "Thank you for my party," she whispered into his ear.

"You are very welcome," Conrad replied sincerely.

Lilly then pushed out of his embrace and grabbed her coat. "Well – I must be going," she sighed. "My boy will be waiting for his mami."

As Conrad packed her gifts in a box for her, Lilly then went round the room giving personel thanks to her friends, feeling tears spring into her eyes at their kindness.

She would miss them all so much.

Finally, when all goodbyes had been said, Conrad escorted her to her cart. "Anton has prepared the medication you required," he told her as he stowed her gift box into the back. "Everything you requested has been delivered and is here for you," he indicated towards the large black container at the back of the cart and then turned and held his hand out towards his friend.

"I take it that young Conner is not doing so well at the moment," he stated as he helped Lilly climb aboard.

Lilly took the reins and halted her restless horse. "He was running a fever when I left this morning but Ben was not too concerned. This is just a precaution as Ben does not have a shift for a few days."

Conrad stroked Clancy as the horse shook his head impatiently. "Well – you do know that if he needs to be in hospital we are just a short distance," he told her as the horse quietened.

"We know," Lilly smiled, "but I am sure he is going to be fine – like I said, Ben was not overly concerned."

"Good," Conrad nodded and then patted Clancy. "You had best be on your way, Lilly," he smiled. "Before it starts to rain again."

"Indeed," Lilly agreed and then clicked Clancy on. "Thank you again," she called as she started her journey towards Finn's school.

"Make sure you rest young lady," Conrad called back as he waved her off.

"I will!" Lilly promised and, with one final look over her shoulder, urged Clancy on down the lane, knowing that it would be a long time before she returned to work at the hospital and felt a pang of sadness. She loved her job so much but knew that she would have to put her 'platon hat' away for a year or so and become mami to another child again for a while.

xxx

Ben double checked the oxygen flow and then reached to lift Conner's head so the mask fitted comfortably. As he did, Conner stirred slightly.

"It's okay Con," he soothed. "I'm just giving you some oxygen to help." He made quick work of tightening the straps slightly and then picked up his wrist to take his pulse.

Conner managed to nod slightly before returning to his restless sleep.

Ben had sat at his side for hours now, monitoring his vitals and when he noticed a blue tinge to his patient's lips and his growing struggle to take air, he quickly bought in a portable oxygen canister and mask. He had been in two minds whether to add the medication as he was mindful of Conner's wishes but he had promised that he would make his passing as comfortable as possible and the addition of oxygen would settle things down until Lilly arrived home with the critical care equipment he'd asked for.

He was giving him minimal but needed support for now.

As Conner slept on, Ben stood, stretched out the kinks in his back and made his way to the window. There had been no break in the stormy weather – the sky was dark and the wind buffeted the trees that lined the lane leading towards Gowton. It was getting late now and Ben was worrying about Lilly and Finn. The journey home from the hospital was difficult enough on the rough terrain but when the weather closed in and it was dark, things were even harder.

The hiss off the oxygen replaced the silence of the sick room and that, coupled with the darkness and dampness created a depressing maudlin atmosphere – one of great sadness and death. Ben should have insisted that Conner should have gone into hospital. Things would have been easier there, everything he needed was fingertips away and he could have controlled everything and called for guidance and help if needed. He felt very alone and slightly out of depth – he needed Lilly's support more now than ever.

When he'd been a nurse on Earth, Ben had overseen many controlled passing's but that was several years ago and never anyone he knew or loved. His training as a nurse had been considered more as platon training on Mandana and Ben had quickly progressed to being a knowledgeable medic in this planets medical system. He now held a position of great standing at the hospital, organising the everyday running of the staff and the Helena's were the caregivers where he was the expert.

He had to find away to become the Earth nurse again – there was no way he was going to be able to do this otherwise.

It had been a long, long time since he'd overseen a controlled death and it scared and devastated him at the same time.

Xxx

"Look Finny. There's Papi." Lilly returned the wave her husband gave her from the bedroom window.

Mother and son had sung songs all the way to try to lighten the gloom and Lilly was so pleased to be home now though, judging by Ben's serious face and shrug, something was wrong.

After leading the cart into the barn and giving Clancy some hay, she grabbed Finn's hand and they hurried into the cottage out of the rain.

"Give me your coat, Finn." She held her hand out for her son's coat, which she hung over the back of a chair to dry, and quickly removed her own. "Do you want some milk and cookies?" She asked as she hung her own coat and moved to the pantry.

"Yes please."

Lilly grabbed the cookie tin and jug of milk. "Hop up on a chair then," she grinned and crossed to the table and filled a glass. "There you go," she ruffled Finn's slightly rain damp hair and then opened the tin. "You may have two cookies today."

"Thank you mami." Finn reached in, removed the two biggest cookies, and placed them on the plate that Lilly had quickly placed in front of him.

"I'm going to check on Uncle Conner and papi," she smiled as Finn quickly tucked into his snack.

"kay," he grinned back with his mouth full.

"Don't gobble them," Lilly shook her head and continued to smile as she made her way into the hall.

"I won't mami," Finn called after her and Lilly sighed knowing very well that the cookies wouldn't last two minutes!

As she climbed the stairs, she felt a growing unease at the silence that came from Conner's bedroom. The fact that Ben hadn't immediately greeted them in the kitchen caused her to worry about her brother in law's condition even more and the sight of the sick man lying in bed with an oxygen mask covering his mouth made her heart sink.

"Ben?" She whispered as she entered the room but her husband didn't respond, he just stood staring out of the window. Realising that things were serious she didn't push him for a response but sat at Conner's side and took his pulse instead. She hung her head when the confirmation of her fears was realised and sat in silence waiting for Ben to talk to her. When he finally sighed heavily, she turned to face him.

"Ben?" She enquired softly again, surprised that he was not barking out his medical orders now she was home. "I've brought everything you need. Do you need me to help you get...?"

"He's dying," Ben interrupted softly.

"His condition is poor," Lilly, agreed with a sigh, "but I have brought the strong antibiotics you asked for." She stood and started to make her way out of the room. "I won't be long; we will soon have him feeling much better."

"No Lilly." Ben continued to stare out of the window.

"It's okay – I will help you set up," Lilly turned to face him again. "The antibiotics will work quickly and..." She paused when Ben slowly shook his head. "We have to treat him Ben," she looked at Conner and then back at her husband. "We have to."

"No Lilly," Ben repeated his voice barely above a whisper.

Lilly crossed to join him at the window and gently rubbed his back. "Why not Ben?" She asked, lowering her voice to match his.

"Because he doesn't want us to."

Ben turned his tear stained face to face her. "Because he's tired and doesn't want to fight anymore," he continued softly.

"But..." Lilly reached to brush away his tears but Ben grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. "We have to let him go – I've promised him and am not going to let him down a-again." Ben's voice broke as he spoke and Lilly quickly pulled him in for a hug.

"I am so sorry Ben," she soothed. "I am so, so sorry my love. It will be alright – I promise."

She stood with her devastated husband in her arms as thunder rumbled and rain trickled down the windowpane as the weather matched the sombre atmosphere.

They always knew this day would come but now it was here it was devastating.

Xxx

Lilly knelt at Ben's side and took his hand in hers. "Can I get you anything?" She asked as she stroked the back of it.

"We'll be fine," Ben turned and smiled softly.

Lilly reached and ran her fingers through his hair and hoped that he would find comfort out of her soothing motion. "Do you want something to eat?" She asked, knowing that they hadn't had supper yet.

"Not now – maybe later," Ben answered and leant into her touch.

"I need to see to Finn my love," Lilly sighed. She had quickly found something to occupy Finn before returning to help Ben set up the equipment needed to provide Conner with medication to make him more comfortable, fluid was flowing, a catheter in place and a small dose of sedation administered. He was now peacefully sleeping.

"Of course," Ben nodded slowly, "and you must be tired too," he added.

"It has been a long day," Lilly admitted as she stood with the aid of the arms of the chair.

Ben leant his head on her bump and tenderly stroked it. "You need to rest. I'm so sorry I didn't prepare supper," he sighed.

"Don't be," Lilly kissed the top of his head. "I have soup in the pantry; it will only take minutes to warm it through."

Ben continued to rest his head against Lilly's stomach. "Oh God – I can't do this, Lil's," he suddenly sobbed.

"Yes you can," Lilly whispered softly as she watched Conner begin to move restlessly. "You know you can do this – you have to do this; you cannot let your brother down. He needs you."

"He's too young to die."

"Yes he is but it is his time – he knows that and you have to be strong for him. You can do this and I will be with you all the way."

"No – you need to rest."

"No – I want to be with you."

Ben pushed way and stared up at her. "I need to do this on my own."

"You don't have to do this alone – I'm here my love," Lilly shook her head and smiled softly.

"I've promised Conner," he reached and took Lilly's hand. "You need to settle Finn and get some rest yourself," he told her before gently kissing her palm. "I'll call you if I need you."

"But..."

"I have to do it alone, Lilly. Please – I-I just have too."

The pleading look in his eyes made Lilly capitulate. "I will see to Finn and then bring you something to eat. Then you have promised your son that you will read him the next chapter of Peter Pan. I will sit with Conner while you do so and then we will re evaluate the situation."

"But..."

"That is what is going to happen." Lilly's reply was adamant and Ben knew better than to argue with her.

"Okay," he sighed.

"Good – I will not be long," Lilly smiled again, then bent and tenderly kissed his lips. "I know this will be hard," she sighed as she caressed his cheek, "but I believe in you."

"Thank you."

"Right." Lilly straighten and picked up the pile of soiled bed linen. "I am but a call away if you need me," she stated, turned and made her way out of the room, pausing in the doorway to watch as Ben picked up Conner's hand when he began to move restlessly again.

It was going to be a very long night.

Xxx

"Do you believe in fairies? If you believe," he shouted to them, "clap your hands; don't let Tink die..."

"If I clap my hands papi, will it stop Uncle Conner dying?"

Finn's whispered question interrupted the bedtime story his father was reading him and stopped Ben in his tracks.

What could he say? What should he tell him? How was he going to answer that question?

Finn lay on his side blinking slowly and Ben knew that he was expecting his father to tell him that everything was going to be alright, that his uncle was going to get better and live 'happily ever after' just like in the fairy tales. But this wasn't a fairy tale, this was real life and there would be no happy ending today.

Ben took a deep breath, slowly marked his page and placed the book on Finn's bedside cabinate. He reached and smoothed his son's covers and gave him a sad smile before taking another deep breath.

"Uncle Conner is tired, Finny," he sighed. "He has been poorly for a long, long time and it's now time for him to sleep."

"Like Quinny?"

"Yes, like Quinny."

"And Mari"

"And Mari," Ben nodded, slowly sweeping Finn's bangs off his forehead. "It is his time to sleep now."

"Will Quinny be waitn' for him like Mami said?" Finn curled onto his side and snuggled down.

"Of course he will," Ben smiled.

"And Mari too?" Finn yawned.

"Of course."

"And will she make him some of that stew that she made me when I was poorly?"

"I'm sure she will. He will be in good hands, I promise."

"And he won't be poorly anymore?"

Ben swallowed down his emotion as he watched Finn's eyes fill with tears. "He won't be poorly anymore, I promise sweetheart. He will be loved."

"I'll miss him," Finn sniffed.

Ben gently kissed his forehead and managed to smile. "Me too," he admitted as he stroked his son's cheek. "But he won't be suffering anymore and Quinny and Mari will care for him until we all meet again."

Finn yawned again before starting to sleepily suck his thumb. "Tell Uncle Conner that I love him," he mumbled, blinked for a few times and then closed his eyes with a sigh.

Ben sat at his side helpless to stop the silent tears pouring down his face, marveling how children had the ability to accept things almost without question or barely a thought and wished he had the same ability.

The next few hours were going to be the hardest of his life, he knew that, but he had to try to be strong, not only for his brother but also for the little boy who now innocently slept dreaming of the joys in his life that stretched for years before him.

Xxx

Lilly didn't know what woke her. Maybe it was the rays of the suns that peaked over the horizon. Maybe it was the scratching of the chickens in the yard or the calling of the dawn by the birds who greeted the day.

Maybe her sixth sense told her that a great sadness tainted the early morning silence.

Ben had continued to stubbornly insist that he cared for Conner. He'd calmly, but forcefully told her that he needed to do this alone, that she should rest and no arguing on Lilly's behalf had changed his mind.

At first, she had tossed and turned, worrying about her husband but soon found that she'd been so exhausted that sleep had swept over her like a wave and, no matter how hard she'd fought it, it quickly took the upper hand.

Now, though, she was wide-awake, knowing that Ben needed her.

She quickly grabbed her dressing gown and made her way to Conner's room, pausing to take a deep breath before slowly opening the door, almost scared of what she would find beyond it.

"Ben?" She whispered as she poked her head round the door. Her heart sank at the sight of her husband who stood staring out of the window. She glanced at the bed; quickly noticing the sheet pulled over Conner's body and then hurried to his side.

"Sweetheart?" She gently rubbed his arm, alarmed at how cold he felt.

"He's gone," Ben stated calmly – too calmly.

"When?"

"As the sun rose."

"Oh."

"It was peaceful. He just carried on sleeping."

"I am glad for that."

Lilly laid her head on Ben's shoulder and carried on rubbing his arm. "You are cold, my love," she sighed as she felt him begin to shiver. "Why don't you come and sit down, I will fetch you some hot tea…"

"He didn't wake again." Ben carried on talking as if Lilly hadn't spoken. "He just carried on sleeping. I told him how much Finn loved him, how much you loved him, how much I l-loved him." Full body shivers wracked his body as he spoke and Lilly wrapped her arms around him and gently rocked him.

"He loved you too," she soothed.

"I didn't s-say it e-enough."

"Yes you did, my love. Yes you did. He knew."

"I'm c-cold," Ben stuttered, resting his head on his wife's shoulder.

Lilly tenderly rubbed his back. "Let's get you sitting down," she urged, knowing that he was showing all the signs of shock. "Then I'll get you some tea and we will soon have you warmed up." She gently steered him over to window seat and helped him sit. "Here, let's tuck this round you," she smiled as she grabbed a quilt off the dresser and wrapped his round his shaking shoulders.

Ben rested his head against the window and closed his eyes. Lilly picked up his wrist and started to take his pulse. "You're going into shock, my love," she sighed.

"I-I k-know," Ben nodded as he pulled the quilt tighter round his shoulders. "C-can't s-stop s-shivering."

"Let's get you lying down," Lilly urged gently after discovering Ben's weak thready pulse. "Try and take some deep breaths and calm down." She reached for a pillow and placed it under his legs when he managed to lie on the window seat and then tucked another cover round his shaking body, knelt at his side and tenderly stroked his forehead. "It's going to be alright, I promise," she soothed. "I love you so much; it's going to be alright…"

She remained at his side, whispering words of comfort until Ben finally started to relax and his shivering began to lesson. "Will you be alright while I fetch you some tea?" She asked as she re checked his pulse, happy to find a stronger, steadier beat.

Ben sighed and then nodded slowly before his eyelids slowly fluttered shut. Lilly bent and gently kissed his forehead. "I will not be long," she promised as she stood and smoothed his covers.

"Kay," Ben mumbled softly, his eyes still closed.

"I love you," Lilly sighed and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Love you too," Ben replied, echoing the sigh.

Lilly took a moment and continued her comforting touch, hoping he would gain strength from her presence before quietly tip toeing out of the room, gathering medical equipment as she went. She wanted to erase as many signs of the last few hours as possible.

She knew it was going to be hard enough without reminders at every turn.

Xxx

"Thank you." Ben struggled upright, smiled and accepted the steaming mug of tea Lilly held out for him.

"Are you feeling better?" Lilly asked as she sat at his side.

"Sorry about that." Ben took a sip of the hot sweet drink, still feeling slightly shaky but better than he had.

"Nothing to be sorry for. It was a normal reaction," Lilly smiled reassuringly.

Ben continued to sip at his tea, his eyes continually drawn to the covered body on the bed, his mind continually wandering to the final few hours of his brother's life. How he slowly, calmly just drifted away as the first rays of sun hit the window and filled the room with an almost golden, ethereal glow. He had kept his promise. Conner had not suffered - his passing had been peaceful. He just fell asleep – something Ben longed to do now as he was so, so, very tired.

"What time is it?" He softly asked before taking another sip of tea.

"It is nearing breakfast."

"Oh," Ben sighed and rubbed his gritty eyes. His whole body ached to rest. "It was a long night."

"I am sure it was," Lilly placed a comforting hand on his knee.

"I need to tend to the animals…"

"Not today."

"But they…" Ben began to argue.

"Not today," Lilly repeated softly but firmly. "I will see to Finn, call in on my parents on the way to taking him to school – pa will tend to everything," she smiled gently. "And then I will travel on to the hospital and inform Conrad of Conner's passing and we will let him make all the arrangements."

"But…"

Lilly reached up and carded her fingers through his hair. "You are exhausted, my love. You need to rest."

"No—I can manage," Ben protested.

"No, Ben," Lilly shook her head and took his hand. "You have done what you promised your brother. It is now time to let others step in and help."

"I—"Ben continued to protest but took in his wife's look of grim determination and knew that he was fighting a losing battle. "Okay," he capitulated with a sad sigh, feeling so exhausted that he could barley hold his head up anymore.

"Why don't you try and sleep?"

"Not yet," Ben rested his head back against the window. "Not until Conner is in Conrad's safe hands," he turned his head and tried to smile round the lump of emotion in his throat but found the smile turned into a sob not matter how hard he tried to stop it and he was quickly enveloped in his wife's embrace.

"Sh, shh," Lilly soothed. "It's okay, my love. It will be okay."

"I-it's n-not f-fair," he cried uncontrollably as Lilly rocked him. "H-he w-was t-too y-young."

"I know, I know."

"God, it h-hurts s-so m-much, Lilly."

"Oh, Ben." Lilly just tightened her hold. She knew there was nothing she could say or do to make things any better, to change what happened.

All she could do was reassure her devastated husband that he was not alone in his grief.


	14. Chapter 14

Lilly clicked Hector on down the lane as if it was a normal day. Routines continued, the world did not stop. Life struggled on no matter what.

She had left Ben curled up in a chair at his brother's side again – her urgings for him to rest in bed were ignored. Ben had refused to leave Conner on his own; he'd promised him he wouldn't.

Finn had known what had happened. The first question he'd asked her was if Uncle Conner was with Quinny now and when she nodded in confirmation, he'd shrugged and carried on with his breakfast without a blink of an eye. He was now sat at her side, clutching his backpack to his chest tightly and Lilly was beginning to regret insisting that he went to school.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" She turned and asked with concern.

"Uh huh," Finn nodded and rested his chin on his pack.

"Are you sure?"

"Just a bit sad," Finn shrugged.

Lilly reached and grabbed his hand. "Uncle Conner is in a better place now darling," she promised giving his hand a quick squeeze.

"I know that," Finn sighed, "it's papi that is sad and all alone wif out his brother now."

Lilly closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and let it go slowly, tears filling her eyes at her son's concern for his father. "Oh, Finn. He is going to be just fine, he still has us. It will take time but time will heal. We just have to be strong for him and let him know how much we love him and care for him."

"We can do that can't we Mami?"

Lilly opened her eyes when she felt a little hand take hers and then blinked back her tears as best she could when she saw the look of worry on Finn's face. "Of course we can," she smiled and squeezed his hand again. "Of course we can…" She placed her arm round his shoulders and pulled him into her side. "Papi will be just fine – you'll see," she promised and steered Hector round the corner and down the lane leading to her parent's house, all of a sudden longing for her own mother's comforting arms.

Xxx

"I have given him a mild sedative," Conrad placed his bag on the kitchen table, "he didn't like it but he should sleep now," he smiled at Lilly.

"Thank you," Lilly bowed slightly as she wiped her hands on her drying cloth.

"I think I should check you over before we leave too."

"No. That is not necessary. I am fine, thank you," Lilly smiled.

"Are you sure?"

"I am positive," Lilly nodded.

Conrad visually assessed her for a moment before sighing. "Please try and rest while your husband does," he advised. "You look tired."

"I will, I promise."

Conrad grabbed his coat. "We will return to the hospital now," he reached and placed a comforting hand on Lilly's arm. "And I will make all the arrangements for the ceremony of burial."

"Thank you."

"Benjamin has told me of the plot he has chosen and his wishes will be adhered to."

Ben and Conner had discussed Conner's final resting place at great length and had decided that the brothers would no longer be parted and the small willow tree that stood on Earth Hill would be a perfect spot. Conner would always be in touching reach of the portal back to his world and Ben would always have a place to visit his brother whenever he wanted.

"He will be most grateful," Lilly patted Conrad's hand. "It meant a lot to Conner too," she added with a sad smile.

Conrad cleared his throat, struggled into his coat and then picked up his bag. "Are you sure you do not need me to do anything else?" He asked.

"I am sure."

"What about your animals? Can I help in anyway?"

"My father has everything in hand," Lilly reassured as she shepherded her friend out of the kitchen.

"What about young Finn, is someone fetching him from school for you? I don't think you should be travelling at the moment."

"My parents are bringing him home later," Lilly smiled and opened the door. "You have done more than enough, Conrad," she bowed slightly again as Conrad paused in the doorway and turned to face her.

"Get some rest, child," he smiled.

"I will," Lilly gave him a peck on the cheek. "Just take c-care of Conner," she stuttered as she glanced over at the men who were loading his body onto Conrad's cart.

"We will," Conrad promised softly. "If you need anything, anything at all, you know where we are."

"I do."

"Take care," Conrad pulled her in for a quick hug and then hurried over to his cart, pausing to turn and wave before clambering aboard and clicking his horse onwards.

Lilly stood and watched as it made it's slow, respectful journey down the lane with tears silently trickling down her cheeks. The whole day seemed so surreal. Up until a month ago, she'd never known Conner Ashton but now his passing left a huge hole in her heart.

XXX

The weather matched the occasion. Soot black cloud, gusting wind and torrential rain provided the solemn backdrop to the burial ceremony.

Pastor Hasnded spoke Ben's words, words that he'd chosen carefully. Words of great sorrow yet of great pride, pride for his brother who had fought so hard and for so long.

Flowers marked the burial site – tokens of respect from friends and well-wishers who had been touched by the young airman's story. Earth roses, a gift of from Stargate Command, joined wreaths of Mandanan flowers. A small wooden plaque that had the twenty third psalm carved on it by Daniel, stood dripping with rain at the front of the mound. Ben had been so touched by the gesture, it meant so much to him and as the Pastor finished his address, he took a deep breath and stepped forward.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the path of righteousness for his name's sake."

His voice was surprisingly strong and assured. Although his hands shook and his legs felt weak, he was in control and was determined not to make any mistakes, to do Conner's life justice and to give him the dignified send off he so rightly deserved.

The eyes of his family were on him and he gained so much support and love from them. His wife stood at her father's side, Finn's hand firmly planted in hers. She was serenely calm and collected, her gauze never faltering as she watched him say his final goodbye.

Finn stood with his head bowed, his other hand clutching his Grandmi's. His long bangs were soaked through and stuck to his face. The dark suit his mother had made him almost drowned his small frame and he looked unbelievably young but acted unbelievably mature. Ben was so very proud of him.

"Amen."

Ben knew that the Mandanans had no concept of Christianity. They worshiped other Gods but each of the gathered mourners repeated his word as if it was the most natural thing to do. He then slowly walked towards the willow tree, plucked a small branch of white flowers and added them to the rest of the flowers. He held his hands out to his wife and son and they slowly led the small possession down the hill and as they walked a ray of sunshine broke through the dark clouds.

Ben looked over his shoulder and smiled as the sun hit Daniel's plaque.

Conner was at rest at last. Free of pain and suffering and Mother Nature briefly celebrated the occasion.

It was a wonderful sight.

Xxx

Life went on.

As hard as it was, life moved forward without Conner Ashton.

Routine returned, animals needed tending, Finn needed schooling and Ben needed to work. Actually, it consumed him. It helped him to not think, to not feel. He volunteered for double shifts; he escaped to his land and worked until he could barely stand. It was his only way of making sure he was exhausted enough to sleep without the nightmares that had plagued since Conner's death.

At first Lilly had stood back and given him his space. She hadn't commented when he returned from work barely being able to put one foot in front of the other before disappearing to the meadows with barely a thought for her or Finn. She'd held her tongue when she to bed without him most nights and woke in the same position. She understood.

She knew it was his way of dealing but it had been going on for over a month now and their second child's birth was only three weeks away. She needed him now. This had to stop.

"Where are you going?" She asked, glancing up from her knitting.

"Out," Ben shrugged, grabbing his coat off the back of the sofa.

Lilly sighed and placed her knitting down. "But you have not eaten any supper."

"I'm not hungry."

"Have you eaten at all today?"

"I ate at the hospital."

"I do not believe you."

"Believe what you want," Ben shrugged again as he did his buttons up. "I have much to do. The fence needs repairing."

"The fence is fine."

"Not it's not."

Lilly slowly pushed up out of her chair and reached out to touch his arm. "Please Ben, you are exhausted. You need to sleep."

Ben turned away from her touch. "I'm fine. Things need to be done."

Lilly sighed and hung her head, feeling so exasperated but at the same time not really knowing what to say or do.

"Don't wait up for me." Ben turned his collar up on his coat. "Say goodnight to Finn for me."

Lilly snapped her head up. "No. I won't. Say it to him yourself," she spat. "When was the last time you read to him? When you talked to him about school, asked him if he was all right? When Ben, when? He needs you. I need you, this unborn child needs you."

Ben starred at her for a moment before turning and striding out of the room.

Lilly hurried after him. "I understand why you are doing what you are doing but do not shut your son out. It is not fair on him!" She yelled.

"Don't wait up for me Lilly!" Ben yelled back. "I don't want you waiting for me!" He stormed out of the door and slammed it behind him.

"Ben!" Lilly opened the door. "Please, Ben. Don't do this. This is not fair on us," she called as she watched him sprint across the courtyard and disappear into the barn.

"Ben – please!"

Tears of frustration and great sadness filled her eyes.

She just didn't know what to do anymore. She was losing him and felt so alone.

xxx

He couldn't deal with Lilly right now, he just couldn't.

It was taking all his strength to get up every morning, to carry on with his life. He couldn't cope with anything else, couldn't be what she wanted him to be, to do what she wanted him to do. Not now. It was too much.

Grabbing Hector's reigns, he urged him on into the night. He needed to escape, to hide away.

Everything was too much…

He missed his brother so much, no one understood. Conner had been his final link to Earth, to his home and he felt so lost and alone now.

"On Hector, on…"

Thunder rumbled in the vale and Ben let his horse lead the way, the way to where he didn't know but, at this precise moment, he didn't care.

He just needed to escape.

xxx

"Mami?"

Lilly quickly dabbed at her tears before turning to her son. "What are you doing up?" She smiled at the sight of Finn who stood in the kitchen doorway, knuckling his eyes.

"Fort I heard papi," Finn yawned as he pattered barefooted into the kitchen.

"He has just gone to fix the fence, my love." Lilly grabbed a jug of milk out of the cold store. "He will be back later," she smiled as Finn clambered up on a chair and held a glass out for her to fill.

"He didn't say goodnight," Finn sighed and placed his full glass back on to the table.

Lilly pulled up a chair and poured herself a glass. "He did come to see you but you were fast asleep, poppet." The lie slipped easily off her tongue. There was no need to upset her boy.

"Oh," Finn shrugged. "I tried to stay awake to see him."

"I know."

"I miss him."

Lilly ducked her head and ran her finger round the rim of the glass. She was struggling to look her son in the eye. "I know," she sympathized with a sad sigh.

They sat in silence for a while as they sipped their milk.

Lilly's heart was breaking for Finn. He was so young and everything was changing so quickly for him. He needed his father now more than ever.

"Is papi gonna be sad forever?" Finns softly spoken question broke the silence in the end.

Lilly pushed her drink away and then turned to face the devastated boy who sat with his head bowed and a single tear trickling down his cheek.

"Oh, Finny," she sighed. "He is just hurting so much at the moment, he is missing Uncle Conner so much and is trying so hard to try and cope."

"He's not fun papi anymore," Finn sniffed and scrubbed at his tears. "I miss fun papi more than Uncle Conner."

Lilly reached out and stroked his hair. "I know you do and everything will be alright, it will just take time. I told you that time will heal and it will. We just need to be strong for papi; he needs us to be strong."

Finn looked up, blinking his tears back as best he could. "We can do that, can't we mami."

Lilly smiled, even though her heart continued to break. She brushed his bangs off his forehead and then held her arms out. Finn quickly hopped down from his chair, wrapped his arms round her neck and Lilly picked him up and placed him on her lap, shifting her weight slightly so she could comfortably hold him being mindful of her bump.

"I know everything seems so sad at the moment, Finny," she told him as she gently rocked him. "But we have so much to look forward to. Soon you are going to be a big brother," she rubbed her bump and grinned when Finn's tiny hand joined hers. "And you are going to be a wonderful big brother."

"Uh huh," Finn mumbled sleepily as he started to suck his thumb.

"Papi and I will need you to help us and we are going to be one big happy family."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Lilly took a moment to comfort her sad little boy before jostling his shoulder when she suddenly realized he was nodding off. "Oh no you don't, young man," she giggled. "There is no way mami is going to be able to carry you up to bed."

Finn lifted his head. "Oh," he grouched.

"Come on." Lilly gently lowered him to his feet and then took his hand. "Let's go up to bed. Papi will be home soon."

She led her sleepy boy out of the kitchen and up the stairs to bed.

A good night's sleep would do them both the world of good.

She would deal with Ben in the morning.

She was way too tired to deal tonight.

xxx

"Can Finn stay with you today?"

Hanah watched Lilly remove her son's coat. She looked tired. "Of course he can," she smiled and ruffled Finn's hair. "You know that my girl."

"Thank you," Lilly sighed as she hung the dripping coat on the back of the door. "Can you go and play for a while," she asked Finn. "I need to speak to grandmi."

"Grandpi is in his study," Hanah told her grandson and smiled as Finn skipped out of the room. She then turned to Lilly. "Sit," she told her. "And tell me what is going on."

Lilly dragged out a chair and slowly lowered herself into it. "I need to find my husband," she sighed and ran her fingers through her rain damp hair.

"Oh?" Hanah sat in the chair opposite and poured a cup of tea.

"He, um…" Lilly closed her eyes and rested back in the chair. "…he, um, didn't come home last night. Well, he did return from work but he went out again and didn't come home, I mean, it's not unusual at the moment – he's not coping well but I need to find him, I think I know where he is and…"

"Lilly?" Hanah reached over the table and placed her hand on her daughters arm.

Lilly opened her eyes and tried to smile. "He is lost to us at the moment, ma," she admitted sadly.

"Why didn't you tell us it was so bad?"

"Because," Lilly shrugged.

"Because, why?" Hanah probed softly.

Lilly sighed heavily. "Because Ben is a proud man. Because he is afraid that people would see him as being weak."

"He is grieving; there is no weakness in that."

"I know but he cannot see through the fog of grief to see straight at the moment. He needs help, ma."

"Oh, Lilly," Hanah tutted and grasped her daughters hand and gave it a squeeze. "We are all here to help, you know that."

Lilly managed to smile and return the squeeze. "I know, thank you but it is down to Ben – he needs to help himself first."

"Go and find your husband, Finn will be fine with us. Take your time, talk things through. Ben will get through this, I am confident."

"I hope so ma, I truly hope so."

Xxx

The Hospital was always a busy hive of activity but to Ben it was somewhere he could lose himself – somewhere he could put his white coat on and become someone else. Here he was Platon Ashton and he could escape from being a husband, a father, a brother…

Some might think he was running away but, to him, it was his solitude.

He'd seen everyone's concerned glances when he'd arrived; soak through to the skin in the middle of the night. He'd waved off the offers of help and baulked all the questioning. He just wanted to be alone right now.

Anton had been in to see him several times throughout the night, wanting to talk but Ben had firmly but politely told him that all was well and he just needed to catch up on things – that lie had been easy.

Work was his solace and, after donning the coat, Platon Ashton had opened the first of many files and lost himself.

He actually managed to forget all his worries for a while at least.

Xxx

"He is in his office, Lilly." Anton glanced up when Lilly knocked on his door.

"I thought he would be," Lilly sighed as she leant on the doorframe. "Is he alright?"

Anton pushed his paperwork away and gave her his full attention. "You tell me?" He shrugged.

Lilly ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. "No. No he is not," she admitted. "He is far from alright."

"I see," Anton slowly nodded.

"He is lost and I do not know how to find him."

Anton tapped his pen on his desk and pursed his lips. "I tried to talk to him but he dismissed me. I did not try and push him as he was obviously very upset, I'm sorry I could do no more," he apologized, wishing that he could have made everything better for his dear friends but Ben had withdrawn and there was little he could have done.

"Thank you for trying anyway," Lilly smiled and pushed herself off the doorframe, "but he has to acknowledge that he is struggling with things before anyone can help him."

"And that is why you are here," Anton returned the smile.

"Precisely. I do believe that this is the only place on this planet that Ben Ashton will actually listen to me, goodness knows why."

"Because he is comfortable here. Because this is the only place that truly reminds him of his life before Mandana."

Lilly chuckled softly. "You are a wise man, Platon Beuner."

"Indeed I am." Anton folded his arms and leant back in his chair. "And I do believe that you are a wise and caring wife who has her husband's best interest at heart and knows that all her friends are here if she needs them," he grinned knowingly.

"She does," Lilly nodded.

"Go – talk to your husband. Call us if you need us."

"Thank you, Anton."

"You have no need to thank me child."

"Yes I do. I know you kept a watchful eye over Ben for me and for that I am very grateful."

"I care for him too, my friend. He is a very special young man who is lost in grief and uncertainty. You will help him find his way again Lilly, of that I am certain. This is a mere stumble for your family."

"Wish me luck?"

"You do not need luck – you need patience and understanding. Benjamin _will_ be just fine."

Lilly took a deep breath, smiled and nodded as positively as she could before going in search of her husband.

It was time to mend her family.

xxx

Ben was unbelievably tired. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept for more than two hours at a time. Actually that was not true, he could remember exactly the last time he'd slept the whole night. It was three months ago – before the fated message from Earth that Conner had tracked him down. Those carefree, happy summer days of chasing his son round the orchard seemed a lifetime ago to him now and he almost ached for them.

Three months – three long months of uncertainly and, ultimately sadness. Three months that had turned his simple, wonderful life on its head and then made it spiral out of control.

Everything had changed in those three months.

Ben shook his head to clear away the painful memories and then shivered as he reached for his next file. His clothes were still slightly damp from the midnight down pour and goose bumps assailed his cold body as his shivering escalated.

Too many days without sleep and substance was making his head pound, adding to the feeling of illness that he hadn't realized he felt before. He knew he should eat something but the mere thought of food made his stomach churn.

Work would substitute sleep and food; it had done before so he started to flick through the chart in front of him.

Xxx

Lilly looked at her husband – really looked.

Even from across the ward he looked exhausted. His whole countenance screamed exhaustion. He was slumped forward in his chair, his face so close to the file that she was sure that either his eyes hurt or he had an almighty headache.

Paper littered his usually neat and ordered desk. In fact, his normally immaculate office looked as if a tornado had blown through it.

One thing her husband was, was neat, ordered and in control. The man in front of her right now was a mess.

Deep breath taken she crossed the ward and gently knocked on his door.

"I'm fine Conrad. Thank you anyway." Ben sighed without looking up.

Lilly opened the door and then shut it quietly behind her. "It's not Conrad, my love."

Ben didn't even acknowledge Lilly's presence he just rubbed his temples and continued his work. "I'm busy," he mumbled and turned his page.

Lilly pulled up a chair and sat down. "I can see that," she observed gently.

"Yup – lots to do. Busy, busy, busy." This time Ben did look up and Lilly saw the raw exhaustion in his blood shot eyes.

"Why don't you let me help?" She offered, tentively. "Two hands will make light work. We will get this done in no time and then you can sleep. You must be so tired; Conrad says that you have been here all night." She kept her tone light and breezy, hoping not to offend him. She was praying that he would take her up on her offer willingly but she knew, deep down, that it wasn't going to be as easy as that and – sure enough, Ben shook his head and returned to his work.

"I can manage, "he shrugged.

"I know you can but you need to rest."

"No. No rest. I'm fine. This has to be done; there is so much to do." Ben scribbled almost manically on the chart and Lilly reached over and gently plucked his pen out of his grasp.

"Enough," she whispered.

Ben paused for a moment, strumming his now empty fingers on his desk before pushing up out of his chair and crossing the room to his filing cabinet. "Boy, oh boy," he continued to chatter. "There is so much to do."

"Ben please…"

Ben forced open the top draw and started flicking through the charts. "A Platon's work is never done," he mumbled into the cabinet. "Chart after chart…" After pulling out a chart, he turned quickly…

The color drained from his face as he swayed. "I…I…" He mumbled as he reached blindly in front of him.

Lilly knew exactly what was going to happen but just couldn't reach him in time. She had no choice but to watch as her husband, almost in slow motion, crumbled to the floor – his head striking the corner of his desk with a sickening thud as he fell.

xxx

"I need help in here!"

Head wounds always bleed a lot and Lilly's skirt was nearly soaked with her husband's blood.

"Conrad!"

Where was everyone?

"It's okay my love, I'm here. Everything is going to be okay."

"What happened?"

Lilly hadn't even heard the door open so when Conrad laid a hand on her shoulder, she jumped in surprise. "He just collapsed," she glanced up and informed the elder platon who quickly knelt at her side and began to assess the unconscious patient.

"Okay – it's a nasty gash but a few stitches will sort that out," he smiled reassuringly at Lilly. "And I'm not surprised he passed out. I've been expecting it actually."

Lilly nodded and continued to apply pressure to Ben's forehead. "He, um – I don't think he's eaten much recently," she admitted.

"Well, we can do something about that," Conrad smiled again and then made way for the Helena's who had just arrived with a gurney. "Right. We need to get him settled on the ward and see if we can do something about getting some nourishment in him."

With the Helena's help, they gently lifted the unresponsive platon onto the gurney. "Let's put him in room 2. He will get some peace and quiet," he informed his staff.

"I will see to him," Lilly insisted as she levered herself upright using the support of Ben's desk. "I…" she paused when her back spasamed in pain.

"Let's move him," Anton ordered, oblivious to Lilly's discomfort and then led the way out of the office.

Lilly waited out the pain, rubbed her aching lower back and hurried after them.

Her husband needed her.

Xxx


	15. Chapter 15

Ben had lost so much weight!

Lilly was so shocked as she started to undress her husband – he was so thin. When had that happened? Why hadn't she noticed it before?

"Drena – can you draw some blood please?" She asked as she threw his blood soaked shirt into the laundry bag. "And we need an IV started as soon as possible. He needs fluids." Her platon training kicked in quickly as she was very grateful that Conrad had stood to one side and let her take charge. She needed to do this – she knew he knew that.

She then gently probed the edges of Ben's head wound, which had thankfully stopped bleeding. "I think we need a few stitches in this," she looked up and sighed as she snapped off her gloves. "And we will add a small sedative to his IV – he needs to sleep more than anything."

"Yes Platon Ashton," Drena bowed and then hurried out of the room.

Conrad crossed to Lilly's side. "Have you everything you need, platon?" He asked quietly.

"Yes, platon," Lilly patted Conrad's arm and smiled. "We will be just fine, won't we Ben," she addressed her unconscious husband as she smoothed his covers over his bare chest.

"Then I will leave you to it," Conrad bowed. "Make sure you rest as well, child."

"I will, do not worry," Lilly nodded as she continued to care for her patient.

"I am a call away if you need me."

"Thank you." Lilly reached for another set of gloves before turning and smiling at Conrad. "For everything," she added.

Conrad smiled back, bowed slightly and then left Lilly to tend to her patient, knowing he was in good hands.

Xxx

"Not now, not now," Lilly mumbled to herself as she tossed several towels on the floor.

She'd just been changing Ben's IV when her waters broke. This was so not the time to go into labor.

Pushing the towels round with her foot, she mopped up the worst and then poked her head round the door.

"Drena – could you come here for a moment?" She smiled at her friend who was sat at the nurses' station doing paperwork.

"Of course," Drena smiled back. "What's wrong?"

Lilly closed the door behind the Helena after she'd hurried into the room. "I… um…" Lilly paused to clear her throat. "I need you to fetch me some clean clothing, maybe a pair of scrubs," she shrugged with a small smile.

"Oh?" Drena frowned.

"Yes. My… um…waters have just broken," Lilly nodded towards the pile off soaked towels.

"What?" Drena frown deepened as she followed Lilly's gaze.

"I haven't had any contractions yet, but…"

"You're in labor?" Drena reached out and placed her hand on Lilly's bump.

"Um, y-yes – well no," Lilly stuttered, "my waters have broken, but I'm not in full labor yet."

"I will fetch the duty midwife." Drena turned and started to hurry out of the room but Lilly snagged her arm.

"No. I don't need anyone," she smiled as reassuringly as she could. "I just need some clean clothes."

"But you are in labor…"

"It will take hours yet, Dre. I need to stay with Ben until he wakes up. Please just fetch me some clean clothes," Lilly pleaded. "Trust me – I know what I am doing."

"I…um…"

"Please Dre. Ben needs me."

Drena looked at Ben who was still unconscious and then back to Lilly. "I'm not happy about this…"she started to complain.

"Please," Lilly begged again until Drena let out a heavy sigh.

"Okay," she capitulated. "But I will send for your sister. You will need her soon."

"That's fine," Lilly, agreed knowing that it would take Cara at over an hour to get to the hospital and by then Ben might be awake enough to tell him what was happening. There was no way she was going to the maternity wing while her husband was still unconscious.

Drena paused for a moment and then patted Lilly on her arm. "I will back soon – please try and rest," she urged.

"I will," Lilly smiled. "Thank you."

She watched as the young Helena then hurried out of the room before turning her attention to her husband once more.

"I don't know Ben," she sighed as she took his limp hand in hers. "What is it with our children? They seem to want to make an appearance at very inconvenient times."

Xxx

Cara sprinted up the stairs and into the twin's nursery. "I have to go," she told Niall who was sat feeding Sophie her bottle.

"Oh?" He frowned.

"Yes." Cara started stuffing a change of clothes in to an overnight bag. "Ben has collapsed at work and Lilly is with him but her waters have just broken so I need to be there for her…"

"Whoa, whoa," Niall interrupted, placing his daughter over his shoulder to wind her. "Benny collapsed?"

Cara hurried round the room, plucking equipment and baby clothes out of draws to add to her bag. "I don't know many details," she flashed her husband a quick reassuring smile, "Conrad sent Anton to fetch me and ma. He told me that Ben is going to be fine, he was just exhausted but Lilly's waters broke about an hour ago."

Niall stood rubbing Sophie's back as he continued to wind his daughter. "Do you need me to come with you?" He asked, handing Cara the pile of gowns she pointed at.

"No, no – you need to stay with the girls," Cara took the gowns off him and stuffed them into the bag. "Ma and I are going with Anton. Perhaps you could go to Pa's when the girls are ready. He is looking after Finn and I'm sure they will want to be there at the birth."

"Of course," Niall nodded, "will you tell your father?"

Cara squashed the bag down slightly, bucked up the buckle and stood, tucking her hair up into a bun. "Yes, we will fetch ma on our way and let father know the arrangements," she nodded with a smile and then took a deep breath. "Will you be alright here?" She asked, feeling guilty all of a sudden that she was leaving Niall to cope on his own.

"Of course, of course," Niall reassured, "you need to go – your sister needs you," he bent down and kissed the top of Cara's head.

"Thank you." Cara returned the kiss as a peck on his cheek and then kissed her daughters on their foreheads. "Be good girls for papi."

"We will be fine. Go…" Niall grinned.

Cara took another deep breath and then picked up her bag. "Wish me luck," she called over her shoulder as she started to hurry out of the room.

"Good luck," Niall called back.

Xxxx

Lilly stood hunched over at Ben's bedside, panting as she coped with another contraction. They were coming more and more frequently now and she was beginning to struggle with the pain.

"There we go, there we go," she mumbled as the contraction finally petered out. "That was a tough one, Ben," she sighed and rested her forehead on the cool rain that surrounded her husband's hospital bed.

Ben was still out and Lilly wasn't sure if it was due to the remaining sedation in his blood stream, his nasty head injury or his exhaustion. Probably all three.

When she could finally catch her breath, she slumped back down in her chair and took Ben's hand again. "You are missing all the fun," she chuckled as she rubbed her bump with her other hand. "This little one is getting impatient to meet us all."

Time was passing so quickly, Lilly was counting it down by each contraction, and each Helena's check on her condition. She knew that Conrad had ordered fifteen-minute checks and when there was a knock on the door, she turned and smiled at the young Helena who poked her head round the door.

"Hi Sarah," she greeted.

"How are you doing?" Sarah asked as she entered the room with a tray of food.

"We are doing just fine," Lilly smiled.

Sarah placed the tray on Ben's bedside cabinet and checked his readouts before turning to Lilly. "Are there no signs of a return to consciousness yet?" She asked, wrapping a blood pressure cuff round Lilly's arm.

"No, not yet," Lilly sighed, "his vitals are all good so I'm sure that he will wake when he is ready." She shifted in the chair to get more comfortable as Sarah inflated the cuff.

"Just try and relax," Sarah smiled. "This won't take long."

Lilly rested her head back and closed her eyes as Sarah completed her task. Although she wouldn't admit it, she was getting tired now.

"Blood pressure is just fine," Sarah told her as she undid the cuff. "How regular are the contractions?" She then asked and laid her hands on Lilly's bump.

"I was just going to ask the exact same thing!"

Lilly opened her eyes and smiled as Cara came striding into the room. "Hey sis," she greeted.

"You did not answer the question." Cara was quickly at her side and taking her pulse. "How far apart are your contractions, Lilly?"

Lilly turned to face her sister. "About five minutes," she shrugged.

Cara turned to Sarah after taking Lilly's pulse. "I can take things from here, thank you Sarah."

"Of course," Sarah bowed. "I have bought some food. Platon Beuner has given strict orders for Platon Ashton to eat," she smiled before taking her leave, leaving the two sisters alone.

Cara glanced over at Ben while she sorted through her bag. "How is he?" She asked.

Lilly sat upright and placed her hand on Ben's arm. "His vitals are stable."

"Will he be alright?"

"He will be just fine."

Cara hung her stethoscope round her shoulders and then pointed towards the other bed in the room. "Okay, bed Lilly," she ordered, "let's check you out." She reached down and gently helped Lilly to her feet.

"Who is with your girls?" Lilly asked as they slowly crossed to the bed.

"Niall has them in hand."

Lilly, with Cara's help, managed to climb on, swing her legs round and lie back. "Where is my Finn? Is he alright?"

Cara went to the end of the bed and pulled back Lilly's gown so she could gain access to do an internal examination. "Pa has Finn and Niall will pick them up later and bring them over here," she replied as she snapped on a pair of rubber gloves.

"What about Ma?"

"Ma is outside, waiting to see how you are," Cara smiled before starting the procedure. "Just try and relax, Lils," she urged when Lilly winched in discomfort.

"Okay, let's just see… you are at about six point dilation." She pulled out, removed her gloves and tossed them into the bowl on the bedside cabinet. "Put your legs down," she ordered and started to palpate Lilly's lump. "Baby is in the right position," she smiled. "Head is well engaged."

"Good," Lilly sighed, closing her eyes. She was then aware of Cara searching through her bag again. Her gown was undone and felt the familiar coldness of gel being liberally applied all over her stomach. Within seconds a strong, steady heartbeat echoed round the room.

"That is great," Cara smiled, quickly wiped the gel off and covered Lilly again. "So," she began as she perched on the end of the bed. "You are about half way there," she patted Lilly's knee. "How is the pain? Do you need anything?"

Lilly slowly shook her head from side to side, her eyes reaming shut. "No I'm fine – it's not too bad."

"Are you sure?" Cara asked when Lilly's statement was followed by soft groan. She placed her hand on her sister's bump. "Okay, here we go," she said, feeling Lilly's abdomen hardening for the next contraction.

"Mmm," Lilly moaned and her breathing quickened as she struggled to cope with the pain.

"Deep breaths, Lilly," Cara urged. "You know what to do."

Lilly nodded and shifted up the bed slightly as the contraction reached its crescendo. Curling round her abdomen she panted and waited for it to go. When it did, she flopped back on the bed and ran her hands through her sweat soaked curls. "Better now," she sighed.

Cara crossed to the food tray that Sarah had bought in and carried it back to Lilly's bed. She poured her sister a glass of water. "Here, drink," she ordered and passed her the glass. "I want to move you to the maternity wing," she stated as Lilly drank the water.

"No." Lilly's reply was adamant.

"I need to monitor you."

"You can do that here." Lilly handed back the now empty glass and closed her eyes again.

"Your contractions are going to get more painful – I have everything I need to help you there."

Lilly shook her head again. "I am not leaving Ben," she sighed. "He needs me."

"Don't be silly. Conrad can care for Ben. You need to be in the maternity wing," Cara repeated, her voice tinged with frustration.

"When Ben has woken," Lilly pushed up again and slowly swung her legs off the bed. "I will explain what is going on and then I will go with you." She stood on slightly shaky legs and patted Cara's arm. "Don't fight me on this sis," she sighed before crossing to her husband's side once more.

"You are _the_ most stubborn person in the whole of Mandana," Cara scolded.

"I know," Lilly grinned and slowly lowered herself into the chair. She picked up Ben's hand once more and continued her vigil.

This baby would just have to wait for its papi.

xxx

When Ben moaned and rolled his head from side to side, Lilly immediately sprang to her feet. "Ben?" She carded her fingers through his hair, hopping for a response. "Can you hear me, sweetheart?" She urged when Ben's eyes fluttered slightly and then sighed in disappointment when they closed again.

Day was turning to evening and there was still little response from the unconscious man. Conrad had ordered a head scan as he was becoming worried but thankfully, everything had been normal so all they could do was wait until Ben was ready to wake up.

Unfortunately, the baby was not as patient as everyone else was though.

Lilly was in hard labor now but still stubbornly refusing to move from her husband's bedside. No amount of cajoling or persuading from her sister or mother would change her mind and she had been pacing round the room, finding comfortable positions to deal with the pain of her contractions for over three hours now.

Cara and Hanah had been with her as much as she would allow them but their constant nagging and complaining had started to annoy her so she preferred to try to cope on her own.

All she wanted was for Ben to wake up. She wanted him to be with her, to watch his child come into the world. It wasn't too much to ask.

Soon the familiar hardening of her stomach had Lilly quickly retreating to her bed again. She climbed in and instantly rolled onto her side. Biting down on her bottom lip she turned her face into her pillow to smoother her screams as waves of agony swept over her.

Xxx

"That is enough."

Cara was staring through the window in the door when Lilly had stumbled back to bed. "She is going to the maternity wing, even if I have to drag her there myself." She started to push open the door but Hanah laid a hand on her arm.

"She does not want that," she spoke softly and calmly. "She wants to do this her way."

"Look at her!" Cara spat. "I cannot just stand by and watch her go through this on her own. I am her midwife, it is my job."

"And I am her mother but If she wanted us she would ask for us," Hanah sighed, feeling as annoyed and exasperated as her youngest daughter did. Lilly had fought them all the way. The more they tried to help her the more she'd rebuked there offers. She was adamant that she didn't want anyone to help her until the time came for the baby to be born.

Reluctantly, Cara and Hanah had given her the space she asked for but just standing by and watching as Lilly struggled was heartbreaking for them.

So, when Lilly slowly uncurled, both women sighed in relief. Another contraction was over.

"I'm just going to check on her progress," Cara patted her mother's hand. "I won't interfere, I promise."

Xxx

"Lilly?" Cara sat on the edge of the bed and gently wiped the sweat off her sister's forehead with a damp cloth. "I'm just going to give you a quick internal, if that's okay?"

"'Kay," Lilly mumbled drowsily and raised her legs. She was beginning to feel exhausted now and knew that the time was coming when she would need someone to help her with the pain.

Relaxing as much as she could she allowed her sister to do the procedure.

"You're nine point dilation now Lilly," Cara informed her as she lowered her legs back down. "We need to move you now, sweetie."

Lilly shook her head adamantly. "No. Not now. I need Ben."

"I am so sorry Lil," Cara took her hand. "This baby is not going to wait for its papi."

"No. No – it will. It has to. Ben has to be there." Lilly was getting more and more upset. Ben would be devastated if he missed the birth.

"Lilly, please – you have to be sensible…"

"Just five more minutes," Lilly struggled up in bed. "He was waking up. I just need five more minutes." She inched over to the side of the bed and started to climb down but another contraction hit her fast and hard.

"Gah!" She cried and curled round her stomach. She was then aware of her mother holding her hair back as her sister knelt in front of her, urging her to calm down.

"Need. To. Push." She panted as she struggled to breathe.

The next thing she knew there was a bang as the door opened before a wheelchair was wheeled in.

"No," she fought the hands that gently eased her into the chair. "I need Ben. Don't leave him on his own. Please!"

"Do not worry," Conrad's reassuring voice came from Ben's bed. "We have him in hand Lilly."

Lilly sobbed as she was then pushed out of the room.

She wanted her husband at her side.

She couldn't do this without him.

Xxx

"It is about time you joined us, platon," Anton smiled when Ben finally managed to open his eyes.

"Where am I?" Ben mumbled drowsily.

Anton took his patient wrist and started to take his pulse. "You tell me," he urged softly, noting the look of confusion on his friends face. It wasn't unusual to be confused after a knock to the head but the longer Ben had been unconscious the more concerned he'd become that there may be lasting damage.

"Um…"

He watched as Ben frowned and then winched in pain. "Take your time," he smiled, "I know things are a bit confusing at the moment."

Ben brought his hand up and felt the bandage on his forehead. "Hospital," he finally said and let his arm flop back on the bed.

"Do you know your name?" Anton picked up his pen light, lifted Ben's eyelid and checked for pupil reaction.

"B-ben A-ashton," Ben stuttered and tried to pull away from the light but Anton persevered with his check, noting his patient's sluggish response. He definitely had quite a severe concussion.

"And, where were you born?" He asked, clicking off his light and popping it in his top pocket.

"Earth," Ben responded softly before closing his eyes. "W-what happened?"

"You collapsed in your office," Conrad explained. "Took quite a knock to you head. You have been unconscious for several hours and we have been most concerned."

"Oh," Ben nodded slightly. "My head really hurts."

"I know. I will give you something for the pain in due course. I just want to take some more blood, make sure your blood sugars are better."

"'Kay."

"You have not been looking after yourself recently," Anton continued. "You have caused Lilly to worry very much about your condition."

"I know."

Anton was about to continue his lecture but noted how exhausted his patient sounded. "I will leave you to rest," he sighed and straightened Ben's covers. "There will be time to finish this discussion later, dear friend."

Ben didn't reply, his head just flopped to one side as he lost consciousness again.

Anton reached for the pre-filled syringe he had prepared earlier and emptied half the contents in to a port on the IV tube. Hopefully next time Ben came round he would be in a better condition and they would be able to tell him about Lilly.

Pulling the curtains around the bed, Conrad left his patient to rest.


	16. Chapter 16

Cara was kneeling in front of Lilly's wheelchair as they waited out another contraction. Lilly wept as she panted and tried desperately to control the pain. "Shh, shh," Cara soothed, rubbing her sisters knee to try to offer some comfort. "It's going to be okay."

As Lilly finally began to relax slightly, Cara glanced up at her mother. "Can you raise the head of the bed, ma?" She asked and then nodded towards Sarah who moved to her side and they then helped a shaking Lilly to her feet.

"Let's get you more comfortable," Cara said as they steered her towards the bed.

Hanah pulled back the sheets and Lilly gratefully climbed in. She rested back against the pillows, closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing.

Cara and her team then started to gather all the equipment they needed to help Lilly deliver her baby while Hanah sat at her daughter's side and blotted the sweat off her brow.

"You are doing wonderfully," Hanah, praised. "You've been so strong, I'm so very proud of you."

Lilly turned her head and opened her eyes. "Where's Finn?" She asked softly.

"Your father is on his way with him," Hanah smiled as she wiped her cloth down Lilly's neck and across her still heaving chest. "I am sure he is so excited."

"Uh huh," Lilly mumbled, her eyes drooping as a wave of exhaustion suddenly washed over her. She then allowed the soothing touch of her mother's care to lull her into a light doze, aware of hushed voices all around her and of medical personel coming and going. Cara had her team were trained very well and Lilly submitted her tired body to all their checks while waiting for the next contraction, knowing that very soon she will have her baby in her arms.

She just wished that Ben were at her side. Mandanan law used to dictate that fathers should not be present at the birth of their children, that it was 'women's work' but, since the introduction of the midwifery program, all that had changed. Men were encouraged to be at their wife's sides and most women found great comfort from their presence. Lilly longed for Ben to be with her, especially as he'd seen Finn come into the world and, when her stomach began to harden again, she couldn't help but sob out his name.

Xxx

"Ben!"

Cara glanced up from her checks when Lilly called out her husband's name. Realizing that another contraction had started she quickly moved to Lilly's side. "Here we go again," she smiled, placing her hand on Lilly's stomach. "Take it nice and slow."

"Can't. Hurts," Lilly groaned as she squirmed on the bed as the contraction grew.

"I know, I know," Cara sympathized, "I wish I could give you some pain relief but you're almost there now." She took Lilly's hand as she continued to cry out in pain. "Just squeeze my hand, Lil," she urged but Lilly shook her head and pushed up in bed.

"Need. To. Push," she panted and lifted her legs.

Cara rushed to the end of the bed, pulling the covers off on her way. After giving her mother a reassuring smile, she sat on the stool that Sarah had situated in position and prepared herself. "Okay, Lilly. I can see the head," she confirmed after a quick examination. "Push when you are ready."

Lilly took a deep breath, closed her eyes tightly shut and pushed…

"Good, good. You're doing great," Cara praised as she concentrated on her task. "Keep going, keep going…"

Lilly strained and pushed with all her might as her contraction continued.

Hanah whispered words of encouragement as she took Lilly's hand and, after what seemed like forever, the contraction finally petered out and Lilly flopped back onto her pillows with a sob.

"I can't do this," she cried as Hanah then wiped the sweat off her forehead.

"Of course you can," Hanah smiled. "You have done all the hard work, you know that. A few more pushes and your next angel will be here."

"I need Ben," Lilly continued to cry as she rolled her head from side to side.

"I know you do, my love," Hanah sighed, "but we are with you all the way, aren't we Cara?"

"We sure are," Cara agreed and then parted Lilly's legs in preparation again. "I think that your next contraction will deliver the head, Lils so you need to be ready to pant as soon as I say." She then turned to Sarah.

"Can you get some fresh towels and the crib ready please Sarah?"

"Yes, ma'm," Sarah nodded before turning to retrieve the crib they had on standby.

They then sat in silence, allowing Lilly to catch her breath until she let out a low mew of pain.

Hanah helped her daughter to sit up again and Lilly hung her head so that her chin practically touched her chest and started to push…

Xxx

"Here we go, here we go Lilly." Cara took a deep breath. "One more push and it will all be over."

Lilly was screaming in agony as she pushed her child out. The head and shoulders had been delivered and Cara knew that this would be the final push.

"Good girl, good girl," she praised as Lilly pushed as hard as she could. Suddenly, Cara had her hands full of a screaming wriggling baby and after Lilly had flopped back in bed, exhausted she eased the still screaming new born onto her Mami's stomach.

"It's a little girl," she grinned, wiping the baby's back with a towel. "You have a beautiful daughter Lilly."

"R-really?" Lilly panted and shivered in reaction. She reached down with a shaky hand and stroked the mop of hair on her baby's head.

"Yes, she is so beautiful." Cara beamed and then allowed Lilly a few minutes to recover as she carefully cut the umbilical cord, checked the new mother out and cleaned away the soiled sheeting. She then reached for the baby and handed her over to Sarah who was standing holding a towel out in readiment.

"Is s-she o-okay?" Lilly stuttered as she watched the Helena take the baby over to the crib.

"She is just fine," Cara confirmed with a smile as the newborn continued to cry. "She has a good set of lungs on her," she chuckled and pulled a sheet up to Lilly's chest. "We are going to clean her up and you need to rest."

"'Kay," Lilly mumbled, snuggling into the blanket Hanah then laid on top of her and then watched Sarah with half hooded eyes, the spur of adrenalin quickly dissipating leaving her feeling exhausted.

Cara took advantage of her patient's lethargy and moved to the end of the bed again to deliver her placenta. As she reached to turn back the sheet, she smiled at her mother. "I think you'd best go and tell pa and young Finn the good news," she suggested.

Hanah smiled back but continued to card her fingers through Lilly's hair, watching as her eldest daughter's eyes closed and stay closed. "Is she going to be alright?" She asked softly.

"She's going to be just fine. Just give me ten minutes or so to sort them both out and I'll come and find you, okay?"

Hanah nodded slowly, kissed the now slumbering Lilly on her forehead and made her way out of the room, giving Cara's shoulder a squeeze on her way past. "You did a wonderful job, Cara," she praised.

"So did you," Cara grabbed her hand and returned the squeeze. "Now, go tell everyone the good news. I'll be out soon."

Xxx

"Hang on." Sergi bent and picked Finn up. "Sit still," he ordered softly as he sat his grandson on the bed next to his Mami.

"I wanna hold her," Finn wriggled around, trying to get as close to his baby sister as possible.

Lilly smiled as she cradled her now clean daughter. Cara had allowed her half an hour sleep and she was feeling much better for it, still very tired but strong enough to allow one very excited little boy to meet his little sister.

"Scoot back so you're resting against my pillow," she urged gently and when Finn finally settled, she placed the sleeping baby in his arms. "Make sure you cradle her head, Finny."

"I've got her," Finn grinned before leaning and kissing his sisters forehead. "I wanted a baby brother but she is quite nice. Maybe next time?"

"Whoa there young man," Lilly chuckled. "This is not the time to discuss the next time!" She looked round the faces of her family who had all gathered to welcome the new arrival and everyone's grins were as big as hers was. She felt a pang of pain though, realizing that the most important person was missing.

"Does anyone know how Ben is?" She asked as she rested back on her pillows again.

"Conrad said he was awake for a few minutes earlier but wasn't with it too much," Cara told her quietly, not wanting to worry Finn. His grandfather had explained to him that his Papi was a little bit poorly and needed to rest as much as possible but Finn had insisted on seeing Ben for himself. Conrad had reassured him that he would be fine and Finn had seemed happy enough.

"Uncle Conrad said that Papi just needed to get a good night sleep," Finn looked at Lilly and nodded.

"Well – that's good," Lilly smiled. "He is going to need to have a good rest before we introduce him to our new arrival, isn't he Finn?"

"Uh huh," Finn nodded again and then gave his attention to his sister who had opened her eyes and was staring at him. "Look, Mami – she is awake. Hello baby sister, I am your big brother."

Lilly felt tears spring to her eyes as she watched how gentle her little boy was being. She was so proud of him.

"And, there is Grandpi and Grandmi," Finn nodded towards his grandparents. "And, Auntie Cara and Uncle Niall. Sophie and Rachael are wif Uncle Anton and you will meet them soon and be all girls together…"

Lilly closed her eyes and let the soft conversation that continued wash over her. She hadn't realized she had drifted off until she felt a feather like kiss on her forehead.

"Nite, Mami," Finn said softly. "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered back and watched as her father bent down and picked him up.

"Come on Finn, let's let Mami sleep," Sergi smiled, placed him on the floor and then kissed his daughter on the cheek. "Well done sweetheart, you did a magnificent job. She is so beautiful."

"Thanks pa."

One by one, the rest of the family then said their goodbyes, leaving just Cara behind with Lilly.

"Do you think you can feed your girl before you go to sleep," Cara smiled as she rocked the baby.

Lilly nodded and Cara laid the little girl next to her and helped her latch on to her breast. She then sat at the chair next to the bed. "I'll stay with you for a while," she grabbed her paper work and, with one eye on her sleepy sister and hungry niece, she opened her first file, ready to log the arrival of the newest member of the Tanger/Ashton family.

Xxx

Cara knocked on Conrad's office door and then poked her head round. "Hey," she smiled.

Conrad looked up from his paperwork and smiled back. "How are mother and daughter?" He asked and then closed his file.

"Doing well," Cara nodded. "Little one is fed and changed and both are sleeping."

"How was the birth?"

Cara entered the room and took a seat. "Straightforward, thank goodness," she sighed in relief.

"Is Lilly alright?"

"She's absolutely fine, tired obviously but she did wonderfully well and her daughter is just perfect."

"Good," Conrad smiled, leaning back in his chair. "At least something has gone smoothly for them at last."

"Yes, indeed," Cara agreed. "They deserved some good news after all they have been through recently."

"They surely did. I hope that this news will now be the turning point for them. We just need young Benjamin back on his feet now."

"How is he?" Cara asked, stifling a yawn into the crook of her arm, exhaustion catching up with her all of a sudden.

"Still pretty out of it," Conrad sighed. "Drifting in and out of consciousness and not really lucid the times he is awake."

"Shouldn't he be showing more signs of improvement by now?" Cara frowned.

"I am not too worried; his vitals are all in the normal range. He is just taking his time and I must admit, I'm not surprised. He really was in a poor condition prior to his collapse. It will just take him a while to get over it."

Cara couldn't suppress the yawn that then escaped before she started to reply. "Do you need me to…?"

Conrad reached over and placed his hand over hers. "I need you to go home, get some rest and have a cuddle with your girls," he smiled kindly.

Cara shook her head. "I'm fine," she protested. "I want to be here when Lilly wakes…"

"We will take good care of her, you know that."

"I know that, but when she wakes she's going to be so worried about Ben."

"I know, and," Conrad leaned back again. "I've been thinking. I would like to keep a close eye on her because of what happened after Finn's birth so was going to suggest she stayed in hospital for a few days and I think that I'll move her into Ben's room then we can watch over both of them."

"That's a good idea," Cara nodded and smiled. "Because you know that she'll up out of bed, rushing to her husband's side as soon as she can."

"I am sure she will be," Conrad agreed, "and I understand that. We will let her have a good night's sleep and move her in the morning."

Cara started to push up out of the chair, happy that her sister and family were in good hands. "You will fetch me if there are any problems won't you?"

"Of course," Conrad stood and smiled. "Just get some rest yourself, my dear. Please tell your family that they can visit after lunch, I want my patients to get some quality, undisturbed rest themselves."

"I will," Cara nodded. "You know where I am if you need me."

"I do. Just go, Cara Wenton," Conrad shooed her out of his office. "Rest well."

Xxx

"Good morning, Mrs. Ashton," Conrad smiled and reached for Lilly's chart. "Did you manage to sleep much?"

"How's Ben?" Lilly sat forward eagerly. She had been awake for hours, eaten breakfast and taken a shower. She had been waiting for Conrad to do his rounds so she could go and check on her husband.

Conrad continued to read her chart, ignoring her question before crossing to the crib at the side of Lilly's bed. "She is really beautiful, Lilly," he smiled and watched as the newborn wriggled her nose and squeaked. "Did she keep you up much?"

"No, she was really good," Lilly sighed and then allowed Conrad to take her take her temperature, taking his silence to her question to mean that Ben was still unwell.

"Temperature is fine," Conrad removed the thermometer after it beeped. "And, everything else looks good too. The midwifery team is very happy with baby, so…"

"So, I can leave?" Lilly ventured and started to swing her legs off the bed but Conrad laid a hand on her knee to halt her movement.

"No, I'd like you to stay in hospital," he said softly, knowing that she would not be happy with the news and, taking one look at the stubborn set of her jaw, he knew he was right.

"No," Lilly crossed her arms adamantly. "I have done all that was asked. I ate my breakfast, took a shower, fed the baby and am ready to leave."

Conrad sat her side and took her hand in his. "I would rather you stayed." He placed his finger on her lips when she started to protest again. "After what happened after Finn's birth, I would like to keep a close eye on you for a day or two."

"This time is different, the birth was easier – I feel absolutely fine!"

"Please do not fight me on this Lilly. You know Ben would want this too…"

"Speaking of Ben - you didn't answer me. How is my husband?"

"His vitals are in the normal range but he is still struggling to wake up," Conrad sighed sadly.

"I need to be with him," Lilly withdrew her hand from his.

"I know you do," Conrad conceded, "that is why I am going to suggest to move you into his room. We can monitor you both from there."

Lilly nodded slowly. "Okay, that's fine, I am happy with that," she agreed. "I just want to be with him," she added with tears springing in her eyes.

"I know you do," Conrad repeated, pulling her in for a one armed hug. "I'll go and get everything together and we will move you as soon as we can."

Lilly melted into his embrace. "Thank you," she sniffed. "I just don't want him to be on his own."

xxx

Lilly sat, feeding her daughter, watching as medical personal checked her husband's condition. She was itching to see to him herself but had reluctantly agreed that she was a patient at the moment and needed to leave others to care for Ben.

Anton and his team seemed relaxed as they took his vitals so she wasn't too worried. She was just impatient for him to wake up and meet his daughter.

She had hoped that her presence would help but it had been nearly six hours since she had been transferred and Ben was still unconscious.

"Any improvement?" She called over when Anton replaced Ben's chart onto the end of the bed.

"He's comfortable," Anton told her as he strolled across the room. "His last blood results were much improved so I'm sure it will not be too long before he wakes now," he smiled, reached for Lilly's chart and started to scan the entries. "Looks like mother and daughter are doing just fine," he nodded as he read.

"We're fine," Lilly sighed, resting her head back against her pillows. "Just fed up of watching papi sleep, aren't we poppet?" She shifted slightly so her daughter could feed more comfortably.

"Well," Anton replaced Lilly's chart, "I'd make the most of the peace and quiet. It is nearly visiting time and I know this room will soon be full," he grinned.

"I know," Lilly chuckled, knowing that Finn would be pestering her parents to bring him to visit. "Finn was so excited last night, well – everyone was and I suppose my peace will be shattered very soon."

When there was a knock at the door, Anton turned and grinned at the little face that was looking through the window. "Actually," he turned to Lilly again. "I think the time for peace shattering is imminent," he laughed before crossing to open the door.

Lilly beamed at the sight of her son who slowly walked in with a huge bouquet of summer meadow flowers, followed by her parents who both and gifts tucked under their arms. "Hey," she greeted warmly.

"Hi, mami," Finn grinned and placed the flowers on the end of the bed. "Them are for you. I picked them myself. Can I see my sister?" He stood on tiptoe to get a better look.

Lilly patted the bed and Finn carefully clambered on and started to stroke his sister's hair as she continued to feed. Lilly smiled at her mother as Hanah gathered the flowers together and placed them in the empty vase on her bedside cabinet. "Thank you for my flowers, Finny," she reached and ruffled Finns hair with her free hand. "They are beautiful."

"S'okay," Finn shrugged, continuing to pet his little sister.

Hanah bent down and kissed Lilly on top of her head. "How are you feeling, my love?" She asked before giving her granddaughter a quick peck on the cheek.

"I'm fine," Lilly smiled. "This little one has been really good so I have been able to catch up with my rest." She assured and watched her father as he crossed to Ben's bed. "He's doing better, pa," she told him.

"Has he woken at all?" Sergi turned and asked.

"Not yet, but Anton is hopeful it will not be long now. They are not concerned in anyway."

"Good, that's good," Sergi nodded and then returned to Lilly's side. "We've bought you a few things," he said reaching into his bag and pulling out a small colorfully wrapped box. "This is from your mother and I," he smiled and placed it on her lap.

"Thank you," Lilly smiled back. "Would you open it for me please, Finny," she turned asked her son. "I have my hands full at the moment," she added with a chuckle.

Finn grinned as he picked up the present and then very carefully unwrapped it. "Look, mami," he gasped and held up the ornately carved wooden box. "It's just like my special box!"

Greta and Mari Quinn had given Finn a very similar family heirloom when he was born and Lilly looked at her parents with a knowing smile on her face.

"Did you make this, pa?"

"Indeed I did," Sergi nodded. "I've tried to copy Finns as much as possible but have made it unique enough so you can tell them apart."

"It is gorgeous and perfect, thank you."

"My pleasure."

Hanah then placed another package in Finns arms and he eagerly opened it. "Look mami," he held up the yellow cardigan that he found inside it. "This is for my baby sister!"

"I'm guessing you made this, ma," Lilly grinned.

"Of course," Hanah shrugged with a smile. "I just hope it fits. This little one is much bigger than Finn was when he was born."

"Thank you."

"You are very welcome."

Lilly and her family then relaxed together as chatted about the events of the past few days. The new addition to the family was passed around her grandparents and Lilly felt a feeling of contentment that she hadn't felt for a while.

She just needed one more person to finish the perfect picture and, when Ben whimpered and shifted in bed, she quickly looked over; half expecting to see him watching them but when he turned his head away, her heart sank. He was obviously too comfortable wherever he was at the moment.

"Let's count her fingers and toes!"

Finns excited chatter then filled the air as he inspected his now sleeping sister.

Ben was missing so much.

Xxx

Lilly placed her daughter in her crib and gently tucked her in. It was past midnight and she had just finished the night feed. She crossed to Ben's side and took his hand.

Her husband was getting more and more restless now.

She pulled up a chair and reached to stroke his forehead, mindful of the bandage that still covered the nasty wound. "Hey honey," she whispered as he groaned and turned his head. "Are you thinking of waking up any time soon, my love?"

She watched as Ben twitched his nose and frowned deeply. "Come on sweetheart," she urged gently. "There is someone I know you are eager to meet." She continued to sooth her husband, knowing that he was struggling towards consciousness and, when he finally managed to open his eyes slightly, she smiled. "Hey there," she greeted, continuing to tenderly stroke his forehead. "You've been a sleep a long time my love."

"Lilly?" Ben whispered, licking his lips and Lilly reached for the glass of water off his cabinet.

She angled the straw into his mouth. "Just take some small sips," she urged and held the glass steady until Ben finished.

"What time is it?" He asked sleepily as she replaced the glass.

Lilly picked up his hand again. "It is past midnight," she told him softly.

"Oh," Ben mumbled, his eyes closing again.

Lilly stroked the back of his hand, thinking that he was drifting off once more but when he cleared his throat, she glanced up again.

"What happened?" He asked.

"You collapsed in your office two days ago, my love."

"I don't remember," Ben opened his eyes again and frowned.

"Well, you hit you head pretty hard and have been unconscious ever since."

"I've been unconscious for two days?" Ben bought his hand up to finger the bandage on his forehead.

"In and out," Lilly nodded. "It was quite a knock."

"It must have been," Ben sighed, as his arm flopped back on the bed. "It doesn't hurt now."

"That's because Conrad has you hooked up to all sorts of medication," Lilly smiled gently.

"Oh." Ben continued to frown as he inspected the back of his hand, suddenly realizing that he hooked up to an IV. "I remember being really tired and very unhappy."

"All understandable. You were grieving."

Ben stared at his hand for a while and then looked at Lilly again. "I'm sorry," he sighed.

"What for?" Lilly frowned.

"For being so difficult to live with," Ben shrugged. "I know I withdrew and that was unfair on you and Finn."

"It is forgotten." Lilly smiled.

"No, it was unforgivable," Ben slowly shook his head. "You had enough stress with Finn and the baby on the way…" He paused and stared at Lilly, really stared. "Lilly?"

"Yes my love?"

"What…?"

Lilly smoothed her gown down and Ben's eyes opened wider. "Have you…? I mean are you…? Um… What?"

Lilly patted his hand. "Hold on," she grinned, stood and crossed to her bed. She reached in and gently lifted her sleeping baby and returned to Ben's side, giggling at the expression of complete surprise on his face.

"Do you want to meet you daughter?" She laid their little girl at his side, sat back down and watched as Ben gently traced the sleeping baby's face with his fingers.

"Oh, Lilly," he sighed. "She is so beautiful."

Lilly reached and brushed away the tear that trickled down his cheek. "She is absolutely perfect."

Ben blinked slowly as he inspected his daughter and then looked up at Lilly and grabbed her hand. "Are you alright?" He asked urgently.

"I am fine. The birth was quick and I have been very well looked after by my sister and mother."

"When was she born?"

"Yesterday evening."

"I m-missed her f-first d-day," Ben returned his attention to his daughter, tears now falling freely down his face.

"Oh, Ben – please don't cry. It's okay. We were just fine."

"I'm s-so s-sorry," Ben hiccupped, starting to get upset and Lilly quickly crossed to the door and asked a Helena to fetch Conrad.

"You need to calm down my love," she then urged when she returned to his side. "Please try and relax, everyone is just fine. This little one is perfect, I am well rested, Finn is happy with my parents you need to rest and get better, shh, shh."

She turned at the sound of the door and smiled at Conrad. "Look who's awake," she smiled and then moved to one side to allow the platon to administer to his patient.

"Well, hello Ben," Conrad greeted and took Bens wrist and started to take his pulse. "I see you have been introduced to your daughter," he smiled as he watched Ben stroked his little girls' head as he continued to silently cry. "Okay, Ben – you need to try and relax," his tone turned to one of concern as he concentrated on the racing heartbeat under his fingers. "How is your pain?" He asked.

"My h-head h-hurts," Ben admitted as he sobbed.

"Okay, I'm just going to do something about that." Conrad turned when a Helena appeared at his side. He smiled and accepted the pre-filled syringe she offered him and then quickly emptied the contents into an IV port. "Just try and relax now, you'll soon feel better." He double-checked the flow and then motioned Lilly forward. "He will sleep again soon," he told her.

"I know," Lilly smiled and took her seat again.

"I will leave him in your more than capable hands," Conrad nodded. "You know where we are if you need anything and do not tire yourself."

"I won't," Lilly promised and took Ben's hand again; giving it a squeeze when she noticed that he was starting to relax slightly.

Conrad noted his actions in Bens chart, drew the curtains round the bed and left his friends alone, knowing that Ben needed his family around him more than anything else at the moment.


	17. Chapter 17

Lilly looked from her breakfast and smiled at the sight of two drowsy blue eyes watching her. "Good morning," she greeted, placing her spoon down and pushing away her rollaway table. "How are you feeling, my love?"

Ben had finally dropped off to sleep after continually apologizing for missing his daughter's birth. Lilly had felt so sorry for him; nothing she said would ease the pain he felt so she just held him, telling him that everything would be all right until he surrendered to the drug running through his blood stream. She, herself had managed to get some quality sleep as the baby had only woken one more time during the night for a feed so she felt so much more refreshed today.

Ben lay on his side, just blinking slowly, staring at his wife. "Was it a dream?" He finally asked, bringing his hand up to touch his forehead.

Lilly quickly got out of bed, reached for the crib and pushed the sleeping baby over to her father's side. "No it wasn't," she smiled.

Ben reached out and rested his hand on the side of the crib. "We have a daughter?"

"Yes, we have a daughter, Ben," Lilly nodded slowly and perched on the edge of his bed. "Do you feel up to giving her a cuddle?"

Ben didn't reply, he just nodded and Lilly walked round to the top of the bed and levered it up slightly so he was upright. "Are you sure?" She asked, noting his grimace of pain in the change of position.

"I'm sure," he managed to smile reassuringly and she gently plucked the sleeping child out of the crib and lowered her into his open arms.

"I can't believe she is here." Ben cradled his little girl with tears in his eyes. "She is so beautiful."

"Well," Lilly shrugged with a grin as she sat at his side again. "She obviously takes after her mami!"

"Obviously," Ben sighed, rolled his eyes and then groaned. "Ow. Don't let me do that again, it hurts."

"Do you need some pain relief?" Lilly glanced round the room, hoping to see a Helena.

"No, no – I'm fine," Ben quickly reassured, "the drugs make me too groggy. I want to remember this moment," he smiled softly as his daughter stretched and squeaked. "I can't believe she's really here," he repeated with a sigh.

"She is really here," Lilly smiled and nodded. "She is just so perfect Ben."

Ben continued to stare at the precious bundle in his arms. "Does she have a name?" He asked as he slowly rocked her.

"You don't think I'd name her without you, do you?"

"I don't know… I just," Ben shrugged.

"We name her together," Lilly reached and carded her fingers through Ben's hair. "What would you like to call her, my love?"

Ben turned to face her. "I don't know," he sighed and then narrowed his eyes. "What are you reading at the moment?" He asked, knowing that Lilly had been very keen to name Finn - Huckleberry after Huckleberry Finn.

"Well – father is continuing to read Peter Pan with Finn…"

"I don't like the name Wendy."

"How about, Tiger Lilly?"

"Nope."

"Tinkerbelle?"

"No way."

"Nana?"

"Lilly – seriously?"

Lilly laughed as she shook her head. "I am merely joking," she admitted and Ben sighed in relief. "Actually," she then continued. "I have been thinking. What do you think about Conner?"

"Conner?" Ben frowned.

"Yes. After your brother."

Ben thought for a while and then returned his attention to the sleeping child. "Conner is a boy's name on Earth. How about Constance instead?"

"Constance," Lilly mused. "I like that," she then agreed with a smith.

"Connie for short."

"That is a beautiful name."

"For a beautiful girl."

The new parents then sat and stared at their little Connie as she continued to sleep in her papi's arms.

Their family was now complete.

Xxx

The joy of the moments spent with Connie in the morning quickly disappeared as Ben's condition began to deteriorate as the day went on.

Lilly had been lulled into a false sense that everything was going to get better quickly but when Ben started to vomit again after Finn's afternoon visit, she'd known that things were never that simple in their lives.

Ben was sleeping now after Conrad had adjusted his medication and all Lilly could do was watch him as he tossed and turned restlessly.

She was so grateful for her sisters company as she settled her little girl down for the night.

"Has he been like this all day?" Cara asked as Ben groaned again and turned onto his back.

"No, he was much improved this morning but he went downhill this afternoon. I am so disappointed for him."

"What does Conrad say?" Cara passed Lilly a diaper when she held her hand out for one.

"He says that he is not too concerned. His concussion was quite serious and he just needs to rest." Lilly took the diaper and started to change Connie. "At least he felt well enough to spend a short while with Finn today as his boy has missed him so much recently."

"It has been a difficult time for all of you."

Lilly pulled Connie's gown back down, lifted her up and rested her over her shoulder. "Yes it has," she agreed as she rubbed her daughters back. "Hopefully, now Connie is here we can start our lives over again."

"I am sure you will," Cara smiled reassuringly.

Lilly glanced over when Ben moaned again and sighed heavily. "It is time our luck changed."

Xxx

The next day passed pretty much the same as the day before. Lilly dealing with Connie as Ben continued to struggle with his concussion.

Although his headache had lessoned somewhat today, Ben had been too nauseous to eat, despite Conrad's best efforts and had spent most of the day with his head buried under his covers.

Lilly had tried to have conversations with him but he had felt so sick that he barely acknowledged her or Connie, which had upset her greatly.

The fact that her milk had come in hadn't helped and, yet again, she had been very grateful for the pep talk and comforting presence of her mother.

Her father and Finn had wisely kept away today. Sergi had taken his grandson on a fishing trip, clearing the day for Hanah to spend with her daughter and she was just having a cuddle with her Granddaughter as Lilly took a bath.

Connie looked so much like Lilly to her. Her dark hair was already curling slightly round her ears, just as Lilly's had when she was a baby. Connie's fair skin was just like Lilly's and unlike Finns, which was, sallow more like his fathers.

Hanah just hoped that Connie had her mother's lovely laid-back temperament and that she gave her mami as much joy as Lilly had given her.

"Is she asleep?"

Hanah turned at the sound of Lilly's voice. "Yes she is," she whispered and watched Lilly towel dry her hair as she crossed to her bed. "Did you have a nice bath, my love?"

Lilly sat on the edge of the bed, continuing to dry her hair. "It was nice, thank you for bringing in the bubble bath."

"Ah, I knew you would appreciate that," Hanah grinned.

Lilly removed her towel, tossed it onto the chair, and then sat back in bed. "I'm so tired," she sighed, closing her eyes and rubbing her temples.

Hanah stood and gently placed Connie back in her crib. She then grabbed Lilly's brush off the table and sat at her daughter's side. "Let's get this brushed and you can get some sleep," she smiled and started to gently run the brush through Lilly's tangled curls.

Lilly relaxed, allowing the soothing action to wash over her. "Thanks ma," she mumbled sleepily.

"You have no need to thank me, my child," Hanah smiled softly as she continued to brush Lilly's hair. "It is what mothers do."

Xxx

Lilly woke with a start, drenched in sweat and with her heart beating wildly.

Macabre dreams of shallow graves filled with dead babies had assailed her sleep, forcing her to sit bolt upright and cry out. She quickly glanced over at Ben, worried that she may have woken him but was happy to see him still sleeping; at least her nightmare hadn't disturbed his rest.

After Connie's last feed, she had struggled to sleep and had spent what seemed like an age, tossing and turning before entering a twilight world where there was no escaping the haunting images.

Drawing her legs into her chest, she rested her aching head on her knees and turned to face her daughters crib. With the sound of her heart still pounding in her ears she looked in, half expecting to see a corpse but was overwhelming relieved to see Connie sleeping like an angel.

She watched her for a while as she struggled to control of her shaking body. Helena's hushed voices came from the corridor as they went about their business and Lilly was in two minds whether to call someone or not but, when the sound of an alarm from one of the side wards was followed by the sound of rapid footsteps, she inched over and sat on the edge of the bed. She didn't want to waste anyone's time over a stupid nightmare, no matter how awful it had made her feel.

With hands that still shook, she reached for the jug of water and poured herself a glass, which she gratefully emptied as quickly as she could before pouring another one. She was so thirsty but when she went to drink the second glass, her stomach rolled so she placed it back on the bedside table, hung her head, and concentrated on keeping hold of last night's supper. She waited for a few minutes but the water continued to swash around uncomfortably so she pushed herself upright and had to quickly grab hold of the table when her shaking legs threatened to fold under her. After taking a few deep breaths, she then tiptoed into the bathroom, trying her hardest not to wake her husband or daughter.

Holding on to the sink with one hand for support, she reached for the water jug, filled the bowl and then scoped up the water and splashed it over her face. The cold water felt wonderful on her hot skin and she swilled her face a few more times before reaching for a towel. As she blotted the moisture off she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. She was shocked to see how flushed she looked and, after discarding the towel she placed her hand on her forehead, her heart sinking when she felt burning skin still.

She couldn't be sick. Not now. Not again!

Stumbling backwards, she gratefully felt for the toilet and quickly sat down. Her head still pounded and her stomach churned but she couldn't decide whether it was due to reaction to the nightmare or that she was really coming down with some sort of illness. She had to calm down but the more she tried to the faster the pulse raced under the fingertips she placed on her wrist.

"Come on, come on," she told herself. "It was only a dream. You're all right."

She was so frightened. She had barely survived the uterus infection that suddenly hit her after Finns birth; she couldn't go through that again.

"It's all in your mind, Lilly Ashton," she mumbled as she then pulled her sweat soaked gown off. "You are just fine." She stood on shaking legs and stroked her stomach. "See it doesn't hurt, you are just being silly." Still taking deep breaths to ward off the diming of her world, she quickly checked her discharge, almost passing out with relief when she found it was normal.

Quickly sitting back down again, she hung her head between her knees and slowly the shadows in the corners of her vision disappeared and the ringing in her ears lessoned. Finally happy that she wasn't going to faint, she stood again and slowly made her way back into her room, grabbing a fresh gown off the pile that had been left on a chair.

After dressing again, she gingerly crept back into bed and curled up in a ball. When she started to shiver she pulled her covers tighter, closed her eyes and tried to sleep, feeling sure that if she slept she would feel better but within minutes the images started again only this time each of the babies had long curly red hair and cried out her name.

"Stop it, stop it," she ground her fists into her eyes in frustration and fear. She turned onto her back, placed her arm over her eyes, and tried to think of fun times, of Ben and Finn but she just couldn't.

Time was losing meaning and she had no idea how long she then ended up tossing and turning once more. The sound of her little girl's cry was actually welcoming in the end. At least she could concentrate on something to distract from how unwell she was beginning to feel.

So, she kicked back her covers, grateful for the cool breeze that then wafted her now hot body and then reached in the cot for her baby.

"Hey, sweetie," she whispered so not to disturb Ben and cradled her daughter. "Patience my girl."

She quickly removed her breast and urged her daughter to feed. "Hush now, we don't want to wake Papi, he needs his rest." As Connie began to suckle, Lilly held her breath, expecting her stomach to hurt but released the breath gratefully when there wasn't even a twinge. Perhaps she wasn't sick after all.

"Silly Mami," she sighed softly and rested her aching head back against her pillows. "It was all in my imagination, Constance," she shifted slightly and started to relax as Connie continued to feed.

She then closed her eyes, allowed the soothing motion of her child suckling to wash over her and began to finally drift off.

Xxxx

"Can you go and do Ben's vitals?" Anton asked Sarah and passed her his file. "He was fine the last time we checked but my father wants to keep a close eye on him."

"Of course," Sarah smiled. "Do you want me to check on Lilly and Connie while I'm there?"

"Cara saw them during evening rounds and they were both sound asleep. If they're sleeping let them carry on." Anton gathered the rest of his files and then made for the door. "I will be in my night quarters going through my paper work if you need me at all."

"Yes platon," Sarah nodded, grabbed her stethoscope and followed him into the corridor. "It's a busy night I see," she said as several Helena's rushed passed her.

"There has been three births already," Anton nodded.

"Goodness. That must be some sort of record!"

"Probably," Anton agreed as he reached his quarter's door. "Right, I have written Ben up for some more pain relief if he needs it but I know he was much more comfortable today so hopefully we can hold back on it now. I know my father is keen to discharge the Aston's in the morning, if we can sort Ben's nausea out. We had added some Compazine so hopefully that will do the trick," he smiled as he pushed down on the door handle. "Call me if you need me," he repeated before retreating into his room.

"I will," Sarah promised and carried on down the corridor to Ben and Lilly's private room. She picked up the lamp from outside the door and crept in.

She smiled at the sight of Ben, curled up on his side snoring softly. She quietly put the lamp down and wrapped her fingers round his wrist to take his pulse.

Satisfied that it was normal she then inserted a thermometer into his ear and was happy to find that his temperature was fine as well. She grabbed the chart from the end of the bed and noted her findings before smoothing his blanket and picking up her lamp again. Platon Ashton was resting comfortably.

On her way to the door, she quickly shone the lamp in Lilly's direction, happy to see Connie latched onto her mother's breast seeming to be feeding contently.

When Lilly opened her eyes and blinked slowly at her, Sarah took a step closer. "Is everything alright, Lilly?" She whispered. "Do you need anything?"

Lilly continued to stare and Sarah frowned, puzzled at her reaction. "Are you alright, Lilly?" She ventured again, shinning the lamp closer and watched as Lilly jumped slightly.

"Sorry, Sarah," she yawned. "I was just dozing."

Sarah smiled. "I didn't mean to make you jump. I was just checking on your husband."

"Is he alright?"

"He is just fine."

"Good."

"Do you need a hand with Connie before I go?"

"No, no. I'm fine," Lilly smiled. "She has just about finished so I'm going to change her and get some sleep myself. What time is it?"

"Dawn will soon be on us," Sarah returned the smile and then watched Lilly gently remove Connie and lay her on the bed. "I'll leave you to it then," she dimmed her lamp slightly. "Call if you need anything," she called as she turned and made her way out of the room.

"I will," Lilly called back, waited a couple of minutes until she was sure that the young Helena had left and then rested her head back against her pillows with a groan.

She felt awful. Her whole body ached and she was alternating between feeling bitterly cold to burning hot. So much for mind over matter.

She was defiantly sick but when Connie started to cry again she knew she had to pull herself together and change her before trying to sleep once more.

"Please Connie, don't cry," she soothed as she lifted her legs to remove her diaper. "Mami is sick and we need to get you settled again so she can rest and get better."

After making quick work of winding and changing her little girl, she gently lowered her back in her cot, rocked it for a few minutes and then reached to pull her curtain round her bed to block out the light that shone under the door.

She lay back down again, kicked the heavy blanket off the bed, undid her gown and prayed for a breeze to cool her burning body.

Dawn could not come quickly enough. It had been a long, long night.

xxx

"Is Lilly still sleeping?" Ben frowned as Conrad took his blood pressure.

"Constance had her up alot in the night," Conrad informed as he pumped the bulb. "Sarah checked on them a couple of hours ago and Lilly was just settling your daughter back down again. Its best they sleep on," he smiled and then removed the cuff from around his patients arm. "Well, that's much better," he reached for Ben's chart. "How is your headache today?" He asked as he scribbled down his findings.

"Gone," Ben nodded with a smile.

"Nausea?"

"Much better thanks to the Compazine."

"Excellent!" Conrad popped his pencil back in his top pocket, hung the chart on the end of the bed, walked to the head of the bed, and started to remove Ben's IV. "I think," he said as he worked. "That if you can eat some breakfast and then take a shower we can let you go home today."

"And Lilly?" Ben quickly asked.

"And Lilly," Conrad nodded, deftly removing the needle from the back of Ben's hand. "It's time for you all to go home and start living as a family again," he grinned and placed the needle in an emesis bowl.

"I agree," Ben smiled and, as if on cue, the door opened and Gareth strolled in with a tray of fresh fruit, porridge and tea.

"I expect you to eat all of that," Conrad nodded towards the tray as Gareth placed it on Ben's rollaway table. "And then someone will come and supervise you while you shower."

"Hey, I can do that on my own!" Ben grouched, reaching for the bowl of porridge.

"Well, you've hardly eaten for weeks so I think someone should be with you just in case you collapse."

"I'm not going to collapse. I feel fine, back to normal," Ben grinned in between mouthfuls.

Conrad sighed and then gathered his things together. "Eat first and then Gareth will be back in. No arguments."

"But..."

"I said – no arguments, Platon Aston." Conrad shook his head as he made his way out of the room muttering under his breath about how stubborn his colleague was being.

Ben just grinned and carried on eating, happy to know that soon he would be home with his wife, son and daughter – his family!

Xxx

Ben felt like a new man!

He'd eaten his breakfast as if he'd been starving, infact he'd bribed Gareth to bring him another bowl of porridge before reluctantly agreeing to be supervised in the shower.

His stomach was full, he felt clean, refreshed and ready to start the next phase of his life.

Towel drying his hair, he walked back into his room, surprised to see the curtains still drawn round Lilly's bed. He had expected his wife to be up and about by now and when the sound of Connie's cries began to fill the room, he pulled back the curtains intending wake her.

He smiled at the sight of his wife curled up on her side, obviously fast asleep still. Although he was loathed to disturb her, knowing that she hadn't had much sleep during the night, he knew that Connie was due a feed.

He plucked his now screaming daughter out of her cot, sat on the edge of the bed, placed her over his shoulder and reached to tap Lilly's shoulder.

"Lilly? Sweetie – Connie needs a feed," he urged gently and when Lilly just sighed in response, he shook her leg. "Lils..."

Lilly groaned, turned on her back and rolled her head to the side to face him. "I don't feel very well, Ben," she admitted with tears brimming in her eyes. She had lain awake, listening to the comings and goings of morning activity, desperately trying to sleep but knowing that her temperature was rising with the suns. She just didn't want to admit that she was sick but knew that Connie needed tending to. She had just hoped that even a small amount of sleep would make a difference to her condition but she still felt awful.

Ben frowned and then quickly placed his hand on her forehead, knowing before he even touched her skin that her temperature was high. "How long have you been feeling like this?" He asked, jiggling Connie as she continued to scream.

"Most of the night," Lilly admitted, blinking slowly and reaching to fan her over heated body with her nightgown.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I thought I'd sleep and feel better," Lilly shrugged.

Ben removed his hand with a sigh. "I think I'd best get Conrad," he smiled gently and caressed her hot cheek.

"Okay," Lilly nodded and held her arms out for her daughter. "Give me Connie first, she needs a feed." She inched up in bed so she was sitting, closed her eyes and rested her head against her pillows.

"Are you sure you can manage?"

"I'm sure," she reached out again and Ben gently laid their hungry daughter in her arms and helped her latch on. After tenderly stroking Lilly's hot forehead again, he went in search of the senior platon, knowing that all of his plans were out of the window and hoping that Lilly's condition wasn't as serious as he feared it might be.

xxx

"Okay, Lilly. Keep still." Conrad blew on his cold hands before laying them on Lilly's stomach. "Sorry," he apologised with a slight smiled when Lilly jumped under his touch.

Connie had been fed and changed and was in Ben's arms being gently rocked back to sleep while Platon Beuner examined Lilly.

Conrad palpated his patients abdomen, watching her for any reaction but Lilly just lay, looking at him with a frightened expression on her face. "Does this hurt?" He asked, increasing the pressure.

Lilly shook her head and bit her bottom lip. "No, it feels fine," she confirmed.

"I see," Conrad sighed and then pulled her gown down again. "Well, everything feels fine there," he smiled reassuringly. "Let's get you sitting up so I can check you out some more." He placed his hand under Lilly's elbow and helped her sit up. "You have quite a fever," he tutted and placed his hand on her forehead. "Lymph nodes are fine," he confirmed as he then examined her neck. "Can you open up for me?" He turned, grabbed his tongue depressor and then tilted Lilly's open mouth towards the light. "Say ahh," he urged.

"Ahh," Lilly repeated and then gagged slightly.

"Okay, that's all fine," Conrad nodded after taking a close look down her throat. "Any pain in your ears?"

"No," Lilly shook her head.

"Sinus?"

"No."

Conrad sat back and started thrumming his fingers on the bed. "Well, I can't find anything too desperately wrong," he mused. "But you do have a temperature of over 102 so you must have some sort of infection somewhere, my dear."

"So, I don't have bed fever?" Lilly started to button up her gown again.

"No, you don't."

Lilly rested her head back. "Thank goodness," she sighed in relief. "I was so worried."

"I know."

She turned her head and smiled at her husband when she felt his hand pat her leg. "I lay awake all night so frightened it was going to happen again," she admitted softly.

"Oh, Lilly." Ben turned and gently placed his sleeping daughter in her crib, sat at Lilly's side and took her hand. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"Because you were unwell still and needed to rest."

"You should have told someone, you know that."

"Indeed you should have," Conrad agreed.

"I'm sorry," Lilly smiled shyly. "I just didn't want to bother anyone and just hoped that my symptoms were due to exhaustion."

"Well," Ben placed his hand on her forehead. "This fever is a sign of some sort of infection so I think a dose of antibiotics should be in order, don't you Conrad."

"Absolutely," Conrad nodded and then pushed off the bed. "I will be back with some medication and a light breakfast that you might be able to eat. If your fever goes down, I still intend on discharging you with your husband. You can take oral antibiotics at home and I am sure Ben will tend you."

"Of course I will," Ben smiled and as Conrad left the room he sat next to his wife, took her in his arms and eased her head onto his shoulder. "What am I going to do with you," he sighed and planted a kiss on top of her curls.

"I'm sorry," Lilly sighed again as she relaxed in his embrace.

"Just don't do it again," Ben chuckled softly.

Lilly placed her hand on his chest and rubbed the soft material of his shirt. "I haven't even asked how you are feeling today."

"I feel fine, so much better," Ben reassured. "We just need to get you better too so we can go home."

"Uh huh," Lilly mumbled sleepily as she continued to stroke the material and, if it wasn't for her insistent bladder she was sure she would be able to drop off to sleep.

She pressed her hand flat on his chest and pushed up out of his hold. "Gotta go," she smiled and pointed to the bathroom.

Ben moved to the side, pulled back her covers and offered her his hand. "Do you need any help?" He asked as she climbed gingerly out of bed.

"I'm fine," Lilly assured and patted his shoulder on the way to the bathroom.

"I'll be here if you need me," Ben called as Lilly closed the door behind her.

He then stretched out on her bed, still feeling wiped out himself and waited for her to return. Hopefully a couple of Tylenol would deal with her fever and if she got a good dose of antibiotics into her, it would knock back any infection brewing.

Xxx

Lilly sat on the toilet with her head in her hands, desperate to pee but she just couldn't. She knew these symptoms very well after suffering from numerous water infections while pregnant with Finn.

Damn it! That's why she had a temperature.

After rocking for a while, she did manage to go but it hurt so much she had to grab onto the corner of the sink and bite her bottom lip to stifle a groan.

Knowing that Conrad would need a sample, she reached for a cup, placed it in position and braced herself again.

When she finished she peered into the cup and panicked slightly at the sight of bright red blood. She pushed herself off the toilet, washed her hands, swilled her burning face and carried the cup back into the room.

"Ben?" She shook her husband's foot and he woke from his light doze with a start and, after taking one look at her face, Ben frowned. "Are you okay?"

Lilly handed him the cup and then crawled into bed, feeling worse by the second. She pulled the blankets up over her head and curled into a ball.

"Did you...?" Ben looked into the mug and then back at his wife who was now shivering miserably.

"Uh huh," Lilly nodded and buried herself deeper into the warmth of the blankets.

Ben gently rubbed her back. "I won't be a minute," he sighed and then hurried in search of Conrad.

Lilly groaned, wrapped her arms round her stomach and allowed herself a few tears.

She just wanted to feel better and go home.

xxx

"Lilly," Ben crouched at the side of her bed and gently shook her shoulder. "You need to wake up and take something for your fever, my love," he urged and Lilly groaned before pushing herself upright.

"I wasn't sleeping," she grumbled, running her fingers through her hair as she rested back in bed.

Ben sat at her side, reached and poured her a glass of water before handing her two capsules. "Right, you've got two Tylenol for fever and pain. And," he turned and grabbed the plate of freshly baked bread off the table. "After taking those and eating this," he placed the plate on her lap. "You can have two heavy duty antibiotics for your infection."

Lilly rolled her eyes but tossed the capsules in her mouth and washed them down with half of the water. She then took a piece of bread off the plate and gingerly took a bite.

Ben watched her until he was satisfied that she had coated her stomach and then handed her the antibiotics.

"You need to drink all the water," he told her when she only took a sip and Lilly sighed but did as she was told and then handed him the empty glass back.

"Okay," Ben placed the glass on the table and then addressed his wife again. "Conrad wants you to stay another day..."

"But..." Lilly started to object but Ben held up his hand to stop her.

"No arguing Lilly, he just wants to keep a close eye on you for another twelve hours or so and I agree. Your temperature is pretty high and there were plenty of white cells and blood in your urine. You need to rest and you will be in the best place."

"I can rest at home," Lilly folded her arms in protest.

Ben snorted. "Not with a newborn baby and Finn around you can't."

"But..."

"Please, Lil – just twelve hours, get some sleep and a couple of rounds of antibiotics in you and you'll feel much stronger to deal with things."

Lilly scowled and huffed but finally capitulated to her husband's pleading. "Okay," she sighed reluctantly.

Ben smiled and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Do you think you're up to expressing some milk for Connie?" He asked gently. "I can see to her while you sleep if you can."

Lilly nodded, inched down in bed slightly and closed her eyes. Ben kissed her forehead and then went to find Cara to explain what was going on and fetch the breast pump Lilly needed.

Xxx

"Okay, Finn. Scoot back on the bed a bit."

Sergi had bought Finn with him to the hospital, thinking that they would be taking Ben, Lilly and Connie home but after one look at his daughter who was curled up, sleeping restlessly with a sheen of sweat on her face he knew that she would not be going anywhere today.

Finn was disappointed but Ben had cheered him up by letting him feed his baby sister and was just positioning Connie in his arms and guiding the bottle into her mouth. Connie quickly latched on and started suckling eagerly.

Finn looked at his Papi and grinned. "She's really hungry!"

"Yes she is," Ben agreed and placed a pillow under Connie's head to make things more comfortable for his son. "You're doing a great job," he praised, sitting back so Finn could relax against him.

Sergi smiled as he watched his grandson and son in law. Ben looked so much better than he had the last time he'd seen him.

"How are you doing Ben?" He asked, pulling a chair up to Ben's bed.

"I'm fine," Ben glanced up while supporting Connie's head and smiled. "Conrad discharged me this morning."

"That's good," Sergi smiled back. "You had us all worried for a while, my boy."

"I'm sorry," Ben sighed. "I just got lost I think," he admitted.

"That's understandable. You are grieving."

"Yes I know but, I let your daughter down."

"Of course you didn't."

"Yes I did. She had to give birth on her own; I should have been with her."

"She understood. You weren't well."

"Yes, well – I won't let myself get in that state again," he looked at his father in law and flashed him what he hopped was a reassuring smile. "I promise."

Sergi shook his head and sighed. "It was no one's fault; circumstances were out of everyone's control. You did what you thought best, no more, no less."

"Thank you."

"You are a good man, a wonderful husband and a tremendous father and don't ever forget it Benjamin. We all get lost sometimes."

Ben nodded his thanks again and then rested his head back and watched Lilly as she began to stir and groan. "I just wish Lilly felt better so I can take her home and make things up to her," he sighed.

Sergi turned his head and followed his gaze. "Did Conrad say how long she had to stay?"

"It depends how she reacts to the antibiotics. Could be later tonight or more likely tomorrow judging by how flushed she looks." He continued to watch Lilly as she curled into a ball with a whimper. He then turned to Sergi again. "Could you just come and help Finn?" He asked. "I think I need to check on my wife."

"Of course," Sergi nodded and Ben hopped off the bed to make way for his father in law who took his place at Finns side and helped the young boy feed his sister.

He then crossed to Lilly's side, drew the curtains round the bed and sat on the edge of her bed. "What's going on Lil?" He asked softly.

"It hurts," she complained, making Ben jump slightly as he hadn't expected a response.

"What hurts?" He pulled Lilly's blanket down slightly reviling a face pinched in pain.

"My back really hurts, Ben," Lilly pushed herself upright to try to find relief from the dagger like pain in her lower back and abdomen.

"Easy Lil," Ben soothed, taking her in his arms and reaching to massage her back, not liking the heat of fever bleeding through her thin gown as he gently rocked her.

Lilly rested her head on his chest and groaned. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Okay - can you make it to the bathroom my love?"

Lilly panted in his arms but managed to nod.

Ben helped her to the edge of the bed, guided her feet onto the floor and helped her stand. Lilly immediately bent over and curled an arm around her abdomen. "Need to go now," she moaned and Ben pulled the curtains back and gently stirred her towards the bathroom.

"Do you need me to get someone, Ben?" Sergi offered when they slowly walked past their bed.

"No, we've got this haven't we Lil." He winked at his son when Finn lifted his head and stared at them.

"Are you alright Mami?" The little boy asked, concern lacing his tone.

To her credit, Lilly lifted her head and gave her son a reassuring smile. "I'm fine, sweetheart. I won't be a minute."

"Okay," Finn shrugged and returned his attention to feeding his sister.

When Lilly groaned and sagged slightly in his arms, Ben tightened his grip and increased his pace.

As the bathroom door closed behind them, Lilly quickly lurched out of his arms and fell on her knees in front of the toilet. After a few dry heaves, she proceeded to vomit all the water Conrad had urged her drink over the last few hours.

"Easy, Lil," Ben soothed, grabbing a towel and went to wet it at the sink. He rushed back to her side and laid the damp towel over the nape of her neck as she continued to heave. He then sat at next to her and waited for her to finish.

Eventually, Lilly sat down with a heavy sigh and leant forward to rest her forehead on the rim of the toilet.

"Do you think you've finished?" Ben asked, rubbing her back to offer her some comfort.

"Uh huh," Lilly nodded after taking a few deep breaths. She then pushed away from the toilet, inched over to the wall on her backside and rested her back against the cool tiles. "I feel horrid," she complained, brushing her sweat soaked curls out of her eyes.

"I'm sure you do," Ben blotted her sweaty face with the damp towel before turning to fill a glass with water. "Just take some small sips," he advised and passed her the glass.

Lilly took it off him but shook her head. "I can't. Not at the moment." She gave him a sad smile and rested the glass on her lap with one hand while she rubbed her stomach with the other.

Ben knelt in front of her for a while, assessing her condition. She was flushed, sweating freely and obviously in pain judging by the small grunts she made as she started to loll her head from side to side. "Do you think you can get back into bed?" He asked softly. "You'll be much more comfortable."

Lilly licked her lips and shook her head. "Not yet," she mumbled.

"Okay," Ben sighed, patted her knee and stood up. "I'm going to get you some fresh clothing and some more medication," he told her. "And suggest that Finn and your father take Connie for a trip round the hospital while we get you settled again, okay?"

"'Kay," Lilly agreed. She didn't want her boy to see her like this because she knew how much her migraines had upset him.

"Try and take some small sips of that water." Ben advised again before hurrying out of the room.

Xxx

Lilly brought the cool glass up and rolled it over her forehead, sighing when the cold water felt wonderful against her burning skin.

She could hear hushed voices taking the other side of the door and really wanted to go and tell everyone that she was all right but the growing urge to urinate again joined with her continual feeling of nausea. She reluctantly placed the glass down and crawled towards the toilet again where she rested her head against the rim once more as she tried to decide whether she needed to throw up or not.

The chill of her growing fever caused her to shiver violently as she rocked and groaned. After a few minutes, when she was sure she wasn't going be sick, she pushed up, turned, sat on the toilet, wrapped her arms around her stomach, and waited.

The water infection she had diagnosed was quickly upgraded to a kidney infection when a burning pain shot through her belly and into her back when she managed to pass a small amount of urine. The pain, unfortunately then increased her nausea and she turned and started to vomit in the sink.

She just felt so dreadful, extremely dizzy and in horrible pain. It was so unfair; she should be enjoying her time with Constance not throwing up in a tiny bathroom.

When her stomach finally settled once more, she pushed upright, leant her back against the wall and slowly sat down again. Feeling exhausted and weak, she lay down on the floor and closed her eyes. She was then aware of the door opening and of a gentle hand being carded through her hair.

"Lilly, we're going to get you back into bed now."

She opened her eyes and gave Conrad a wan smile before closing them again. The next thing she knew was a blanket being wrapped round her shoulders as she was gently hoisted to her feet.

Being awake enough to manage to stagger, with help, back to bed she was soon being propped up while Ben removed her sweat soaked gown. "I'm so hot," she groaned as her feet were lifted onto the bed before gentle hands eased her down onto her pillows. Soon a cool cloth was wiping down her hot body, followed by a warm one and when she couldn't stop shivering when chills hit again, a pile of blankets were laid on top of her and gently tucked in.

"Try and relax Lil," her husband told her. "Conrad is going to give you a shot for your nausea and something for your fever."

She was aware of being rolled on her side and of a suppository being inserted before feeling a sharp prick in her thigh. Conrad then pulled her into a sitting position and she felt Ben climb in behind her. She relaxed into his arms when she was lowered into his embrace.

"Try to sleep," Ben gently urged her and she found that her weakened body immediately responded to his words. Her eyes fluttered shut, her head turned into her husband's shoulder and she felt his arms tightening around her as she surrendered to her illness and exhaustion willingly.

xxx

Ben stood outside the bathroom door, listening to his wife as she sobbed. She had staggered to the bathroom for third time in half an hour. It was now four in the morning and poor Lilly had been awake all night, fighting nausea and pain from her kidney infection.

He knocked softly on the door. "Lil's? Can I do anything?"

"I'll be out shortly," Lilly replied, her voice full of pain.

Ben sighed and rested his forehead against the door. Lilly had told him to go home and spend some time with Finn, that the hospital staff were more than capable of looking after for the night and he was not fully recovered himself and needed to rest but he had insisted on staying and taking over Connie's care.

Feeding and caring for Connie had been easy and he just wished he could take the pain away for Lilly just as easily. He knew the antibiotics would kick in soon but there was little he could really do for her until then.

When he heard the click of the door handle, he took a step backwards. "Hey, you," he held his arms out and Lilly immediately sank into his embrace.

"Are you sure I'm not having another baby," she sniffed as he gently rocked her.

"No, my love," Ben tucked Lilly's head under his chin and stroked her sweat soaked hair back off her face.

"It hurts so much," Lilly began to sob.

"I know it does, I know it does," Ben sympathised, knowing very well how extremely painful kidney infections were. "The antibiotics will start to work really soon and you'll feel so much better. I promise."

He stood, holding her, rocking her and massaging her lower back as she continued to sob in his arms. He felt so sorry for her. It just wasn't fair, she'd been through so much recently, they all had. She should be enjoying the first few days with her little girl, just as she should have enjoyed the first few days with Finn.

When Lilly sighed and rested her forehead on his chest, he reached down and tipped her chin. "Let's get you back into bed hey," he smiled but Lilly shook her head, sniffed and pushed out of his arms.

"I think I'm going to be sick again," she groaned, started to heave and then rushed to the bathroom again with her hand clamped over her mouth.

"Oh, Lil," Ben sighed, running his fingers through his hair in frustration as the door slammed closed behind her.

When were they going to get a break!

xxx

The first rays of the suns shone through the window as dawn broke.

Ben sat in the chair next to Lilly's bed, cradling Connie after her morning feed. Lilly was finally sleeping after a long night of illness. Ben was finding it very difficult to keep his eyes open too, and when he felt a hand rest on his shoulder he jumped slightly.

He turned and smiled at Cara. "Morning," he whispered so not to disturb his wife and now sleeping daughter.

"Go home, Benny," Cara smiled back and held her hands out for Connie. "You are exhausted and we can take care of your girls."

"No, no," Ben shook his head, winching when the action caused his constant headache to increase. "My place is here," he turned and gently replaced Lilly's sheet when it slipped off as she turned onto her side.

"Sorry – Conrad's orders," Cara sighed. "You were discharged yesterday morning and he said, unless you want to be hooked up to an IV again, you'd best go home and get some sleep." She reached down and gently took Connie out of his arms. "I'm going to take this young lady to the nursery, get her settled and then come back and see to my sister. You will be in my way."

"But..."

"No buts, Benny. You need to go home, your son needs you and you know the policy about family staying in the hospital and that goes for you two too. Lilly will be just fine. Conrad will assess her later and I know that he is still keen to release her sometime today if possible. You can come back later, after you've had some descent sleep and a good meal."

"But she's been so sick, all night."

"We know but he is planning to give her an IV of antibiotics over the next few hours and, if she's drinking well, there is no real reason why she can't continue her treatment at home. Come on Benny, you know that – you taught us that!"

Ben hung his head and sighed. Cara was right, of course. Lilly's infection would run its course and there were others sicker than she was who needed the bed. "Okay," he nodded and then looked at Cara again. "Take care of them," he smiled softly.

"We will, you know that."

"Tell Lilly that I'll be back later and make sure you get word to me if she deteriorates at all."

"We will, won't we Connie," Cara picked up Connie's limp hand and waved it. "Say bye bye to papi," she grinned and Ben stood and stretched before kissing his daughter's forehead.

He then pulled Lilly's covers up over her shoulder and brushed her forehead with the back of his hand. "Her fever is down," he turned and smiled at Cara.

"Good," Cara grinned. "She'll sleep now."

"Yeah." Ben agreed.

Cara pointed to the door. "Go," she ordered.

"Going," Ben nodded, bent and kissed Lilly, gave his sister in law a smile and then reluctantly walked out of the room.

Cara carefully placed Connie in her crib and checked her sister's temperature for herself. Happy that she was now resting comfortably she wheeled her niece out of the room and towards the nursery to allow Lilly some peace and quiet for a while.

Xxx

Lilly pushed the glass of water away that Cara had put on the table in front of her.

"I can't Car," she complained.

"You have to drink if you want to go home," Cara pushed it back again.

Lilly rolled her eyes but picked the glass up and took a tentative sip. She was desperate to go home but after spending most of the morning sleeping, she'd woken still feeling very sick, hot and achy.

Ben had done as he was told and had left for home while she was sleeping and Connie was being spoiled rotten in the nursery so Lilly had a feeling of almost abandonment. Cara's constant nagging was adding to her misery as well. She knew everyone had her best interests at heart but all she wanted to do was take her little girl home.

"More than that," Cara tutted when Lilly placed the glass down again. "Conrad does not want to add a fluid drip to your other IV."

Lilly looked at the cannular on her hand, concerned that she'd been so fast asleep that she hadn't even felt it being done. It was giving her some heavy duty antibiotics and was a real nuisance when she needed to dash to the toilet but, there was no way she was going to be discharged until the drug finished dripping into her bloodstream so she just had put up with it.

"Lilly. Drink!"

Lilly rested her head back and closed her eyes. "I just can't Cara," she sighed. "I feel so sick, my head is pounding, my stomach really hurts," she rubbed her abdomen, willing away the burning constant pain. "And I'm very tired."

She heard Cara's sigh of frustration, which was followed by the squeak of the wheels of the rollaway table as her sister pushed it to one side.

"Okay Lil's – you win. I'll see if Conrad wants to give you some more Compazine and then we'll try again in an hour or so."

"I'm sorry," Lilly sighed, knowing that Cara had her best interests at heart.

"Don't be."

The hand Cara placed on her forehead felt wonderfully cool.

"Your temperature is up again."

"I know."

"Right – I'm going to fetch Conrad and bring the breast pump back with me. I don't think you are going to be up to feeding Connie yourself for a while."

"'kay." Lilly capitulated without a fight and then inched down in bed again. She was very grateful of the blanket that was then tucked in round her as yet another round of chills assailed her body and she turned onto her side and curled into a tight ball.

She felt awful but she wanted to go home and feel awful in the privacy of her own home.

It wasn't too much to ask, was it?

Xxx

Ben tipped two Tylenol out of the bottle, tossed them in his mouth and washed them down with a glass of water. The pull of a returning headache had forced him awake from a three our nap and, although he felt much more refreshed for the sleep, he needed to shake off the headache before he went and fetched the rest of his family.

After swilling the glass, he turned his attention to making sure everything was ready for Lilly and the baby.

Beds needed stripping, Finn's bedroom needed tidying, and he wanted to tend to the animals so he could give his wife his undivided attention when she came home. He knew that they both needed to rest as much as possible to recovery but had politely turned down Hanah's offer of them staying with them for the rest of the week. He just wanted to shut the world out and concentrate on getting better in the peace and quiet of their little home.

Mind you, Sergi's offer of helping out with the animals had been gratefully agreed to as had his insistence that he should take Finn to and from school.

Ben just wanted to curl up in bed with his wife and daughter, nothing else was important at the moment.

Life could go on around them while they recovered.

Xxx

"Good. That's better, Mrs Ashton," Conrad smiled to himself as removed the thermometer out of his patients ear. Lilly's temperature was down a couple of degrees and he was much happier with her condition. He had found her shivering and feeling extremely nauseous when he had checked on her earlier and had been contemplating insisting that she stayed for another night but, after a change of medication and an addition of another antibiotic, she seemed much improved and sleeping peacefully.

He placed the thermometer back on its holder and then pulled up a chair and carefully reached for Lilly's hand, trying his hardest not to disturb her as he removed the cannular but when her hand twitched and she let out a low groan he knew that it was going to be impossible not to wake her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he smiled when he noticed her eyes were slightly open.

"It's okay," Lilly mumbled, bringing her free hand up to knuckle her eyes.

"I just want to unhook you."

"Okay."

Conrad reached for an emesis bowl and started the procedure. "How are you feeling?" He asked as he pulled the needle out.

"Better," Lilly nodded slowly before yawning. "Still tired though," she admitted with a sigh.

"I'll just get rid of this," Conrad placed the needle in the bowl and quickly tapped a piece of gauze of Lilly's puncture wound. "And you can go back to sleep," he smiled and tucked her hand back under her covers.

"What time is it?" Lilly yawned again.

"Late afternoon."

"Can I go home now?"

"I thought you said you were tired?"

"I am, but I want to sleep in my bed." Lilly started to inch up in bed. "I feel better and now that I am free," she held up her hand to prove her point. "You said I could go home."

Conrad sighed and turned to place his equipment back on the table. "Okay," he shrugged, returning his attention to his patient. "You can go home if you can keep down at least two glasses of water..."

"I can do that," Lilly nodded adamantly.

"And, you express at least four more bottles of milk for Constance. I want you to sleep and rest as much as you can when you are home. Let Ben step in for a day or so."

"But, he is not well and recovering himself."

"I know he is but you still have a fever and until you are fever free you are the priority, understand?"

Lilly looked as if she was going to object for a moment but obviously took Conrad's glare he gave her seriously and started to slowly nod. "Okay, I will do as I am told, Platon."

"I'm glad to hear it, Platon," Conrad patted her knee. "Get some more rest. I'm going to fetch you some fresh water and your medication to take home."

He pushed up off the bed and stood and watched as Lilly lay down again. Although her condition was much better, he knew that it would be days, if not weeks before she recovered her strength again and hoped she would do as she was told, for once.

Xxx

Ben poked his head round his in laws kitchen door and smiled at Finn who was sat drawing with his Grandpi.

"Are you ready to go and fetch Mami and Connie?" He asked with a huge grin on his face.

Finn immediately started to put his pens away. "I'm ready," he returned the grin.

"Have you heard that she is well enough to come home?" Sergi frowned as he helped Finn.

"Well, I haven't heard that she isn't," Ben shrugged, reaching for Finn's coat. "We will go and see what the situation is but knowing your daughter; she will be more than ready to come home."

"But, will she be fit enough?"

Ben crossed to the table and began to gather up the drawings Finn had done. "There is no reason why she can't recover at home. She will have had a good couple of days of antibiotics, which should have worked on her infection. I'm sure she will be just fine." He gave his father in law a reassuring smile, knowing that Conrad would have got word to him if Lilly's condition had deteriorated in any way.

"And, what about you, Benjamin? Are you recovered enough to care for Lilly?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You look tired. The offer of coming to stay is still there if you want it."

"I know and thank you but I just want to get my family home. I'm sure once we get settled we will all feel much better."

Sergi stood and placed his hand on Ben's arm. "You must not be afraid to ask for help."

"I know and I really appreciate everything you and Hanah have done for us," Ben smiled gratefully.

"We are family. That is what family do."

Ben swallowed he lump of emotion that suddenly stuck in his throat, the realisation that his direct family was now gone hitting him hard. "I-I a-appreciate t-that," he managed to stutter as he forced back his tears.

"You are not alone, remember that."

"Thank you."

Sergi gave Ben's arm a comforting squeeze and then cleared his own throat. "Right, Finny," he turned and smiled at his grandson. "Let's get all this packed away and your coat on. I'm sure your Mami and baby sister are eagerly waiting for you."

Finn grinned and quickly put his coat on while Sergi placed his pens in his special box.

"Give them a hug from Grandmi and me," Sergi passed Finn his box and then ruffled his hair. "Be a good boy. Mami and Papi will need to rest as much as possible."

"I will, I promise," Finn nodded.

"I will be over first thing in the morning to see to your animals. You can help me while Mami and Papi get some sleep and then I'll take you into school."

"Okay Grandpi."

Sergi pulled his grandson in for a hug. "I love you Finny."

"Love you too Grandpi."

Ben allowed grandson and grandfather have a moment or two and then held out his hand out to his son.

"Ready to bring our girls home?" He smiled.

"Ready papi," Finn smiled back and, after another quick hug with his Grandpi, father and son hurried out to their cart.

Soon the Ashton family would be home – together.

Xxx

"Well done," Cara praised, taking the full bottle of expressed milk off Lilly. "I think Ben will have enough to last a night or so," she smiled placing the bottle with the other three in Lilly's bag. "You can at least get one night of undisturbed sleep, Lil."

"I can manage to feed Connie myself," Lilly grouched as she buttoned up her blouse.

She was showered, dressed and impatiently waiting for her husband so she could go home.

"I know you are but," Cara placed the back of her hand on Lilly's forehead, "you're still hot and need to rest."

Lilly sighed and reached for her ribbon to tie back her hair but let her hand flop back on the bed when the mere act of holding it up was exhausting.

"Let me," Cara smiled and gently tousled Lilly's curls into a ponytail and Lilly gratefully rested her aching head back against her sister.

"How is Connie?" She asked, closing her eyes and relaxing as her sister massaged her head.

"She is fine, fed and sleeping. Sarah is getting her things together and she will be ready when Ben arrives."

"I've missed her today," Lilly sighed. "I should have been looking after her."

"She is fine," Cara repeated softly. "It was more important for you to sleep and recover."

"I suppose so," Lilly shrugged and then allowed Cara to brush her hair. "Have you been home at all, Car?"

"I will leave when you do," Cara started to plat Lilly's hair. "Ma is with Niall and the girls. They have been well looked after."

"Thank you for staying with me."

"I was where I should be." Cara tied the ribbon round the end of Lilly's long plat and then kissed the top of her head. "We need to get you better so you can enjoy your little girl now."

"I know," Lilly sighed, grabbing her sister's hand. "We are going to have so much fun with our children. I cannot wait until summer."

"Me neither," Cara agreed, patted Lilly's shoulder and then reached for the pile of diapers she had ready to pack. "You have time to rest," she said when she noticed that Lilly's eyes had remained closed and that she was listing to one side.

Lilly didn't need telling twice and she curled up on the top of the bed, fully dressed and allowed herself to drift off, knowing that she would soon be home.

Xxx

Ben steered Hector into the courtyard and then pulled him to halt outside the barn. He rested his head back and turned to face his family, smiling softly at the sight of them all sleeping soundly.

Finn was curled up on his mami's lap, sucking his thumb and snoring softly. Lilly's head was nestled in the corner of the buggy with her arms were wrapped round her boy in a hug and Connie snuffled as she slept in her basket, her hands flung above her head as if she was surrendering.

It was a truly wonderful sight and all Ben wanted to do was to give into his own exhaustion and join the rest of the Ashton family but jobs needed doing first.

He clambered down, tethered Hector and then climbed aboard again. "Shh, Finny," he soothed as he plucked his sleepy boy out of his mother's arms. Finns head came to rest on Ben's chest and, after smacking his lips a few times, his thumb sneaked back into his mouth as he settled down again.

Ben backed down out of the cart, reaching to pick up his daughters basket at the same time and then carried his children into the cottage. He was glad that he had thought to leave some of the lamps on, as it was late now and he thankful he didn't have to negotiate the stairs in the pitch black with such a precious cargo.

After placing Connie's basket on the floor of Finn's bedroom, he gently laid his son on his bed, quickly removed his shoes and then covered him with his quilt.

"Welcome home, my boy," he whispered, brushing Finn's hair off his forehead. "Sweet dreams sweetheart."

He then carried Connie into his and Lilly's bedroom turned the lamps up slightly and went back for his wife.

He needed everyone where they should be before he allowed himself to rest his aching head for the night.

xxx

"Is Finn sleeping?" Lilly sat on the edge of the bed undoing her blouse with shaking hands.

"I carried him up and he didn't stir," Ben smiled as he sorted through Lilly's bag to remove the bottle of milk he knew he would need to feed Connie in a couple of hours. Lilly had managed to feed her before they made the journey home so their daughter was content for now. "He is tucked in with Barney," Ben continued as he turned and smiled at his wife, a smile that turned into a sigh when he noticed how flushed she looked. Instinctively his hand went to her forehead. "Feeling rotten again?" He asked, smiling sadly as he registered the heat under his fingers.

"Yes," Lilly sighed and Ben sat crossed legged on the bed and helped her with her blouse.

"Let's get you changed and I'll find some medication for you." He grabbed the nightgown off the end of the bed and eased it over her head.

Lilly sighed and then lay down, flung one arm over her eyes and the wrapped the other around her stomach. "It hurts so much, Ben," she groaned, pulling her legs up to try and smother the fire in her belly.

Ben patted her knee. "I know. Hold on, I won't be a minute," he promised.

"'kay," Lilly nodded and then curled into a ball and Ben pulled a sheet up over her and ran his fingers through her hair, hating how she continued to whimper in pain.

He had hoped that once they were home, Lilly would feel better but he knew that had been wishful thinking when Lilly then bolted upright and rocked slightly with both arms wrapped round her stomach, before hurrying to the bathroom.

It was going to be a long night and Ben almost wished that his wife was still tucked up in her hospital bed.

Xxx

"Right, little one. Let's get comfortable hey." Ben jiggled Connie until she nestled in his arms and latched on to the bottle.

He felt absolutely exhausted after barely getting half an hour sleep. Lilly had been so restless, her temperature still high and her stomach and back pain continual. Fortunately, after the initial vomiting bout, her nausea had lessoned so Ben wasn't concerned about dehydration but, even so, his wife was still pretty ill.

As Connie settled in his arms, he watched Lilly as she turned on to her back with a groan and kicked the covers off. "Hot," she mumbled, turned her head and continued to toss and turn in her sleep, her legs in constant motion and grunting softly in pain. Knowing that it was only a couple of hours since she had her last dose of fever reducers and painkillers Ben knew there was little he could do for her but he gingerly crept out of bed, cradling Connie in his arms, keeping her bottle balanced with his chin and crossed to open the patio windows. Hopefully the cool evening breeze would help cool her down.

He turned to make his way back to bed, but when Lilly smacked her lips and then stretched out even more, he decided that she was obviously more comfortable like that and grabbed a blanket off the dresser and made his way to the lounger on the balcony.

He carefully sat down and managed, one handed, to wrap the blanket round him and Connie before resting his pounding head back. He had taken a couple of Tylenol for his continual headache when he had medicated Lilly but they had made little to no dent in it unfortunately. The thought crossed his mind that he should have taken Sergi and Hanah's offer of staying with them when nausea suddenly rolled in his stomach, but after taking several deep breaths, the sickly feeling lessoned and he slowly relaxed with his daughter feeding contently in his arms.

The night was chilly but clear, the moons shone brightly in the sky, their rays shining down on Earth hill and the Stargate making it stand out like a beacon.

"Look, Connie," Ben sighed. "That ring goes to your Papi's world. "One day I will take you and your big brother through there and show you my world. You won't believe what you see, it is a million miles away from where we are and there are so many amazing things to see."

The night bird's calls and Connie's snuffling were the only sounds that filled the air. It was so peaceful and a wave of contentment suddenly washed over Ben, leaving him feel calmer than he'd felt for many months.

As the clouds partially blocked out one of the moons the other moon shone further down the hill, illuminating the stone plaque that marked Conner's burial site.

Ben smiled softly as he gazed upon his brothers resting place. "Look Con, look what Lilly and I made," he held his daughter up slightly. "She is so beautiful, Con. I wish you'd met her...," his voice caught in his throat as tears sprang in his tired eyes. "I did good, Con. I did so good. I'm the luckiest man, buddy. Oh God! I miss you so much." He was helpless to stop the tears that then poured down his cheeks. "I miss you so much," he repeated as he sobbed in heartbreaking grief.

Suddenly Connie stopped suckling, pushed the bottle's teat out with her tongue and grabbed her papi's finger. Ben stared down at his little girl and smiled when he realised her eyes were open. "Hey there Constance," he wiped his tears and took a shuddering breath to get control of his emotions. "I was just telling your Uncle Conner all about you..."

He then sat, holding his little angel in his arms and told her all about her special Uncle and Connie continued to stare at him as if she understood every word.

For a split second, Ben thought he could see Conner in her eyes and it bought him great comfort.

A cloud was lifted in his heart.

Conner Thomas Ashton lived on in Constance Ester Ashton, of that Ben was certain.

xxx

SIX MONTHS LATER.

Platon Lilly Ashton smiled as she watched her men race round the orchard. It was a warm, late summer's afternoon and she was content to sit under a tree, bouncing her daughter on her knee as her husband and son competed against each other.

Finn Aston's shrieks of joy filled the air as he sprinted after his papi.

"Look at Finny go, Connie," she chuckled as Finn increased sped. It was hard to believe how much had changed in a year. Finn was taller and faster, Ben older and wiser and Lilly happier than she'd ever been.

The first few weeks after Connie's birth had been difficult as Lilly and Ben had both struggled to get well again. It had taken longer than they thought as Lilly's infection continued for several weeks and Ben's headaches plagued him almost daily but, with the constant help of their family and friends, those days of illness and pain slowly became a distant memory and they grew stronger and more able to cope. In no time, they were both back into a routine – Lilly busy with their children and Ben submerge in the daily running of the hospital, although he always made sure he was there to pick up Finn from school every day so the family could enjoy the evening meal together. He finally found the balance between work and family and they were so content.

Constance had made such a huge difference to their lives. The happy bundle of energy had completed their family and there wasn't a day that Ben and Lilly didn't thank the Gods for the joys both their children bought them.

"Wow, Finny got fast!"

Lilly looked up and smile at her sister as Cara joined her under the tree quickly followed by Rachael and Sophie who were now toddling around. "Yes he did," she grinned. "I think Ben is going to struggle to win this time."

"I do believe that Niall and Ben have a bet on this race." Cara reached for a cookie out of the picnic hamper, broke it in two and gave her girls a half each.

"What is a bet?" Lilly frowned, returning her attention to the race.

"Apparently, if Finn beats Ben then Ben has to give Niall a chicken but if Ben wins then Niall has to give Ben a rooster."

"Really? We could do with a rooster," Lilly mused, placed Connie on the blanket and then quickly ran over to the finishing line.

"Come on Finny," she yelled. "You can beat Papi today!" She watched as Finn then passed his father with a huge grin on his face and, when he crossed the finish line first, she held her arms open and Finn ran into them. "You are the winner, you are the winner," she chanted as she span him around.

"Papi is a loser, papi is a loser," Finn joined in with a giggle before clambering down.

"Okay, okay," Ben huffed as he sauntered across the finish line. "You won Finn, fair and square this time." He reached and ruffled his son's hair and then wrapped his arm round Lilly's waist as they watched Finn hurry over to the picnic blanket. "I'm getting too old for this," he groaned and Lilly began to laugh.

"You'll never be too old, Benjamin," she reassured him.

"Oh, I will be." Ben continued to catch his breath as they watched Finn as he knelt at his sister's side with his book and showed Connie the pictures. Their son was a wonderful big brother and they were so proud of him.

"Not to me, you won't." Lilly rested her head on Ben's shoulders and they then slowly followed their son.

Ben kissed the top of her head. "Thank you, my love. I appreciate your kind words but I don't think my aching knees agree with you."

Lilly giggled, pushed out of his hold and started to sprint. "Come on, old man," she called over her shoulder. "Let's see if your old knees can help you catch your old wife."

Ben hung his head, took a deep breath and started to jog after her with a huge smile on his face.

Life was good at last. His family were fit and well and, although they all missed Conner very much, his life had touched them in so many ways during his short stay with them.

He had taught them to live every day to the full and that is what they intended to do.

"You cheated!" Ben protested as Lilly held her arms up in celebration and skipped round the blanket. "Finn! Did you see that? Mami cheated. Come on, surly you saw that...!"

Xxxx

THE END

That's it guys!

Thanks for sticking with it and I hope you all enjoyed it!

Anyone up for the next one?

Hugs, PinkyRidz xx


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